Olalekan Adebumiti
It feels like a secret club where you are the only member who does not have a key.
He posts the scenery, the drinks, and the occasional shoulder, but he never posts your name or your face.
You tell yourself he is just a private guy, but you are starting to notice that he is very public about every other part of his life.
You are falling for the mystery of a soft launch because it is easier than admitting you are being hidden.
It is time to stop romanticising your own exclusion and see the truth for what it actually is.
I invite you to look at these signs and recognise if you are being cherished or merely managed.
1. He Keeps Your Identity Hidden From His Grid
He knows that a story disappears in a day but a grid post is a permanent statement.
He keeps his main profile looking like a single man’s playground for anyone who might be scrolling.
You are just a fleeting twenty-four-hour guest in his digital world who leaves no lasting trace.
If your face never makes it to his permanent collection, you are not part of his permanent life.
He is carefully curating a version of himself that does not officially include a partner.
Stop waiting for a square post that he has no intention of ever sharing with his followers.
2. He Refuses To Define The Relationship Clearly
He uses the soft launch as a way to avoid the weight of a real conversation about labels.
Whenever you bring up the future, he tells you that he likes how things are going right now.
He is happy to have your company as long as he does not have to commit to your title.
You are acting like a girlfriend while he is still behaving like a bachelor with a secret.
He loves the intimacy of your private moments but fears the accountability of a public one.
A man who wants a future with you will not find a simple word like “girlfriend” so heavy.
He is keeping the door cracked open so he can leave without having to explain his exit.
Recognise that a lack of a label is a very loud answer to your silent questions.
3. He Maintains A Highly Active Following List
He is busy soft launching you while he is still hard searching for someone else.
Notice if his notifications are constantly lit up with names of women you do not know.
He keeps you in the shadows so his digital presence remains attractive to new prospects.
He wants the safety of your heart while he continues to shop for a different feeling.
A man who is focused on you will not need to keep his options so visible and active.
4. He Excludes You From His Inner Family Circle
He might show you off to his friends, but he keeps you far away from the people who raised him.
A soft launch is easy to pull off with peers, but it is much harder to do with a mother.
He is not ready to answer the questions that come with bringing a serious partner home.
If you have been around for months and have not met a sibling, you are being sidelined.
He is protecting his family life from a relationship he does not expect to last.
You are a temporary fixture in his schedule rather than a new branch on his family tree.
Honour yourself enough to realise that you deserve a seat at his family dinner table.
5. He Becomes Anxious When You Post His Face
He is perfectly fine with you posting a blurry photo of his watch or his coffee cup.
However, the moment you post a clear photo of his face, he asks you to take it down.
He claims it is because he is not a fan of photos or he wants to keep things private.
The real reason is that he cannot afford for his “single” narrative to be ruined by your post.
He is managing his image to ensure he does not look taken to the people he is watching.
Your desire to show him off feels like a threat to his freedom rather than a compliment.
He wants to be a ghost in your digital world so he can stay a player in his own.
This anxiety is not about privacy; it is about protecting his ability to disappear.
Never let a man make you feel guilty for being proud of the person you are dating.
6. He Avoids Any Talk Of A Concrete Timeline
He is happy to live in the “now” because the “later” does not include you in his mind.
Every time you ask when things will become official, he changes the subject or gets defensive.
He is using the soft launch as a permanent state of being rather than a transition.
A man who plans to stay will have no problem telling you exactly where this is going.
If he cannot give you a map, it is because he is not planning on making the trip.
7. He Treats You Like An Aesthetic Placeholder
He loves the way you look in his photos because you make his life look more interesting.
You are a prop that adds a touch of mystery and “cool” to his social media aesthetic.
But he does not care about your dreams, your fears, or the parts of you that are not pretty.
He is in love with the idea of a mystery woman, but he is not in love with you.
If you stopped fitting his “vibe,” he would replace you with a new silhouette by next week.
A placeholder is only useful until the person they are waiting for actually arrives.
Do not be the beautiful scenery for a man who is just passing through on his way to someone else.
You are a whole human being who deserves to be the main event, not the background.
The Freedom Of Being Known
You were not created to be a hidden gem in a man’s pocket.
A soft launch that stretches on forever is not a sign of a “private” romance; it is a sign of a man who is keeping his heart and his options wide open.
You deserve to be the woman who is introduced by name, the one who is tagged in the grid post, and the one whose face is celebrated in the sun.
Your parting gift is this: The right man will be so terrified of losing you that he will want the whole world to know you are his.
Stop accepting the “blurry” version of love and start looking for the clarity you deserve.
If he will not claim you in public, he does not deserve to have you in private.
