Olalekan Adebumiti
You walked into the digital dating world like it was a neon-lit casino, ready to hit the jackpot with a single swipe.
The first few matches felt like winning streaks, fueling a fire that made you feel invincible and “in the game.”
You stayed up late, illuminated by the glow of potential, convinced that the love of your life was just a few more scrolls away.
The notifications arrived like coins clinking into a tray, confirming your worth and promising a future that felt both inevitable and effortless.
You were intoxicated by the sheer volume of attention, believing that the “house” was finally on your side.
But the house always wins, and lately, you’ve realised you’re just sitting at a cold machine in the dark.
The rush of the gamble has worn off, leaving you with a drained battery and a heart that feels even emptier than before.
You find yourself opening the app out of muscle memory rather than hope, clicking through faces with the robotic precision of a factory worker.
The vibrant colours of the interface now feel garish, and the “ding” of a new message no longer makes your pulse quicken.
It is a hollow, repetitive cycle that has left you emotionally bankrupt.
Let’s look at how the game was designed to lead you to this very moment of exhaustion.
1. It Starts As A Novelty That Feeds Your Ego
The first few days on a new platform feel like a social awakening where everyone is suddenly interested in your story.
You receive a flurry of attention that feels like a standing ovation for your existence.
This initial surge is often the result of the app “boosting” new profiles to ensure you get hooked immediately.
It convinces you that you are the main character in a vast, romantic epic that is finally beginning to unfold.
You feel a sense of power as you sort through options, revelling in the fact that so many people want a piece of your time.
2. It Floods Your Brain With Unsustainable Levels Of Dopamine
The experience is engineered to trigger the reward centres of your brain with every single successful match.
You are experiencing a chemical high that is traditionally reserved for major life achievements or physical thrills.
It creates a biological frenzy that makes you feel more alive, more attractive, and more hopeful than usual.
However, the human brain was never designed to process this many “social wins” in such a short period of time.
You become like a lightbulb burning too bright; eventually, the filament inside is going to snap from the heat.
The excitement is not actually based on the people you meet, but on the chemical cocktail the app is mixing for you.
When the levels eventually drop, the world outside the screen starts to look grey and uninviting.
3. It Creates An Addictive Cycle Of “What If” Thinking
The app thrives on the idea that the “best” option is always hidden just beneath the next profile.
It keeps you in a state of permanent anticipation, where you are always looking past the person you just met.
You find yourself wondering if you should reply to a message or if you should wait to see who else appears at midnight.
This “What If” thinking prevents you from ever being fully present with a single human being.
It is a psychological loop that makes commitment feel like a loss of potential rather than a gain of intimacy.
You are effectively gambling with your future, always holding out for a “Royal Flush” that may not even exist.
The more you chase the unknown, the more you devalue the reality of the people standing right in front of you.
Eventually, the endless possibilities become a prison of indecision that keeps you completely alone.
4. It Slowly Replaces Genuine Curiosity With Pattern Recognition
In the beginning, you read every bio and look at every photo with a sense of wonder and genuine interest.
As time goes on, you start to see people as “types” or “categories” rather than individual souls with complex lives.
It teaches you to scan for “red flags” and deal-breakers within seconds, turning your heart into a cynical filter.
You stop wondering about someone’s dreams and start wondering if they fit into your pre-set digital criteria.
The personhood of your matches begins to fade away, replaced by a series of data points you need to process.
This shift kills the very empathy that is required to build a lasting, meaningful relationship.
5. It Turns Human Beings Into Disposable Digital Content
The interface encourages you to treat people with the same fleeting attention you give to a social media feed.
It creates a “throwaway” culture where a single awkward text or a minor disagreement is enough to end a connection.
Because the supply feels infinite, you stop putting in the effort to repair or understand a blossoming bond.
You start to view the people you talk to as characters in a game rather than humans who can be hurt.
It is a dehumanising process that leaves both you and your matches feeling like commodities on a shelf.
When everyone is replaceable, nobody feels valuable, including the person staring back at you in the mirror.
The excitement of the “new” is quickly replaced by the chill of a world without any real loyalty.
You are living in a digital marketplace where the currency is human attention, and the prices are always dropping.
6. It Eventually Exhausts Your Emotional Capacity To Care
After months of “starting over” with new people, your ability to feel excitement begins to atrophy.
It feels like you are telling the same stories and asking the same questions to a revolving door of strangers.
The emotional labour of being “on” and interesting becomes a burden that you no longer want to carry.
You find yourself “ghosting” or being “ghosted” without even feeling a sting of guilt or sadness anymore.
This numbness is your heart’s way of protecting itself from the repetitive trauma of shallow endings.
You have reached the point of diminishing returns, where the effort of the swipe far outweighs the reward of the match.
7. It Reveals The Void That Technology Can Never Fill
The final stage of the journey is the realisation that the app has provided you with a lot of noise but very little music.
It has filled your evenings with activity, but it has not filled your life with true companionship.
The excitement was a distraction from the fact that you are seeking something that cannot be found in an interface.
It leaves you with a profound sense of “digital loneliness” that feels much heavier than being traditionally single.
You have looked through a thousand windows and realised that none of them have actually led you home.
This is the hard truth: the machine was designed to keep you busy, but it was never designed to keep you warm.
The only way to find the peace you are looking for is to walk out of the casino and back into the sunlight.
The Wisdom Of The Quiet Room
My parting gift to you is the understanding that your exhaustion is not a sign that you are broken, but a sign that your humanity is fighting back.
You were not built for the rapid-fire consumption of other souls, and your heart is simply asking for a slower, deeper pace.
The excitement of the casino is a lie, but the peace of a real connection is worth the wait.
Put the phone down, let the dopamine settle, and remember that the best things in life don’t require a “refresh” button.
