You have heard about Building and Rebuilding Broken Trust in Relationships and you sure understand what it takes to be a victim of mistrust in a relationship?
So, what do you do when your partner doesn’t trust you? What exactly do you fall back on when the trust in your relationship is beginning to be a pleasurable event in the past? How exactly do you feel when your partner (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée, husband or wife) finds it difficult to trust you enough? Do you want to know how to make your lover (boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife) trust you?
No matter what question you have regarding building trust in relationships, I’ve got you covered!
No matter who you are, it’s so important to learn how to build trust in a relationship.
Your knowledge about building trusts in your relationship is key to earning your lover’s respect and seeing a romantic display of love and care in their primes. Failure to take trust so seriously will surely land you a degree in “Mistrust in relationships.”
As you might have already experienced, read or seen, it’s no more news to see people bring their yesteryears into the present one. It’s a common experience – what we always do.
Ideally, it’s a norm to see ourselves saying these:
“Oh, this year is better than the past year…”
“This food tastes better than the one I ate the previous night…”
“I love this color of dress than the other…”
“This shoe fits than the one I bought last month…”
“Oh, how I love this new phone…”
Remember you say all those?
And why, if I may ask?
For you to know, a comparison in a relationship is not bad in itself – it’s a yardstick for growth. It’s a way we measure progress and the likes. It’s needed, but must be done constructively.
However, it’s such a mind-breaking menace when these past experiences form the basis of what people live out in their present relationships. It’s saddening, I must say.
And, if I may ask, what about trust in a relationship?
You see, of all the virtues that hold any successful (working) relationship, trust is one that’s a must-have. It’s a must-do.
With openness, trust is birthed. And with a continuous pull and push of trust in any relationship, a futuristic bloom is certain.
Do you want to see your relationship in the seventh heaven? It’s time you took openness so seriously. It’s high time you gave trust an incessant shot!
So far, most of those who’ve contacted me on the trust issue didn’t deserve mistrust from their partners. Most of them are innocent and lovely souls who have given their best only to get a show of undeserved ill-treatment.
Whether it’s deserving or not, it’s worth giving a portion of your time. Let’s do it then!
Now, let’s talk about Building and Rebuilding Trust in Relationships…
To bring a past experience into the present one seems pleasurable to some as it is a measure of security to some other.
Most people continue their lives with a caption of “I will trust nobody again” in their heart of hearts. Unconsciously, this decision will help mastermind their relationships to hit dissolution as they keep wondering and asking “why.” Please, tell them “why not?”
As you already know, it’s such a horrible scenario when two people who came from broken relationships meet themselves in another, together.
Most definitely, each will find it so difficult to give all their heart to the other person to save themselves from a recurrence of heartbreak. You see, I don’t really blame them.
It’s your duty to help them out of the dungeon of mistrust that their immediate world had locked them in. It’s your call to set your partner’s heart free of the bastardly experience. Your lover needs your help if only they are willing to get help.
By now, you should know that most breakups are results of broken trusts: you give all your heart, spirit, soul and body to someone you thought would be by your side on the walk down the aisle, only to discover in the end that such didn’t deserve it from the start!
So disheartening, you’ll say!
If you’ve been a victim of this horridness, you sure know how it feels. It’s sure like being wrapped in the pangs of death as one watches their breath being taken away on a per-second trigger.
When you see your partner exuding this disdainful virtue called mistrust, the first thing you need to do shouldn’t be to start yelling! If you do, you might discover you’ve taken a gruesome step into an irredeemable breakup!
After all, trust is to be earned.
I need not tell you how to know if your partner trusts you or not. It’s almost the most obvious thing to detect in anyone in a relationship.
To know whether they trust you or not, check if they share important parts of their life with you. Someone who trusts you will be eager to share their challenges, struggles and most pleasured moments with you. You wouldn’t agree less!
With trust through openness, you will feel loved, guaranteed. You will feel a sense of belonging even in your dreams.
Hey, whenever you begin to see a decline in the level of trust that your lover gives, it is so certain that the relationship is going towards its dead end.
Trust, once you get it. It’s priceless. But once you lose it, you are useless. — Unknown
It’s time to work!
When trust is missing, it’s difficult to submit one to another as commanded by the Bible… It’s in fact close to impossible to do that…
You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough. — Frank Crane
‘Trust’ of all qualities cannot be improvised for. It’s either it is present or the relationship crashes.
So, what do you do when your partner doesn’t trust you in a relationship?
To forgive someone who hurt you is easy but to trust them again is next to impossible. — Anurag Prakash Ray
First things first: Know Why!
If we already know why some things are happening to us, chances are that we will find easier ways to address them. “Knowing why” is a step to knowing “How to.”
Since you already know that your partner doesn’t trust you enough, the next thing to do is for you to know why it’s happening that way.
It’s easier when the mistrust starts at the inception of the relationship than somewhere in-between.
If you discover they find it difficult to trust you since you started the relationship, the problem is sure from their past relationship.
However, if your partner starts acting up, growing cold towards you after months or years of your relationship, know that the source is directly connected to you: it’s either they’ve found someone else they thought is better or you’ve done something that deserves such.
So, have you done something before to deserve it?
Broken people lead to broken hearts. That’s why it’s so important to heal from one relationship before starting another. — Mandy Hale
Let’s take a cue from this short story:
Rose could only regret ever confessing to her fiancé that she was lured into sleeping with her ex.
You can guess…. Yes! It was a whole dye splash on their sweet love afterward.
His commitment to see the relationship grow took a sharp turn downwards. His heart bled and the once-upon-a-bliss they both shared suddenly turned sour.
If something isn’t done to avert the coldness that already marred the relationship, it’s sure made to end soon.
I see the above scenario every now and then. I wouldn’t help but sigh on each occasion.
Even if that’s one of those stories in home videos, you and I know it’s not far from what happens every day.
As a matter of fact, it takes something beyond the natural to trust a partner who has betrayed you before. Even the betrayer has to put in extra effort to restore the trust…While he/she faces the consequences pending the time it will be restored – that’s if it ever will, right?
What if you are so sure you haven’t done anything to deserve it – and you are very sure? You never cheated on your lover, never told any lies, and never broke any vow cum promise? Then the problem is half-way solved. Without any doubt, it’s from your partner.
We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy — Walter Anderson
Here is a Warning:
Don’t join those who say telling lies is one way to prove that you have respect for your lover’s heart.
Telling lies is a lurking danger in itself. It’s a master of the acts that’ll tailor your relationship to heartbreak’s taste.
You are only the best lover in the world until your lies catch up with you – they definitely will. And when they do, you would have sown the trust in your relationship to reap more than a handful of regrets.
Mind you, the best of liars hate lies. Yes or Yes?
What then is the way forward?
It’s simple. Ask about their previous relationships. Ask about their Friends. Funny enough, it might have been from someone else and not from a former relationship.
It could even be the result of a broken trust from a friend, a family member, a co-worker, or a trusted fellow.
It’s your duty to get to the root of this.
Wait! Don’t do it now!
This post, 5 BEST TIPS TO MAKE YOUR ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP LAST explains why… (post opens in a new tab)
By experience and through knowledge, the worst of men or women will open up when their mind is taken on a Rollercoaster kind of emotional gyration. When you set them up for a romantic show, they’ll be willing to tell you the deepest of their feelings.
But… You need to earn trust in your relationship.
I remember one night, many years ago. I saw this young girl crying and I was moved to find out what made her cry.
As I moved closer, I asked, “Why are you crying?”
With her swollen face and vibrating lips with much jabbering, she managed to say, “My dad wouldn’t pay my school fees…”
“Hey, don’t worry. He sure will pay.” I said that as I gave her a gesture to wipe her tears.
“Now, go in and kneel down before him. Put your arms on his thigh and say…
Daddy, you know I have no one other than you. I’ve no help elsewhere if you choose not to help me. You are sure a loving father. You’ve been that before now and you won’t stop here. You won’t stop to make me proud of you. Do this for your baby. I love you… “
As you would expect, the same man that claimed not to have any money on him gave the little girl all she asked for the following morning.
For you to know, your partner is willing to tell you all the hidden secrets they ever held dear if you would just take a cue from the little girl’s story above.
When making requests, don’t do it like you own your partner. It’s a privilege to have met them and you must respect that. Humble yourself before them – no matter your gender – and watch their heart being opened to give you all the attention you would ever need.
If you are a male, you take her out to somewhere nice. Huh, don’t make me tell you what a nice place looks like!
But… Don’t even ask them about it during the course of the date. Let her enjoy it and she will think that you are changing for the better – of course, you are – and not just finding a means to siphon her thoughts.
For days following, send her simple texts that affirm your love for her. Send some that promises your commitment to the relationship. Be more interested in her day to day activities and the least of her worries. Offer help when she asks.
You shouldn’t necessarily go bankrupt, guy! Do your best possible. And do it like you’re helping an unknown person. The thought wouldn’t sap your heart when you don’t get a good payback in the end.
There and then, you can ask her to tell you what she’ll want you to do to make the relationship last.
Tell her “you think” she’s finding it difficult to trust you. If she denies it, don’t worry. Just continue doing your best and she’ll fix herself sooner than you think.
To the ladies finding it difficult to make their partner trust them, do this:
You don’t have to take him out. Smiles.
Let him know that you are worth to be trusted with his secrets and life and he sure will.
You see, most ladies enter relationships with just their makeup kits. They bring in little to no empowerment features and yet they expect their partner to trust them to help. Wake up if you are one!
They’ll rather trust another lady who’s got the sixth sense and use you to get their lustful appetites done.
It’s all about what you bring to the table. Your life must express beauty beyond the facial look. You must express a queenly feature from within and you could cage him to stick with you for life.
So, empower yourself first and you are close to being opened to.
So, you are not guilty of the above example?
Then, be sure he’s not seeing someone else. Someone better than you are, you know. Someone whose makeup kit has in it excellent character and outlandish display of true love. You know what that means right?
So, you might have to find the root of his mistrust first; is it from hos past relationships or it started after you had one misunderstanding or little quarrel.
To help yourself, be more interested in his business, life, and day to day activities and he’ll find a way to start opening up to you.
Mind you, it’s not a time to ask for a change of wardrobe or new iPhone. Forget about the pleasurable and focus on winning his heart first.
If you still find it difficult to do, mail me at email@example.com,
or chat me up on Whatsapp, +2348032503305.
What if you are the one finding it difficult to trust?
By now, it’s easy to trace yours!
Certainly, your own insecurities will catch up on you and so are your ill-manners. If you find a trace of “self” in the mistrust that’s happening in your relationship, it’s time to address your own insecurities.
More often than not, insecurities in your life will make you unwilling to trust others. When people have been hurt in the past, it’s so common to see them have a guard around their heart. This decision tends to give them up for a show of mistrust in their relationships.
Treat your heart right. Find peace with yourself and your relationship will take the same turn.
Then, see this…
Rebuilding trust when it’s been broken is not dependent only on the person who has broken it, or how many times they can prove they are honest. It depends on the person who has decided not to trust anymore. Though they may be totally justified in their decision not to trust, as long as they choose not to, the relationship has no hope of survival and should be ended. If or when they decide to trust again, there is hope reborn — Doe Zantamata
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