Olalekan Adebumiti
Life often puts us in tough situations, even affecting our most cherished relationships.
When faced with life’s temptations, we sometimes make mistakes that lead to our partner shutting us out.
If the relationship is important to us, we don’t usually want to give up. We seek forgiveness, try to make amends, and hope for a way back.
If you realize you made a mistake and deserve the consequences, you genuinely seek forgiveness. Some people even turn to spellcasters to win back their lovers.
So now, you’ve acknowledged your wrongdoing and asked for forgiveness. He says yes, and everything seems fine on the surface.
But does he truly want to give the relationship a second chance, or does he have a hidden agenda?
Let me share a personal story. I grew up in Nigeria before moving to the United Kingdom a few years ago.
Here, I’ve learned a lot about men’s behaviors. Social media has shown that men have universal traits, and many of their actions are similar regardless of where they are from.
In Nigeria, I observed some of my older brothers’ and cousins’ relationships.
When they broke up with or had a major misunderstanding with a woman they didn’t see a future with, their friends sometimes suggested giving her another chance just to hurt her more (let’s say, finish her!).
An unsuspecting woman might see the open arms and fall into a trap, only to have her heart broken again, and left to bleed to a stop.
As this behavior isn’t unique to any country, race, or clan, it’s essential to recognize whether getting back with your ex or reconciling with your partner after a major disagreement is truly worth it.
Here Are the Signs to Look Out For
The list below isn’t exhaustive, but it’s a good starting point. Trust your intuition; it is often powerful enough to help you uncover hidden motives and protect your heart.
1. He Trivializes the Misunderstanding
Here’s the first one on the list. A man who makes light of the issue that caused your breakup or major disagreement, it’s a sign he’s not taking it seriously.
Statements like, “It wasn’t a big deal” or “You’re overreacting” show he doesn’t respect your feelings or the significance of the problem.
A genuine attempt to make things right would involve acknowledging the seriousness of the issue and working with you to resolve it, not downplaying it.
This lack of seriousness can indicate that he’s not truly invested in giving the relationship a real second chance and might have hidden motives.
2. He Forgave Too Easily
Quick forgiveness, especially after a significant issue, can be suspicious.
Normally, forgiveness takes time, effort, and a lot of communication.
If he forgives you instantly without discussing the problem or finding a solution, it could mean he isn’t genuinely interested in resolving the issue.
This behavior can be a red flag that he might have ulterior motives and isn’t truly committed to making the relationship work.
Genuine forgiveness involves a process, not just a quick dismissal of the past.
3. He Moves Too Quickly
Pushing the relationship forward at a rapid pace is another warning sign.
If he suddenly wants to make major commitments like moving in together or making long-term plans without addressing the underlying issues, this can be a tactic to make you feel secure and committed while avoiding the hard work of resolving past problems.
You might also notice that he abruptly stops these plans just as quickly as he initiates them.
This sudden change can indicate that he was using the idea of moving forward as a facade to reel you in, without any real intention of following through.
This inconsistency connects back to his quick forgiveness and trivializing of the misunderstanding, further suggesting he might have hidden motives.
4. He Makes Demands From You
Starting to make demands or asking for favors soon after reconciling is a red flag.
He might request things like money, favors, or emotional support without offering anything in return.
This behavior shows he might be taking advantage of your willingness to make things work, using your guilt or desire to fix the relationship to benefit himself.
If his focus is more on what he can get from you rather than rebuilding trust and mutual respect, it’s a sign he might not be genuinely interested in a second chance.
This demand-making can be linked to his inconsistent behavior and the facade of moving too quickly, all indicating self-serving motives.
5. He Doesn’t Care About Your Wellbeing
A lack of concern for your emotional or physical well-being is a significant indication that his intentions are not genuine.
If he ignores your feelings, dismisses your concerns, or fails to support you when you need it, it shows he’s more focused on his own needs.
A partner who truly wants to give the relationship a second chance will prioritize your well-being and make efforts to ensure that both of you are in a good place emotionally and physically.
His disregard for your well-being connects with his tendency to make demands and his overall lack of genuine commitment to resolving issues.
6. He Keeps Bringing Up the Past
Continually reminding you of your mistake and using it to manipulate or control you is a red flag.
He might bring up your past wrongdoings during unrelated arguments or use them to make you feel guilty.
This shows he hasn’t truly forgiven you and is using your past to exert power over you.
A partner who is genuinely interested in a second chance would work towards letting go of past grievances and focusing on building a healthier future together.
This behavior ties back to his quick forgiveness and inconsistent actions, further highlighting his lack of genuine commitment.
7. He Avoids Serious Conversations
Dodging deep or meaningful discussions about your relationship is another sign.
If you try to talk about the issues that led to the breakup or how to improve your relationship and he changes the subject, dismisses your concerns, or becomes defensive, it shows he is not willing to address the real problems.
A partner who truly wants to give the relationship a second chance will be open to having these important conversations and working through the issues together.
Avoiding serious discussions suggests he might have other motives and is not interested in genuinely repairing the relationship.
This avoidance links to his trivializing of misunderstandings and lack of care for your wellbeing.
8. He Shows Inconsistent Behavior
The moment you notice an inconsistency between his actions and words, it’s an indication that he isn’t genuinely committed.
If he promises to change or work on issues but then fails to follow through, it shows a lack of genuine intention.
One day he might be overly affectionate and caring, and the next day, distant or neglectful. This erratic behavior can leave you confused and unsure of where you stand.
A partner serious about a second chance will be consistent in their efforts and actions, demonstrating their commitment through steady, reliable behavior.
Inconsistent actions suggest he may not truly be invested in making things work, connecting to his avoidance of serious conversations and his quick forgiveness.
9. He Is Suddenly Secretive
Becoming more secretive about his actions, whereabouts, or other aspects of his life is a warning sign.
He might start hiding his phone, avoid answering your questions directly, or become evasive when discussing his plans.
This secrecy can indicate that he is not being transparent with you and might be hiding something.
A partner who genuinely wants to rebuild trust and give the relationship a fair second chance will be open and honest with you.
Increased secrecy suggests that he may have ulterior motives and is not fully committed to a healthy and honest relationship.
This behavior ties to his inconsistent actions and avoidance of serious conversations, indicating a lack of genuine commitment.
10. He Uses Guilt to Control You
Frequent use of guilt about the past to control your actions and decisions is a major red flag, dear.
He might say things like, “If you really loved me, you would do this,” or constantly remind you of your past mistakes to manipulate you into doing what he wants.
This tactic is a form of emotional manipulation and indicates that he is not interested in a balanced, respectful relationship.
A partner who truly wants to give the relationship a second chance will focus on mutual respect and understanding, rather than using guilt as a tool for control.
Using guilt connects to his behavior of bringing up the past and making demands, further showing a lack of genuine commitment to the relationship.
11. He Is Overly Critical
An overly critical partner might constantly find faults in you, your actions, or your decisions.
This behavior is particularly concerning if it started after you reconciled.
If he is more critical now than he was before, it might be a sign that he isn’t genuinely committed to giving the relationship a second chance.
Instead, he could be using criticism to control and belittle you, suggesting he has ulterior motives.
12. He Is Emotionally Unavailable
If he avoids emotional intimacy after you have reconciled, this indicates he may not be genuinely invested in the relationship.
Previously, he might have been more open with his feelings, but now he avoids sharing his emotions or listening to yours.
This emotional distance suggests he isn’t truly committed to making the relationship work and could be a sign that he is just pretending to give you a second chance.
13. He Has a History of Repeating Patterns
If he repeats negative patterns that caused problems in the past, it’s a clear sign he hasn’t changed.
For instance, if he was unfaithful or manipulative before and those behaviors resurface, it indicates he hasn’t genuinely committed to improving.
A sincere attempt to give the relationship a second chance would involve recognizing past mistakes and actively working to avoid them.
14. He Avoids Public Commitment
After reconciling, if he avoids making your relationship known publicly or is reluctant to introduce you to his friends and family, it’s a red flag.
Before, he might have been more open about your relationship, but now he keeps it hidden.
This reluctance suggests he isn’t fully committed to the relationship and may have other motives for pretending to give you a second chance.
15. He Engages in Blame Shifting
Blame shifting is when he refuses to take responsibility for his actions and instead blames you for everything that goes wrong.
This behavior might have been absent before the breakup but appears now that you are trying to reconcile.
It shows he isn’t genuinely interested in resolving issues but rather controlling the narrative, indicating his lack of true commitment to giving you a fair second chance.
16. He Has a Hidden Agenda
If his actions suggest he has underlying motives, this is a crucial sign you should trust your guts for.
For example, if he seems more interested in the benefits of being with you, such as financial support or social status, rather than rebuilding the relationship, it indicates he isn’t genuinely committed.
This hidden agenda shows that his intentions are not pure, and he might be using the facade of a second chance for his own gain.
17. He Uses Love Bombing
Love bombing involves showering you with excessive affection, gifts, and attention right after you reconcile, which can be misleading.
Initially, this might feel flattering, but it can mask his true intentions.
If this intense affection wasn’t a part of your relationship before, it’s likely a tactic to make you dependent on him and overlook underlying issues.
Genuine reconciliation involves gradual rebuilding of trust, not overwhelming gestures.
18. He Resists Personal Growth
If he shows no interest in personal growth or improving himself, it’s a sign that he may not be committed to making the relationship work.
Previously, he might have talked about changing or addressing issues, but now he resists efforts toward self-improvement.
This resistance indicates he isn’t genuinely invested in giving the relationship a second chance, as true commitment involves both partners working on their personal growth.
How to Move Ahead From Here?
Now, as you can see, the signs are as clear as day. I understand that you are in love, and it’s often said that advising a woman in love is difficult.
But one thing is certain: the fact that you have read this post to this point means there’s a part of you that is uncertain or questioning.
So, what should you do?
I urge you to reflect on the points above and take the time to ponder your decisions about continuing with such a relationship.
They say no one is perfect, but I advise you to be with the person whose imperfections you can manage, not the one whose flaws will drown you.
Thank you for reading. Much love.
