Olalekan Adebumiti
We all have lied to our parents at one point or the other in our lives. Lying to your parents could make you feel good initially because it may be an easy way to cover up your faults, but when it is exposed, the bad feeling gets to overwhelm you, and you seek the best way to remedy the situation.
The damage done by lying can be so harsh that you might lose the trust you have built over time with your parents. Maybe you didn’t mean to lie, but it happened, or probably you lied intentionally, but you are remorseful and seeking to regain their trust again, together we will take a look at some things that you should do which will help you build trust again.
Why Lying Can Ruin A Good Relationship
Imagine a mason building a house upon sand rather than concrete; when the rain comes, it will surely be brought down completely because it has a faulty foundation. A relationship built on lies will end up crashing all of a sudden. So over time, if you have been lying to others, your dishonesty will have a huge impact on your relationships with others and can even drive people away from you completely. Here are some reasons why lying can ruin a good relationship.
Lying Hurts The Other Person
Lying to someone you care about can be devastating. It will hurt them, and it will also hurt you. It might even push them away from you because nobody wants to be lied to. You need to learn how not to lie to people. There is never a good reason for lying. If you can’t be honest with the person then don’t say anything at all. If they ask you a question, if they want to know something, then give them the truth. So, if you always want to be on good terms with someone, then you should always speak the truth.
Lying Creates Distrust
Trust is the bedrock of a healthy relationship. It is a mutual bond where both parties feel safe and secure with each other. Lying creates distrust, it is a selfish act which damages relationships and erodes the foundation of trust. Telling lies is not good for any relationship, whether it is a friend, a family member or a significant other. Lies make people feel like they can’t trust you or believe anything you say anymore. If there is no trust in your relationship, then what do you have left?
Lying Breeds More Lies
Think about it for a moment: Have you ever lied about something major before? If so, how many times have you had to lie in order to cover up the first lie? Or how many white lies have been told in order to keep your main secret safe? These lies add up quickly and it becomes difficult to remember who knows what and who doesn’t know what. Trying to tell the truth can be hard, but do it anyway. The next time you find yourself tempted to lie, imagine how difficult this person’s life already is, and try telling the truth instead. Then watch as your relationship grows stronger with each passing day.
Why It’s Important To Earn Your Parents’ Trust
Truly, a great parent-child relationship is what every person should strive for. And believe it or not, it’s possible for you to be close with your parents, even as an adult. But in order for this to happen, you must earn their trust first. It’s important to earn your parents’ trust. Here is why:
It Fosters A Healthy Relationship
Having a relationship of trust with your parents will help you feel confident enough to ask for advice from them, and you can always count on them to be there for you and love you no matter what. When your parents know that they can depend on you when times are rough, they’ll be able to enjoy life more because they don’t have anything weighing down on their mind.
They Are More Likely To Listen To You
A child who trusts his or her parents will feel safe enough with them to share things about themselves that they might not otherwise want others to know. This allows parents to learn about their children’s friends, activities and interests that might cause problems or concern if they aren’t known beforehand.
They Will Always Be Willing To Support You
If your parents trust you, they will be more willing to give you their advice when you need it. This can include money to buy clothes and other essentials or even just give advice on how to do well in school or deal with problems at work. If they don’t trust you anymore, they won’t feel like helping as much.
How To Regain Trust After Lying To Your Parents
After you have lied to your parents, the next step is to actively work on regaining their trust. If the lie was big enough, or the consequences very serious, they might not want to trust you again for a long time. But if you put in some effort and are deliberate about it, you would be able to regain their trust sooner than you think. The process of rebuilding trust can be difficult, but it is possible. Here are some tips that can help you out:
Confess Your Faults To Them
Honesty is always the best way to go in any situation. Confessing your faults shows you are mature and also genuine in your repentance. Open up to your parents about how you have erred, and it will go a long way in regaining their trust. Be honest about everything, whether it be where you are going, what you are doing, or how much money you have spent. They will not want to trust someone who lies to them all the time, so this is one of the most important things you can do.
When you do something wrong, admit it right away rather than making excuses for it or trying to hide it from them. You might be able to fool everyone else but never lie about anything to your parents because they see through everything anyway. They know when something isn’t right, so it’s best you own up to your faults.
Take Responsibility For Your Actions
Do you ever have this happen? You’re in a conversation with your dad or mum, and they say, “I know that isn’t true,” or “I know you did XYZ even though I told you not to do it.” And then what do you do? Do you acknowledge that they are right? Or do you continue to lie?
You might think that the best way to handle the situation is to continue lying. After all, if they don’t know that they are right, they won’t prove it!
But I’ve got news for you: When someone catches you in a lie, continuing to lie isn’t going to make it go away. What ends up happening is that every time someone confronts your lie, it becomes harder and harder for them to believe anything else that comes out of your mouth. So, for your parents to trust you, you have to admit your faults and apologize, because that is a sign of maturity and it will help you regain their trust.
Ask Your Parents For Forgiveness
There is this saying that I so much agree with: “Forgiveness is the first step to healing”. It is important to ask your parents for forgiveness after lying to them. This can be a difficult conversation, but it is necessary to rebuild their trust again and help you resolve the root cause of the lies. The goal of this conversation is not to place blame or shame but rather to heal you of your guilt and to heal them of their hurt. So have you lied to your parents and you seek to make things work again, then seek forgiveness and start on the road to recovery together.
Accept The Consequences Of Your Action
Doing wrong is no fun, and we all want to avoid it. We also want to avoid getting caught. So, we lie to our parents when they ask us about some things we have done wrong. Sometimes we lie because we don’t feel like dealing with it. Sometimes we lie because we think we won’t get caught. Sometimes we lie just for the sake of it. Whatever the reason, accepting the consequences of our actions is something we all have to face sometimes and grow from it. We shouldn’t let ourselves get away with something just because we think it won’t hurt anyone or that nobody will find out about it. Accepting the consequences of our actions is a big step in growing as a person and being responsible for what we do.
If your parents catch you lying, you can be sure that they will punish you or at least make sure that there is some consequence for what you’ve done. That’s their job as your parents. They need to make sure that you understand that lying is wrong and will cause problems in the long run. If you successfully go through this phase, they will learn to trust you next time after they see genuine repentance.
Allow Your Parents To Express Themselves
Letting your parents express their displeasure is an important part of conflict resolution. It’s natural for parents to get angry when they find out that their child is lying or keeping secrets. Part of this is because they feel hurt that you didn’t trust them enough to tell them the truth. They also might be worried about how this might affect your future. Hearing the anger in your parent’s voice doesn’t make it any less real for them. It can even make them angrier if you don’t acknowledge their feelings and try to fix the problem. That’s why it can be helpful to let them express their feelings before trying to talk things over.
Make Up For Your Mistakes
Showing that you have learned from your past mistake and have changed is the best way to make up for it. This does not mean apologizing over and over again but showing that you are truly sorry for making a mistake and trying hard not to repeat it again. One way of doing this is by helping out with something that needs doing in return for the inconvenience you have caused them. This way, they will know that you mean what you say.
Give Your Parents A Reason To Trust You Again
In most cases, you will only get their trust back when they start noticing a change in your behavior. For example, if you do not want to hide anything, then you would have to stop lying altogether. Also, you could think of something they would approve of or enjoy doing with you that can show you’ve grown up since your last lie. Maybe they’ve mentioned something they would like to do or try, like travel somewhere, go on a trip, or see a movie together. If your parents are like most, they want you to grow up and become more independent, so this could be an opportunity for you to show that independence by doing something with them as a way to show that you’ve matured and are ready for more responsibility.
Conclusion
Building trust with your parents can be a hard process, but it is worth it in the end. You could face many hurdles, and it could be challenging to deal with them, but trust me when I say that if you make yourself worthy of your parents’ love and trust again, you will certainly be able to gain back their respect. Work hard and show them how mature and responsible you’ve become. Make sure to take your time and dedicate yourself to developing a trustworthy relationship with your parents. It takes time and effort, but you will reap the benefits if you keep at it.
