Bukola Arikawe
Most times, it’s not always easy to forgive our partners when they hurt us.
We can find ourselves holding onto negative emotions, replaying the situation, and being resentful.
But not forgiving our partners can have serious consequences for our relationship, creating a toxic cycle of blame and anger that erodes trust and intimacy.
That’s why forgiveness is such an important part of any healthy relationship.
It can improve communication, build trust, and deepen intimacy between partners. We can let go of negative emotions and move forward positively by learning to forgive.
So let’s jump in and explore these powerful ways to forgive and move forward together.
1. Prioritize Your Own Needs and Well-Being
Are you struggling with forgiving your partner? It’s okay to feel that way, but it’s essential to prioritize your own needs and well-being.
Focusing on yourself when dealing with a relationship may seem counterintuitive, but self-care is vital for mental and emotional health.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you’re being selfish; it means you’re putting your well-being first so you can be in a better position to deal with the situation at hand
One of the best ways to prioritize self-care is by taking time for yourself. This can involve engaging in activities you enjoy, such as reading, exercising, or spending time with friends.
By doing something you love, you’re allowing yourself to relax and recharge. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel once you’ve taken a break from the situation and focused on yourself for a while.
Another way to prioritize self-care is by setting boundaries. If you feel like your partner is taking advantage of or treating you poorly, standing up for yourself and communicating your limits is essential.
This may involve saying no to things that make you uncomfortable or setting limits on how much time you spend together. By setting boundaries, you’re showing yourself and your partner that you value yourself and your well-being.
Finally, it’s important to practice self-compassion. Forgiving someone can be difficult, and it’s okay to struggle with it.
Be kind to yourself, and remember that forgiveness is a process. You may not be able to forgive your partner right away, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to forgive them eventually.
2. Find Ways to Talk Openly and Effectively
Finding ways to talk openly and effectively can be challenging when you’re struggling to forgive your partner. However, communicating your feelings and needs is crucial to moving forward.
Open communication involves expressing your thoughts and feelings in a way your partner can understand. It means listening to your partner without judgment and being willing to compromise.
Effective communication can help build trust, understanding, and empathy between partners
You can start by setting aside time to talk with your partner, ensuring you won’t be interrupted or distracted. Being honest and clear about your thoughts and feelings is essential while respecting your partner’s perspective.
Avoid using accusatory language or blaming your partner, as this can cause them to become defensive.
Listening actively to your partner’s side of the story is also vital. Give them your full attention and ask questions to clarify their point of view.
If you’re struggling to understand their perspective, try putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their point of view.
3. Focus on What You Can Control
Living in the present moment can be a powerful way to let go of negative emotions and move forward in your relationship.
It’s easy to get caught up in past hurts and future worries, but focusing on what you can control in the present moment can help you feel more centred and empowered.
One way to live in the present is to practice mindfulness, which involves paying attention to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in a non-judgmental way.
Observing your current experiences lets you recognize when you’re getting caught up in negative thought patterns or emotional reactions.
Another way to focus on the present is to engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment.
Of course, there may be times when you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions and find it challenging to stay in the present moment. That’s okay – forgiveness is a process, and it’s natural to experience setbacks.
4. Seek Professional Assistance in Navigating Complex Emotions
When you’re struggling to forgive your partner, it’s easy to feel like you’re on your own. But the truth is, there are professionals out there who are trained to help you navigate these complex emotions.
Seeking help from a therapist, counsellor, or other mental health professionals can be incredibly beneficial in forgiveness.
Sometimes, knowing where to start when working through your emotions is hard. You may feel stuck in a cycle of anger, hurt, and resentment and can’t break free.
That’s where a professional can come in; they can help you identify the root of your emotions, develop coping strategies, and work towards a healthy and productive resolution.
Talking to a stranger about your feelings may be intimidating, but remember that therapists are there to support and guide you. They’re not there to judge or criticize.
Such professionals can provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to work through your emotions and come out stronger on the other side.
5. Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude
Forgiveness can be a difficult thing to achieve, but it’s not impossible.
One way to develop forgiveness is through practising mindfulness and gratitude. Mindfulness helps you become aware of your thoughts and emotions, while gratitude enables you to focus on the positive aspects of your life.
When you’re feeling hurt or angry, it can be challenging to focus on anything positive.
But by practising mindfulness, you can learn to acknowledge your feelings without getting overwhelmed. This can help you see the situation objectively and identify what you need to do to move forward.
Practising gratitude can also help you develop forgiveness by reminding you of the good things in your life.
Developing forgiveness through mindfulness and gratitude takes time and effort. It’s not a quick fix and may require deep introspection and reflection. But with patience and practice, you can learn to forgive and move forward positively.
You can start by practising mindfulness and gratitude for a few moments each day. This can be as simple as taking a few deep breaths and reflecting on what you’re grateful for.
Over time, you can expand and incorporate this practice into your daily routine.
6. Understand Your Role in the Relationship
Taking responsibility for your actions and understanding your role in the relationship can be a game-changer for forgiveness.
It’s easy to blame your partner and focus solely on their mistakes. Still, it’s salient to recognize that a healthy relationship involves both people taking responsibility for their actions.
By understanding your role in the relationship and taking responsibility for your actions, you can make positive changes that will benefit you and your partner.
This may involve acknowledging past mistakes and committing to making changes moving forward or being more proactive in communicating your needs and feelings.
Taking responsibility does not mean taking all the blame or accepting mistreatment; it involves recognizing your own role in the relationship and working to improve it.
Actively listening to your partner and seeking to understand their perspective is a way to start taking responsibility. This can help build empathy and understanding, ultimately leading to greater forgiveness and stronger emotional connection.
7. Move Forward and Embrace Positive Change
Letting go is not an easy thing to do, especially when it comes to forgiving a partner who has hurt you.
However, holding onto anger and resentment only harms you in the long run. So, how can you let go and move forward towards positive change?
Acknowledge your feelings and recognize that you cannot change the past.
Instead, think about what actions you can take in the present to improve your relationship and your own well-being. One way to do this is to focus on the present moment and what you can control.
Another critical step is to practice self-compassion and kindness towards yourself. Remember that forgiveness is a process, and it takes time.
So, it’s okay to feel hurt and need time to heal. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel and process your emotions.
Finally, focusing on the positive changes that can come from forgiveness and letting go is beneficial. This includes improved communication, deeper understanding, and growth and healing opportunities.
Putting These Tools Into Practice for a Healthier Relationship
Now that you have learned about the various tools to help you forgive your partner, it’s time to put them into practice for a healthier relationship.
One way to put these tools into practice is to make a conscious effort to communicate with your partner. Share your feelings and thoughts with them, and be willing to listen to their perspective as well.
Another tool to practice is developing empathy towards your partner.
Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their actions and emotions. This can help you better understand and forgive them for any past hurt or wrongdoings.
Don’t forget also to practice self-care and self-compassion. Taking care of yourself and your emotions is crucial in forgiveness. This can involve meditation, therapy, or spending time doing something you love.
Departing Words
As you read this article, I hope you’ve gained valuable insights on moving forward when forgiveness is impossible.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic.
Have you ever struggled to forgive your partner? What steps did you take to move forward?
Let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to share this article with someone who might find it helpful. Thanks for reading!
