If I tell you that you have been believing some lies about love and falling in love in relationships, would you believe me? Then, reading this post is all you need to call me a liar!
I watch as the world is ageing and true knowledge is becoming so scarce. I sigh as I am opened to the facts that some awesome beliefs about life are gradually turning into funny clichés.
These days, it is more than heartbreaking to see even teenagers join in the chorus that love is vague and hitherto not what people have known it to be.
Whenever I found myself thinking about this menace, I wouldn’t help but sigh.
As for me, love is the most outstanding sources of muse there is, especially when it’s with the right person. For those who have enjoyed its streaks, it’s the best miracle that can happen to a heart. And when you have never had a broken relationship, you need to celebrate the heart you own! To fall in love is undoubtedly a beautiful thing – I know you wouldn’t agree less.
But, how much of love do you really know? One, two, three or maybe four percent? Read on and you will understand better.
I got really more opened after having a chat with a friend on WhatsApp the other day… If I wasn’t careful enough, I would have missed close to a lifetime opportunity of understanding the concept of love the more.
To help you also, you need to get your eyes glued to this screen, making sure your attention is not divided. Because… You are about to learn!
Warning: My view on this topic isn’t final. In fact, I will love you to share your own views through the comment box below. Love is not what you have a total knowledge of. Sincerely, your view is needed. Thanks.
Set…? Here we go!
First things first… What is Love?
I have groups I belong to on Facebook, and it’s just so disturbing when I see people still asking questions like, “What is Love? What is True Love? How can I find True Love? Does Love really exist? Does True Love Exist?”
These questions keep telling me something you and I need to know. It is the fact that “The world doesn’t understand love!”
In case you are doubting me, here is a proof:
Relationship wise, most dictionaries define love as a “feeling” you have for someone!
And what’s the defeat of the above statement?
If you have ever been in a relationship, you will agree with me that what cause problems cum challenges aren’t feelings. In fact, you have feelings in your dreams. Can you remember when you would say “He doesn’t care for my wellbeing, doesn’t call me or ask how I fare? He is just there! He doesn’t love me.” And he would say, “She doesn’t know how to cook, she is not humble enough and doesn’t even know when or when not to talk. She is just a bitch. I made a mistake making her my love!”
Oh my! If love is actually feelings, why do people not just believe that their partners love them when they say, “I have feelings for you?”
When you can think about the above and believe that they are what bring about quarrels, resentment, silent treatment and even disagreements in relationships, you are close to understanding love.
As far as I know, many people keep falling in love repeatedly but don’t understand what exactly they are falling into. And when they fall out of love, they discover some parts of them have been tampered with.
Is love now a plague or flu that takes part of you when you give yourself to it? That’s what you are about to know.
I had broadcasted an update on WhatsApp about love which says:
“She said… why is true love hard to find? And I asked her, “What is Love?” Guess what… She can’t define it!”
Many people laughed that update, some agreed to it as others curiously still asked, “What is Love?”
I had expected the inquisition before I did the broadcast and so I quickly sent another one that says,
“What is Love? It is an unconditional commitment.”
Almost immediately, people started responding to it and it was amazing.
Among the responses I got, two struck me.
The first is, “There is no specific definition for love. It depends on how anyone views it!”
And the second, “Love is abstract… It’s like the air… it’s made of different matters!”
The second one really got me thinking and we began to chat.
From the chat, I picked some points I will want you and I to focus on.
He said, 1. I don’t find love. I find happiness and contentment instead. 2. We are taking “love” so serious, thinking it’s all we need. Funny enough, many people are in love who are not happy. 3. If the only reason someone is with the other person is the heady belief of love, then such is bound to be hurt consistently. 4. Love broken down is a two-way street: I love him and he loves me isn’t enough… How to know that someone really loves you is key!
Ideally the one who said there is no specific definition of love is really right. We can only come close to defining it. Love is deeper than dictionaries and even philosophers can give a concise breakdown of. It’s really like the air whose ways you can’t really tell even if you have been told that it’s a mixture of gases. For you to understand love, you need to understand its elements.
Eager to know them? You are close… Let’s continue.
Unequivocally speaking, as far as a relationship is concerned, “love is to share and care selflessly towards an end! And perfection is attained in love when one’s selflessness meets with unmetered gratitude from the beneficiary.” – Olalekan Adebumiti.
In relationships, love has goals! If you are giving me attention, care and sharing all you have with me, it’s to make me a better and happier person, which in turn will help maintain our relationship. Love is a choice and a decision. To see it as unconditional is to say that you don’t really care about the other person’s character, behaviour, look, etc. And who is that person on heart who doesn’t have preferences?
What about my earlier definition of love being an unconditional commitment?
Well, let me say that definition is not complete! Here is why!
Even though unconditional commitment is part of what makes up a long-lasting love, no human being can ever love unconditionally at all times. Only God has that capacity: He can choose to love you even when you are in any wise far from being an entity. He is also dynamic, and therefore, can choose to love conditionally!
Here is more: if all men love unconditionally, the rich will share all they have with the whole world! And there won’t actually be anything called broken relationships let alone broken homes.
Is that more confusing? Let me explain.
To love unconditionally is to love without no reservations. To love someone regardless of what they do: if he is a bully or she nags, he doesn’t care for your wellbeing or she can’t do anything right, you just have to love them. If he or she cheats on you and it doesn’t bother you, and yet you won’t even let it determine how you relate with them, then you can say you love unconditionally. If whatever they do to you doen’t affect your next action towards them, then you have unconditional love. To crown it all, if you can really love (everyone) unconditionally, you are the best man on earth.
Can you do that? I sure know you can’t!
In fact, everyone wants someone that can be everything to them: we all want to wake up, go about the activities of the day without having a disturbing thought about what or where our lover would do or be per time. If you find anyone who doesn’t want the best, such must be an angel without a physical body.
But… what makes up Love? Let’s see the paragraphs below together, and they will ultimately lead us to the lies you have been told about love and being in love.
Make sure you read the following words carefully, giving attention to the words that are bolded out.
1 Corinthians 13: vs 1-8
- Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
- And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing.
- And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not love, it profits me nothing.
- Love suffers long, and is kind; Loves envies not; love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,
- Does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;
- Rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
- Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
- Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.
In respect to the verses above, here are the facts from the lies you have been told about Love:
#1 That you feel it doesn’t mean it is true
Verse 1 and 2: As a Christian, seeing someone who speaks in tongues, can prophecy, can demystify things highly knowledgeable and have covetable faith is enough to make you have unrepentant feelings for them. But the bible is saying that one can have all these and yet not have love! He is a pastor, a prophet, very sound and brilliant is not a guarantee that he can be loved! She is doing well ministerially can be a hidden deception.
Verse 3: Under normal condition, the heart of generosity is one of the greatest gifts a man or woman can possess. Yet, the bible says, being generous isn’t a proof of love.
That he can give you all material things isn’t enough to tag him the best man in the whole world. That she whet your sexual appetite with her body doesn’t mean she loves you.
You know what? The best a man or woman can have at present isn’t enough to judge love: to enjoy love takes processes and it’s alarming how people want to jump it. I sigh.
Funny enough, I hear ladies say, I have feelings for him, and it’s something so deep and sacred. Hey! The last time I checked, falling in love because of feelings is not enough to give you a successful relationship. If you doubt me, ask those who have had broken relationships.
#2 That they say it doesn’t mean it is true.
Oh, he tells you “I love you?” Don’t be deceived! If the point number one can show you that having physical proofs of love isn’t the yardstick to measure the ideality of love, how then should you believe it when they say it with their mouth?
For how long should ladies believe lies from men? For how long are we going to accept love with just our senses? When exactly are we going to stop believing in lies that appear as truths? I know his voice is romantic to melt your heart and I also know that the best of voices can’t mend a broken heart! So, wake up!
#3 If it is not building you up, it is not true.
“It’s good for someone to love you the way you are… but if all they do is geared towards leaving you worse than they have met you, run for your life: love wants to improve you, but lust wants to reduce you.”
For love to grow it must be tied to a mutual interest. Questions like, “What do we want in this relationship?” and “What happens when one isn’t doing their part?” are important in building a relationship to last. In the same vein, joint compromise is very key. Individual ideas and beliefs must fuse into each other to reach an agreement.
Here is more reason to have a mutual interest.
You may love someone because they have what you want in a future partner whereas such doesn’t have the same level of affection for you. And if you continue that way, the relationship will only tend to be such that will be built towards everyone pursuing selfish goals.
And when you hear, “I thought we were compatible.” Selfishness is in play. Such person wanted someone who would be a slave to their interest and not having selfless interest.
Before you ever think of falling in love, you should know exactly what you want the relationship to do for you. And this is possible when you can have a grasp of your future.
How do I mean?
What would you say of a chicken falling in love with an eagle because it can fly high? I know you just laughed that and I am not surprised. You see, many relationships are like that: when they see someone that has something that seems so out of the world, they begin to fall in love without even taking your time to consider the end. Before long, they begin to rhyme, “Oh had I know!”
Before going into any relationship, you must be able to see the future ahead. Doing trial and error will only give you enough heartbreaks!
You need to sit down and think about your future before you can set to bring any other person into the equation, else heartbreak is looming.
When you think about falling in love without thinking of what you want out of the relationship, you will only regret it in the end. You really need to know exactly why you are going into a relationship. Mind you, just believing in heady knowledge or following only your intuition to fall in love is tantamount to believing that you can swim a whole month inside a river without being suffocated.
Again, that he or she always wants everything and doesn’t want to give anything back is not love! Like respect, love is reciprocal in relationships. If he is giving you money, there must be part of his life you are helping him to improve.
And did you know that no man or woman is perfect? That is why you must seek an area in your partner’s life, business or career to work on.
Verse 4 to 7: Though long-suffering (to suffer long = patiently bearing continual wrongs or trouble) is an attribute of love, it could be your undoing if the relationship is one you are not supposed to be in. Every (good) relationship sure has its ups and downs, hence the need to express love unconditionally.
Should we really love unconditionally?
Yes, because it’s required of us. But, it’s a gift and sometimes a hard decision to take. It’s what you learn and grow into and therefore, can be desired.
As long as you are very sure that your relationship is leading you to marriage, you can be unconditional for as long as you want; you can be long-suffering as long as you desire. However, you need to know when long-suffering is too long to bear, especially in abusive relationships. Don’t perpetuate long-suffering until you get yourself killed.
Generally speaking, you and I know that we tend to be selective in the people we have a long commitment to love. If you doubt me, why don’t you love a beggar down the street like you love your siblings?
Does that sound like a mix-up? Let me clear the doubt again.
To love unconditionally is to love someone without any condition attached. If you go into a relationship with at least one feature that you love in your partner, that’s a conditional love. This is because, you should have chosen any riffraff as a wife or husband if you say you love unconditionally.
The following are simple enough: Love is not selfish, but kind. It’s not moved by envy and is not proud.
Love does not behave itself unseemly. You know what unseemly means? It means, for you not to keep with accepted standards of what is right or proper in polite society. Love behaves itself seemly therefore means, it keeps with accepted standards of what is right or proper in “polite” society.
A polite society is on that preaches morality. One that tells you premarital sex is not a proof of love! The same one that shuns cohabitation. So, if it’s love truly, it will wait! Without a doubt, premarital sex only reduces you.
Love seeks not her (or his) own: when you see that your lover is constantly wanting more and more, and always would love everything to be in their favour, it’s not love. Love would want to reach an agreement, a mutual compromise. Love doesn’t say me, me, and me all the time! It is “we!”
Love is not easily provoked, thinks no evil: well, this talks about demeaning character and evil mind. Being gentle is one of those attributes of love that could be more than a miracle to get. Hey! Don’t be happy because I said that. If you are not given to gentility, it’s what you should learn.
What about your mind?
Your mind is a battleground for the good and the bad thoughts on a daily basis. And when you can have it going great, your relationship, as well as your whole life will be a haven of peace. Do you want to keep your mind going great? See Romans chapter 12.
Love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth: when your lover offends you, it’s so important not to keep scores. Forgive them easily and move on.
Did you just ask, “What if they keep doing the same thing over and over again?” If that it is, you need to take a break and sort things out before it goes out of hand. If it’s something you can’t handle on your own, or you have even tried with no desirable result, it’s wise enough to seek the help of a counselor.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things: So simple, or isn’t it? Love truly has the capacity to put up with anything, but should never be abused. Love sure can believe and hope all things, but not when it is obvious that everything will soon turn a dead end. If you will endure in a relationship, be sure it’s worth it; and be sure it’s not worth it before you can call it quit.
So far so good, love is wonderful. Love is awesome and the best venture for every heart. It is astounding when it’s with the right person, and the reverse also holds true.
On this note, I will beg you to never go into any relationship because it appears rosy to you. Sincerely, it takes God to give you the best. And I see that happening to you. Amen.
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