Olalekan Adebumiti
We all live by standards, and the world operates within these boundaries. To establish our identity and prove our worth, we often strive relentlessly to meet these expectations.
In the process, we sometimes push ourselves too hard, often without even realizing it, until we reach the brink of burnout.
Wondering if you’re being too hard on yourself, or maybe someone has gently pointed it out? I’ve been there, and it can be a defeating path.
It’s a journey that drains your energy and erodes your self-esteem, leaving you feeling perpetually inadequate despite your best efforts.
But now that you’re here, it’s time to shake up those still waters and unearth the signs that indicate you’re being too hard on yourself.
Recognizing these signs is the first step towards self-compassion and finding a healthier balance in your life.
Together, let’s explore and understand the cues that reveal when it’s time to be kinder to yourself.
Obvious Signs You Are Being Too Hard on Yourself
1. Constant Self-Criticism: If you find yourself constantly criticizing your actions, decisions, and even thoughts, it’s a clear sign. This includes replaying mistakes in your mind and feeling like you can never do anything right.
2. Perfectionism: Striving for perfection in every aspect of your life, and feeling like anything less than perfect is a failure, can be a major indicator. This often leads to setting unrealistically high standards for yourself.
3. Fear of Failure: An overwhelming fear of failing can prevent you from taking risks or trying new things. This fear often stems from a belief that failure defines your worth.
4. Overworking: Pushing yourself to work excessively, even at the expense of your health and personal life, suggests that you might be too hard on yourself. This can lead to burnout and exhaustion.
5. Difficulty Accepting Compliments: If you struggle to accept compliments or dismiss them outright, it might be because you don’t believe you deserve praise or acknowledgment.
6. Feeling Guilty for Taking Breaks: Feeling guilty or anxious when you’re not working or being productive can indicate that you don’t give yourself permission to rest and recharge.
7. Comparing Yourself to Others: Frequently comparing yourself to others and feeling like you always come up short is a sign of being too hard on yourself. This comparison often leads to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.
8. Ignoring Your Achievements: Downplaying or ignoring your accomplishments, no matter how small, can indicate that you don’t give yourself credit where it’s due.
9. Low Self-Esteem: Chronic low self-esteem and self-doubt, where you question your abilities and worth, often accompany being too hard on yourself.
10. Physical Symptoms: Experiencing physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, or digestive issues can be a result of the stress and anxiety that come from being overly self-critical.
Not-So-Obvious Signs You Are Being Too Hard on Yourself
1. Procrastination: Delaying tasks because you’re afraid you won’t do them perfectly. This avoidance stems from a fear of not meeting your own high standards.
2. Difficulty Making Decisions: Struggling to make decisions, even small ones, can indicate a fear of making the wrong choice and facing self-criticism.
3. Over-Apologizing: Frequently apologizing, even when it’s not necessary, can signal that you feel responsible for things that aren’t your fault and are overly concerned with others’ perceptions of you.
4. Feeling Unworthy of Relaxation or Fun: If you feel like you don’t deserve to relax or have fun unless you’ve achieved something significant, it might mean you’re too hard on yourself.
5. Minimizing Your Problems: Downplaying your own struggles and feelings because you think they aren’t as important or valid as others’ issues is a subtle sign of self-neglect.
6. Hyper-Focus on Productivity: Being obsessed with being productive at all times and feeling guilty during downtime can indicate that you place too much value on constant achievement. This is closely related to feeling unworthy of relaxation or fun.
7. Inability to Accept Help: Refusing help from others because you believe you should handle everything on your own can be a sign of self-imposed pressure and pride.
8. Difficulty Acknowledging Progress: Failing to see or acknowledge the progress you’ve made, no matter how small, suggests that you’re too focused on what you haven’t achieved yet.
9. Physical Clues: Subtle physical symptoms like tension in your body, frequent colds, or a general feeling of being run down can be manifestations of the stress of being too hard on yourself.
10. Emotional Numbness: Feeling emotionally numb or detached can be a defense mechanism against the constant pressure you put on yourself, leading to a lack of joy or satisfaction in life.
11. Difficulty Trusting Others: If you find it hard to trust others’ opinions or judgments and always second-guess their praise or feedback, it can be a sign that you don’t believe in your own worth.
12. Over-Analyzing Mistakes: Spending a disproportionate amount of time analyzing your mistakes and thinking about how you could have done better, even for minor errors, is a subtle sign of excessive self-criticism. This can also relate to difficulty making decisions and procrastination.
Embrace Self-Compassion to Overcoming Self-Criticism
Recognizing the signs that you’re being too hard on yourself is the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life. From constant self-criticism and perfectionism to subtle cues like procrastination and emotional numbness, these indicators are cries for self-compassion.
It’s time to break the cycle of self-judgment and embrace a kinder, more understanding approach to yourself.
Start by acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small, and permit yourself to rest and enjoy life’s simple pleasures without guilt.
Accept help from others and trust in their positive feedback. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and that these moments are opportunities for growth, not measures of your worth.
With these changes, you can begin to heal from the inside out, fostering a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on relentless productivity or perfection.
Embrace your humanity, celebrate your progress, and remember that you deserve kindness and compassion from yourself as much as from anyone else. Your journey to self-love and balance starts now.
