Do you belong to the school of thought that setting boundaries in a relationship is pivotal to its stability? Do you set boundaries in your own relationship or you let your partner decide what and what not you need to do?
To what extent should you go in satisfying your partner in a relationship? How much of love, care, support should you really accord your lover (boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée, husband or wife)? As much as they want right?
With no gainsay, setting personal boundaries in a relationship is the key to enjoying all the streaks that come from its romantic moments. Setting boundaries in a relationship helps to keep your partner respectful, supportive and caring – especially when done rightly.
Even so, setting boundaries for yourself is a measure of self-esteem. With some set boundaries, you determine what a relationship would give to you and not what it will make of you. And if you don’t set boundaries, it’s a proof that you don’t have self-esteem.
Then, let’s see this together.
I saw on the TV sometimes ago of a lady that had a forked tongue.
She said, her ex-boyfriend wanted it and he had to run a thread through her tongue, painfully, until her tongue was split in two.
Did you read the part she said, her ex? Obviously, she did the guy’s bidding. She changed a chunk of her life for someone who later ditched her. Lovely, right? And every other guy that sees her doesn’t just have any interest in her. Perfect, you’ll say?
So, let me ask you this: How much are you willing to give to your relationship?
Well, giving too much into a relationship isn’t bad but you have to know when too much is just too much. Selling out yourself to make your lover enjoy every bit of moments with you is romantic, but setting boundaries is sensible.
It’s heartbreaking that so many people go into relationships these days to satisfy themselves alone without considering how the other person might feel. All such wants is to table a plan to get their selfish interest done not minding if the other person would get hurt.
And if they don’t get whatever they want before long, they say their partner isn’t compatible with them.
So, compatibility should be laden with selfishness?
He wants you to have many holes on your earlobes, tattoos all over your body, enlarged organs and all that…. The same thing he couldn’t have done to himself or watch another man do to his own sister? (Men play on ladies intelligence the more as far as relationship is concerned).
Young lady, don’t pay for his ignorance. Don’t be the victim of his fateful positioning.
You can choose to do anything to keep your relationship but if it doesn’t meet a moral standard, don’t do it. And if it will take away your happiness, desist from it.
So the lady wants you to do away with your friends too, especially your female folks… Because she doesn’t want any form of interference in your relationship. To do her bidding, you just had to let all your friends go. Soon enough, the same lady will ask you to do away with your mum.
There’s no use in any relationship that doesn’t allow you have a say or bring in your set boundaries. In fact, if there should be any form of compromise, it shouldn’t be one-sided but be a joint one.
You should do or want things that will work towards building your relationship to last and not what’s tailored to your selfish interest alone.
Here this: Whenever all your requests, wishes and thoughts are fraught with selfishness – the ‘me’ syndrome – know that failure is looming.
Ideally, every relationship
I just wish this piece will be expanded in your heart and open you to things that don’t guarantee a lasting relationship which you do.
I’ll suggest you sit down and ponder on them.
Moreover, many go into a relationship without having a life of their own and so they are opened to perpetual compromise at their own detriment.
Unequivocally speaking, you can’t have a successful relationship if you don’t have a life of your own – if you can’t have a say or decide on what is good or bad.
If you can’t see into your future, you sure will live a slavery live for your lover and you’ll watch how you’ll be ditched before long.
How do You Set a Healthy Boundary in a Relationship?
Let me keep this simple:
If you don’t have a grasp of your future, you can’t set any reasonable boundary. If you don’t know where your future leads, you sure can’t know what boundaries to be set.
For instance, a man who plans to own a maize farm needs a knowledge of scarecrows, pesticides and the likes. He needs a buoyant harvest, hence, the need to fight anything that would go against that. The same is true in relationships.
First, know exactly what you want and you can be opened to things that are potential threats to its success.
Done the above? Then these:
Learn to say “NO” when there’s a need. Never let anyone manipulate you into doing things you’ll regret in the nearest future.
Identify behavioral traits and actions that you find unacceptable to you and seek a way to make them known to your partner.
All things being equal, you should be able to let your partner know the boundaries you would like to set and, mutually, you will see if it’s born out of selfishness or the need to help a successful relationship. The moment they don’t see such as a threat to their own – sensible – happiness, they must be willing to accept it.
Here is the bottom line
Don’t go into a romantic relationship to satisfy all the heady requests of your lover. Know what you want out of a relationship and know when and how to express a disapproval when your partner wants anything that can soil your happiness. Know exactly why you are going into a relationship – selflessly – and watch it while it’s being overridden in favour of your lover’s selfishness.
Your future is near, don’t let anyone ruin it for you. Don’t give all your life to a relationship you are not sure will last. Oh, you know it’ll last? Then, that’s not still enough to change your whole life and live in regret eventually.
Do you set boundaries? Set some today, if you don’t!
Hmmm… So much has been said today, and I pray you will be able to grab the message.
Over to you:
What are the things in relationships that we shouldn’t allow our partners to do to us? What and what are too much to be given to a relationship?
Your opinion is needed. Thanks.
And don’t forget to share this with your loved ones.
See you next week.
Wait… If you missed any of the previous series, read them below.
Series One: Why Your relationship Really Sucks
Series Two: Why You Deserve a Relationship Breakup
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