Olalekan Adebumiti
This is a conversation that is happening in every coffee shop and on every muted first date across the country.
You remember a time, perhaps only a few years ago, when downloading a dating app felt like a bit of an adventure, a cheeky “why not?” that actually led to interesting nights out and genuine sparks.
There was a sense of novelty and a community of people who were all equally curious and relatively kind.
But today, opening that same app feels like stepping into a cold, transactional boardroom where everyone is tired, defensive, and ready to quit.
The atmosphere has shifted from a digital playground to a digital salt mine.
You feel the change in your bones; the conversations are shorter, the ghosting is more frequent, and the general sense of human decency seems to have evaporated.
It isn’t just in your head, and it isn’t just that you’ve “gotten older.” The ecosystem itself has become predatory and polluted, turning what was once a bridge into a barrier.
You are participating in a system that has been stripped of its joy to make room for more profit.
Let’s look at the “Why” behind the decline of the digital heart.
1. Because The Market Has Reached A Point Of Total Saturation
In the early days, the people you met online were the early adopters, the ones truly looking for something different.
Now, everyone is on there, including the people who have no intention of actually meeting or building a life.
Because the pool is so crowded, the quality of the average interaction has plummeted into a sea of “hey” and “how’s your week.”
You are wading through a massive volume of noise just to find a single note of music.
It feels worse because the “community” aspect of dating has been replaced by a chaotic, unmanaged crowd.
2. Because The Companies Have Prioritised Monetisation Over Matches
When these apps first launched, they needed to prove they worked, so they actually helped you find people.
Now that they dominate the market, their only goal is to squeeze as much revenue out of your loneliness as possible.
They have moved essential features behind expensive paywalls, making the “free” experience feel like a second-class struggle.
Because they are publicly traded companies, their primary loyalty is to their shareholders, not to your wedding day.
They have fine-tuned the science of keeping you “just frustrated enough” to keep paying for a premium subscription.
It feels worse because you are being treated like a lemon to be squeezed rather than a human to be helped.
3. Because The “Hookup Culture” Has Cemented Into A Permanent Status Quo
The apps have successfully rebranded the slow process of getting to know someone into a fast-paced “vibe check.”
This shift has created a culture where people are terrified of commitment because the next “hit” is so easy to access.
Because intimacy is now so accessible and disposable, the incentive to do the hard work of a relationship has vanished.
You feel the chill of a world where everyone is looking for an exit strategy before they’ve even finished their first drink.
It creates a persistent sense of anxiety that prevents you from ever feeling safe enough to let your guard down.
The “Why” here is simple: the apps have made it too easy to leave, which has made it impossible to stay.
4. Because Data Privacy Concerns Have Made Everyone More Guarded
You are living in an era where everyone is hyper-aware of their digital footprint and their personal safety.
People no longer share their real personalities or their vulnerable truths because they are afraid of being “screenshotted” or judged.
Because the internet has become a more hostile place, the dating apps have become a gallery of highly defensive, sterile profiles.
You are interacting with “brands” rather than people, which makes every conversation feel like a public relations exercise.
It feels worse because the warmth of human curiosity has been replaced by the coldness of self-protection.
5. Because The “Paradox Of Choice” Has Finally Broken Our Brains
Ten years ago, a few matches felt like a miracle; today, fifty matches feel like an administrative burden.
We have reached a breaking point where the human brain can no longer process the amount of “options” we are given.
This leads to a state of permanent “FOMO” where you are never satisfied with the person you are actually with.
Because you always think there is someone “better” around the corner, you never invest enough to find the “best” in anyone.
It has turned us into a society of window shoppers who never actually buy anything or take it home.
The apps have given us too much of a good thing, and in doing so, they have made it all feel worthless.
You are starving in front of a buffet because you are too overwhelmed to pick up a plate.
It is a psychological nightmare that leaves you feeling eternally hungry and perpetually exhausted.
6. Because Algorithm Fatigue Has Created A Loop Of Repetitive Failure
The apps use the same basic code to show you the same types of people over and over again, regardless of the results.
If the algorithm decides you like a certain “type,” it will trap you in a bubble where you never meet anyone outside your comfort zone.
Because you are seeing the same patterns, you are getting the same disappointing outcomes year after year.
It feels worse because it feels like you are living in a “Groundhog Day” scenario where nothing ever changes.
The machine isn’t learning how to find you love; it is learning how to keep you in the loop.
7. Because We Have Lost The Art Of The Natural Encounter
The apps have become such a dominant force that we have forgotten how to function in a world without them.
We no longer look up in public spaces because we assume that “dating” only happens inside a five-inch screen.
Because we have outsourced our social courage to an app, the real world has become a silent, lonely place.
It feels worse because you feel trapped in the digital world, believing it is the only way to find companionship.
The “Why” is a tragedy of lost potential: we have traded a world of infinite possibilities for a world of infinite swipes.
You are seeking a human solution in a technological vacuum, and your heart is the one feeling the pressure.
It is time to admit that the “modern” way of dating has become an antiquated way of feeling alone.
Where from Here?
My parting gift to you is the validation that you are not imagining the decline.
The digital dating world is indeed more hollow, more expensive, and more exhausting than it used to be.
But knowing the “Why” gives you the power to stop blaming yourself for the lack of results.
You are playing a game that has changed the rules to make sure you never win, and the most rebellious thing you can do is to stop playing by those rules.
