Olalekan Adebumiti
It often starts with a nagging feeling that something is “too good to be true,” but not in the way you hoped.
On paper, they are the perfect partner: they text back immediately, they agree with everything you say, and they shower you with compliments.
Yet, instead of feeling butterflies or a deep connection, you feel a strange combination of boredom, guilt, and suffocation.
You might find yourself wishing they would just disagree with you, have a life of their own, or show some backbone.
If this resonates, you aren’t ungrateful; you are likely sensing a severe imbalance in the relationship dynamic.
In modern dating slang, this behaviour is often categorised as being a “simp.”
While the term is frequently overused or used as an insult on the internet, in a relationship context, it points to a very real and unsexy phenomenon: a partner who puts you on a pedestal so high that they lose their own dignity in the process.
It is the distinction between a partner who respects you and a partner who worships you.
The former builds a foundation for love; the latter builds a foundation for resentment.
The core issue with dating someone who fits this description is the lack of authenticity.
When someone is desperate to please you at the expense of their own identity, you aren’t actually dating them; you are dating a mirror that reflects whatever they think you want to see.
This kills attraction because healthy attraction requires friction, mystery, and mutual respect between two equals.
It is impossible to respect a partner who does not respect themselves, and it is impossible to feel secure with someone whose kindness feels like a transactional attempt to “earn” your love rather than a genuine expression of character.
Ultimately, dating a “simp” is exhausting because it forces you to carry the emotional weight of the entire relationship.
You become responsible for their happiness, their self-esteem, and all the decision-making.
If you feel like you are the main character in a movie and they are just a fan trying to get an autograph, the dynamic is broken.
Recognising these signs early is crucial to understanding why your attraction is fading and deciding whether the dynamic can be fixed or if it’s time to move on.
The Clear Signs
If the introduction above felt familiar, here are the concrete behaviours that confirm you are dealing with this dynamic.
1. They Never Disagree With You
A healthy relationship involves two individuals with different opinions, tastes, and worldviews.
If your partner agrees with every movie choice, every political stance, and every restaurant suggestion, they are not your soulmate; they are hiding their personality to avoid conflict.
This “yes-man” syndrome is a major red flag.
It signals that they value your approval more than their own integrity.
2. They Are Overly Apologetic
Does your partner say “I’m sorry” when it rains? Do they apologise for things that are completely out of their control or for expressing a basic need? Constant, unwarranted apologising is a sign of low self-worth.
It creates a dynamic where you feel like a tyrant simply for existing, as they walk on eggshells trying to prevent you from becoming upset, even when you aren’t angry.
3. They Have No Boundaries or Personal Life
If they drop everything the second you text—regardless of work, friends, or sleep—it isn’t romantic; it’s a lack of boundaries.
A partner with high value has their own mission, hobbies, and social circle.
If they are willing to cancel plans with their best friend just because you asked if they were free, they are making you the sole centre of their universe.
This places unfair pressure on you to be their only source of entertainment and fulfilment.
4. They Put You on a Pedestal
Compliments are wonderful, but there is a limit.
If they treat you like a flawless deity who can do no wrong, they aren’t seeing the real you.
Being “pedestalized” is dehumanising because it doesn’t allow you to be flawed or have a bad day.
It creates a dynamic where they are “lucky to have you,” implying that they are “beneath you.” This disparity destroys sexual polarity and respect.
5. Transactional Niceness (The “Nice Guy” Syndrome)
You may notice that their kindness feels like it comes with strings attached.
They might perform grand gestures—expensive gifts too early, elaborate favours you didn’t ask for—with an expectant look in their eye.
They are subconsciously trying to “buy” your affection or intimacy.
When you don’t respond with the level of enthusiasm they feel they are owed, they may become passive-aggressive or mopey.
One Advise from Me to You?
A relationship requires two equals.
If your partner acts like a fan, you will eventually treat them like a celebrity—and celebrities rarely date their fans.
If you recognise these traits, you need to set a boundary.
Encourage them to have their own life and opinions.
If they cannot step up and be their own person, the attraction will likely never return.
