Olalekan Adebumiti
You remember when you first joined; it felt like a playground of endless potential.
Every swipe was a thrill, every match was a shot of pure adrenaline, and every new message felt like the beginning of a story that might finally end your search.
Your heart was open, your curiosity was peaked, and you genuinely believed that “the one” was just a few scrolls away.
You had the energy to be witty, the patience to be kind, and the hope to keep going even when a date didn’t quite work out.
Now, every time you open the app, it feels like visiting a graveyard of your own past failures and faded conversations.
You see the same faces you saw three years ago, and you wonder if you’re all just trapped in a digital purgatory, doomed to cycle through the same shallow pleasantries until the end of time.
The longer you stay, the more the app stops being a tool for discovery and starts being a cold reminder of your own isolation.
You aren’t just tired; you are emotionally saturated, and the very machine you used to find a connection has become the barrier keeping you from it.
Let’s explore the heavy reality of why the journey feels steeper the longer you keep climbing.
1. It Desensitises Your Heart To The Magic Of A First Impression
In the beginning, you used to look at a profile and wonder about the person’s life, their dreams, and their quiet moments.
Now, you process a face in less than a second, categorising humans as if you were sorting through junk mail.
Your brain has become too efficient at filtering, which means you are no longer open to the “slow burn” of attraction.
Because you have seen thousands of “perfect” photos, the natural beauty of a real human being no longer registers as special.
You have developed a digital callus that protects you from disappointment but also prevents you from feeling a spark.
It is a tragedy of overexposure where the extraordinary has become mundane through sheer volume.
2. It Rewards Your Cynicism Rather Than Your Curiosity
The longer you stay, the more you start to look for reasons to say “no” rather than reasons to say “yes.”
You have been burned by “ghosts” and “catfishes” so many times that your default setting is now one of deep suspicion.
It encourages you to hunt for “red flags” in a bio like a detective at a crime scene, looking for any excuse to move on.
This cynicism is a survival mechanism, but it effectively kills the vulnerability required to actually fall in love.
You are no longer dating with an open heart; you are dating with a shield held high in front of your face.
Because the app has shown you the worst of people, you have stopped expecting to find the best of them.
It turns the search for love into a defensive manoeuvre where the goal is simply not to get hurt again.
3. It Creates A “Digital Ghost Town” Effect In Your Mind
You start to see the same group of people on every app, and it creates a terrifying sense that the world is shrinking.
It feels like you are trapped in a room with the same fifty strangers, all of you waiting for a door to open that doesn’t exist.
This repetition breeds a specific kind of resentment where you start to dislike people you haven’t even met yet.
You feel like a “failure” because you are still there, and you project that same judgment onto everyone else you see.
It is a psychological echo chamber where your loneliness is reflected back at you by hundreds of other lonely faces.
4. It Forces You Into A Cycle Of Comparison That No Real Person Can Win
After years of swiping, you have an internal library of “ideal” traits that you have pieced together from a thousand different profiles.
You find yourself comparing the real, flawed person sitting across from you to a composite ghost of everyone else you’ve seen.
It makes it impossible for anyone to satisfy you because you are chasing a digital phantom that doesn’t exist in one body.
The longer you stay, the more you believe that “perfection” is just one more swipe away, making reality feel like a consolation prize.
You are holding the living world to a standard that only a filtered, edited photograph can meet.
Because you have too much data, you have lost the ability to appreciate the simple beauty of a genuine connection.
It is a trap of your own making, fueled by a system that profits from your permanent dissatisfaction.
5. It Throttles Your Visibility To Keep You Paying For Access
The app’s algorithm knows exactly how long you have been a user and how much “hope” you have left to spend.
It begins to hide your profile from high-quality matches to create a sense of scarcity that drives you toward premium features.
You feel like it is getting “harder” because the machine is literally making it harder for people to see you.
Because you are a long-term user, you are seen as a reliable source of revenue rather than a person to be helped.
It creates a “pay-to-play” environment where your natural charisma is suppressed by a digital gatekeeper.
You are fighting against a line of code that is designed to keep you frustrated and reaching for your credit card.
The system isn’t broken; it is working perfectly to ensure you remain a customer for as long as possible.
6. It Erodes Your Social Confidence Outside Of The Screen
The longer you rely on a screen to facilitate your romantic life, the more your “real-world” dating muscles begin to waste away.
You find it increasingly difficult to read body language or maintain a conversation without the safety of a “delete” button.
It makes you feel like the only way to meet someone is through an interface, which creates a deep sense of helplessness.
You start to believe that you are invisible in the real world because you have spent so much time being a profile.
This loss of confidence makes the apps feel like a necessary evil rather than a helpful tool.
You are trapped in a loop where you hate the app, but you are too afraid to try anything else.
Because you have outsourced your charm to an algorithm, you have forgotten how to use it yourself.
It is a slow stripping away of your social agency that leaves you feeling small and powerless.
7. It Turns The Search For A Partner Into A Gruelling Statistical Game
Eventually, you stop looking for a soul and start looking for a “probability” that this person won’t waste your time.
You treat dating like a numbers game where you have to process a certain amount of “leads” to find one “sale.”
This cold, analytical approach kills the joy, the romance, and the basic humanity of the experience.
It feels harder because you are no longer a person looking for love; you are a weary auditor of human data.
The “Why” behind your exhaustion is that your heart was never meant to be a calculator.
You are trying to find a spiritual miracle using a method that was designed for inventory management.
It is time to admit that the machine has won, and the only way to reclaim your heart is to stop playing.
Your soul is tired of being a metric in someone else’s growth chart.
The game is rigged, and the only way to win is to walk away from the table entirely.
The Parting Gift Of Perspective
Dear, do realise that your burnout is a badge of honour.
It means you are still human enough to be exhausted by a system that treats you like an object.
The apps feel harder because you were meant for something softer, slower, and much more real than a piece of software can provide.
Put the phone down, let the digital noise fade, and remember that the most beautiful connections in history happened without a single algorithm’s help.
