Relationship is a world of untold bliss for some and a planet of incessant heartbreaks for others – Most times, your ideology of love is what makes the difference.
I’ve heard and seen so many people who are architects of their failure in relationship, yet thinking their partners are.
I look deeper in this 21st century and see a lot of people playing out idiosyncrasies, calling it love!
There are people who never get what they ever wanted out of a relationship and if you assess them, you’ll see how they are the manufacturers of the heartbreaks menacing them.
To say it as it is, it’s so alarming to see how people jump into relationships and then start finding ways to know if they are with the right partner or not.
The question is… Why can’t you know if someone is good for a relationship before you go into one with them?
You should not try relationships out. You should not go into one and begin to do Relationship Compatibility Test.
You need to know if someone is right for you before you even agree to start a journey of love with them.
So you want to know if you are in a relationship with the right partner?
See the chat below to have a better understanding of that.
The Guy: Good morning.
Please, l need your help.
How will l know that l am with the right woman?
Olalekan: Morning. Here’s a question:
What is your definition of a right woman?
The Guy: A right woman is someone who listens to her partner and also proves faithful to him at all circumstances and appreciate to whatever he has.
That is my own definition.
In case you have something to add to my definition
Who is a right man?
The Guy: A right man is someone who also show love to her woman and also proves faithful to her at all circumstances.
So does she have the quality?
The Guy: Not all.
Olalekan: What is she lacking?
The Guy: She does not listen to my words.
Olalekan: Give few examples. Practical examples.
The Guy: I cannot solve problems with her
Olalekan: Give examples.
And why you think you can’t solve problems with her?
The Guy: She always gets annoyed.
Olalekan : Annoyed? How?
The Guy: I told her my problems, that l don’t like a woman who likes giving her number out to people but she does it still.
Olalekan: Good. People like?
The Guy: All kinds of people. Both men and women.
Please, my problems are many so l would be much grateful to you if you could solve everything to me one after the other.
Olalekan: That’s why I’m making it conversational.
Why don’t you want her to give out her number? Explain.
The Guy: I have told her but still no change.
Olalekan: Answer my questions.
Why don’t you want her to give her number to people?
And how did you even know she’s giving out her number?
The Guy: I have been warning her not to give her number to people but still.
Olalekan: Hey, answer my question! Why don’t you want her to give her number to people?
And how did you even know she’s giving out her number?
The Guy: I sometimes takes her phone and later sees new numbers on it. When l also asked her the owners of the new numbers she became annoyed.
Olalekan: Is it bad to give out her number?
The Guy: I don’t just like it.
Besides, as someone whom you are preparing with me to get marry, what contract to you have with any new person you meet that makes you give out your phone contact to him?
Olalekan: Good. Let’s continue.
You said, “I cannot solve problems with her.” What problems?
The Guy: Some of these problems are, how she gives her number out.
Anytime l raise the issue of not giving her phone number out to people, she becomes annoyed. So how can l solve such problems with her?
Olalekan: As it stands, the only problem is *the phone number issue*.
The Guy: No.
Olalekan: What other problems?
The Guy: She is very free to everyone so l have also told her to reduce that but still no change.
Not all the people we meet are good to be very open and free with.
So what do you have to say on this?
Olalekan: Any other problems? When I know all the problems, I will tell you what I need to.
The Guy: Another problem is that, she still wants to be free with her Ex – partners, and l don’t also likes it.
I suggest that our Ex are passed and we must forget about the past and move on better in life. What do you have to say on this type of my problem too?
Olalekan: Is that all the problems?
The Guy: Yeah.
Olalekan: Friend, you are wrong in all ways!
The Guy: Please, why?
Olalekan: What you want in a relationship is not realistic. It’s selfishness and egocentricity put together.
Throughout my relationship…
I didn’t care who my lady talked to.
I didn’t dictate who she should talk to. Because you should not.
We are married and yet, she has all the freedom in the world to talk to whoever she will.
She had an ex too.
I didn’t tell her to forget it all. If she feels she needs to be a friend of her ex, don’t force her out of it. (As long ad the friendship won’t hurt your relationship).
You should never do that.
It’s a sign of *Insecurity*.
If she will stop giving out numbers, it will neither be through your demand nor coercion. She will see the need.
I don’t check my wife’s phone. I don’t care who she talks to. I trust her enough. She trusts me too. If there is anything she needs to tell me, she will.
So if you want a reasonable relationship, let her have her way.
If you can’t let that happen, then look for someone that will not give out her number.
If you can’t respect her way, break the relationship. Find someone that will be willing to stop giving out her number.
That’s all I have to say.
Olalekan: You are the one who should grow past the ideology or school of thought.
The Guy: Why
Olalekan: Because it’s not normal. This is 21st century.
Olalekan: I don’t even know who taught you that your partner should stop making friends because you are dating them.
The Guy: Ok. Anyway, she once asked me to put some contacts on her phone to blacklist and l did that. I later thought she could visit blacklisted members and undo the action, so l put a lock on the blacklist. If she then wants to access them, she will have to provide a password before it can be opened.
She fought with me that l have put a lock on the blacklist of which l did not tell her.
With this, is it good for her or not? Also what is your advice on it to me?
Olalekan: Remove the Blacklist. Let her do it by herself.
The Guy: Ok. This means that l shouldn’t touch her phone or?
Olalekan: Yes. Don’t.
If she wants to cheat she will. Touching her phone won’t stop that.
What you can do is this…
Sit her down.
Tell her why you did all you did.
Tell her sorry.
After that, tell her you would want an open relationship.
A relationship where you two won’t hide anything from each other.
And then, promise her you will always trust her and will not hide anything from her.
The Guy: Ok.
My last two questions:
1) . How will l know the my partner cheats on me?
2). How will l know that my partner loves and cares about me?
Olalekan: Cheat? That’s one of the things you don’t have to worry about.
The more time you give to it, the more you lose focus.
If you two are working towards the future together, communicating as you should, you shouldn’t worry about them cheating.
You should care about your partner first.
It’s Garbage in Garbage out.
The Guy: Please, care about my partner like what?
I want to know from you that in your own experience, how will l know or see that my woman loves me and also cares about me?
Olalekan: It is in two ways:
You shouldn’t expect her to care about you if you’re not doing the same.
The Guy: I care about her. And also loves her. She knows it.
The Guy: So how can l also know that she also cares and love me. Is there anything you can ask me to consider before l can know it myself?
Olalekan: How did you know that you care about her?
What proof do you have that she knows you love and care for her?
The Guy: She has been telling me all the time. That is why.
And l have been providing all she asked me to her.
Everything she asks, l give to her.
Olalekan: Good. For you to know she loves you…
She will do her best to make you happy.
Not at things that are not reasonable, though.
Making you happy doesn’t have to be doing everything you say.
Olalekan: She will just be there for you.
The Guy:How can u know that she will do her best for me.
Olalekan Adebumiti: You will see it, of course.
The Guy: Ok. Thanks.
That’s the end of the chat.
Why I didn’t answer the question directly and had to chat it out? There are many things I wouldn’t know if I did.
Chatting it out is the best way to go about such questions because you will help the inquirer to personalize it.
Now, to you reading this piece…
Whenever you are trying to check if someone is good for you or not, never let your selfishness and ego judge your decision.
If what you want in a relationship is not what is reasonable, not what is generally acceptable, then give it up.
Love is Kind. Love is not egoistic. Love doesn’t reward evil for evil. Love is Caring. Love Gives. Love is not proud. Love doesn’t seek its own. Love is selfless. Love is not insecure.
If what you want in a relationship can’t answer to those definitions of love, then you will hardly get the best out of the relationship.
Over to You
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