Do you really want to always get the best of a reply when you ask your lover some questions like, ‘How are you doing,’ ‘How was your day?’
Even more than that, do you (really) want to have the romantic conversations that you wouldn’t want to end?
If you’ll answer in the affirmative then you are permitted to read on; if not, just close this page and get something else to do.
Ideally, to have a blissful relationship is no rocket science as long as the people involved would build a mutual commitment to see it happen. And whether you want to be having the conversations that are awe-inspiring or you want the course of your relationship to run smoothly, I’m glad to let you know that the desire is just a decision away.
If you want the best in your relationship, desire it and commit to see it happen!
As you already know, every sane person wants to be in a relationship that will end in a marriage. Everyone wants to have such they would be proud of. Even though doing your best might not be enough in a relationship, so many people set out to doing their best; they give their body, soul and spirit, invested time and money with commitments that can’t be verbalized and in the end, they join the league of the brokenhearted. The worst has happened, the best they knew had just been rubbished. With heightened pains and agony, they looked back and can’t really find how they did it wrongly yet they wish they could turn back the hands of time.
Some courageous ones would have to start anew again and so they did. Momentarily, the same menace began to surface again; this time, they are not willing to give up and then comes the question, “How do I do it right this time?”
My good friend, if this is one of your many-a-relationship or you are just starting off, there’s no need to chicken out no matter what you can see ahead of you. Together, we will make the best of you and you will be glad you are part of us here.
Assignment number one: I command you to smile! You know why? It’s going to be well with your relationship and you’ll share your testimonies too.
You see, when I look at how people profess and express love in a relationship these days, I wouldn’t help but sigh and look at a menace that’s going into the future to strike down and finish many homes with a one-two punch.
No matter what experience you’ve had regarding a romantic relationship, you’ll continue to learn and learn because nothing else can suffice knowledge!
Many people wonder how I know so much about love and relationships when I never studied any course that’s related to romance. I studied physics with electronics as a course in the University.
So, how did I get here?
I’ll tell you a short story.
I was born into a polygamous setting. My late dad had five wives, with about 20 children. You know what that means? It was a chaotic atmosphere on a daily basis. And I saw the worst happened on many occasions; my mum, who was the first wife, would be beaten and cursed by half brothers and sisters with their mum and I dared not fight back. I’ve seen, at least, a scene wherein her cloth was torn, yea. Funny enough, I did nothing aside just taking her off the scene. I expect you to say I don’t love my mum, but I remember it is… Life first. The prime decision – the most sensible decision – was to save her and that’s what I would always do.
Back my story…
To say it as it is, it was a kind of a house of huge commotion. Everybody would fight everyone; sometimes, the children of one wife versus another. My late dad would then summon all of them to settle the fight and no one dared mention my name since they knew I rarely would partake. Oh, now I remember one incidence; I took part in a fight like that and still they didn’t even remember to count me among the culprits because it wasn’t a norm for me. Haha.
You know why I wouldn’t fight back most of the times?
What if I joined in the fight and then there’s eventually a casualty? No regrets or a remorseful feeling would help get back the loss of life.
So I say, let peace always reign and you’ll be glad you did.
And if I always fought back, I’ll begin to sow in more than enough seeds of hatred inside of me and they’ll bud, grow, bear enough fruits that will help mastermind me into becoming an irredeemable brat.
As I would grow older, the tempo of hatred will increase in me. I’ll grow with it without seeing it as something decadent.
Society will teach me how to be worse at a life that is already an embodiment of disaster that’s going somewhere to happen… The end result is a defeated man who can’t be fixed by a romantic relationship. And that’s all… like kaput – it’s finished! Forever!
These days, we have people who are never happy, never stable in relationships and a trace will tell that they’ve been the victims of societal misfortune. They’ve allowed environmental hatred, low self-esteem, nonchalance, riotous living to rub on them. And wherever these people go, they display nothing but a corrupted ad defeated lifestyle; no matter how lovely they are in a relationship, their real person will begin to play out and it’ll be so bad that they can’t be controlled again.
Such people would only live life out of their whims and are always right in their own eyes. They are the set of people who say, “I need someone who would have to take me as I am”.
Let me ask you: if you are an eagle, you fly high, and see the views of the best of places, would you want to settle for one chicken who would only want to stay in cages and can’t fly over the roof?
She’s living a pitiable life, doesn’t know how to cook, lacks the smallest of manners and want you to take her as she is? You’ll be a defeatist if you let that happen to you!
He drinks like he owns a brewery, tells lies that can raise the dead, so arrogant beyond what words can say and expects you to take him as he is? Awh! That kind of a relationship is a timed bomb planning to self-destruct!
Hmmm… And you are one of those who buy the ideology that, ‘Someone who never lied to their partner doesn’t have respect for their heart?‘
Today, you are meeting someone who wouldn’t do it for any reason at all. Yea!
I wouldn’t be inside the room and tell my lady or anyone else that I’m on a bike. In fact, if anything happens that’ll make me cheat on her, I’ll come straight to let her know and ask for forgiveness.
Openness and integrity matter in a relationship. With openness, there’s no limit to the streaks that your romantic relationship can get per time; but the moment you begin to cover up your mistakes, errors, and lies, you will begin to grow rotten inwardly and never will you have a mind that’s simple enough to run a successful relationship. You’ll be caged in the prison of your inhibitions and your life will see the worst, the moment they find out about your lies. And you know what? They will surely find out someday and no amount of plea will make them trust you anymore.
Know this… Relationship or not, everything you do will either make or mar your person. It’s your life, after all!
If you run your relationship with a better version of you in mind, you would undoubtedly get better at anything in life… And you know that the reverse holds true!
Get this: don’t run a relationship as if you’re on a mission to please someone. Run a relationship to make better your life. Be in a relationship to get the best out of love, starting with your own self.
You hear people say, ‘I dropped many things to satisfy and please him/her. I gave up all of me to make sure their life went on smoothly. I dropped friends and despised family members to make sure my allegiance and commitment to my lover were intact. Now they’ve left me for another lover. See how my life is dangling on the shifting sands of destruction!’ And once the relationship ends, they pick up the old lifestyle again and their latter is worse than their former since they’ve lost those who were once dear to them.”
Hey, don’t let the society or any relationship make up a defeated version of this wonderful you. Take up the courage to be a better person at once and someday…. Your children can be proud of a parent they have.
Wait, why did you sigh! It’s not over, okay? I started my own journey some few years back and you can start now and be on the path of bliss soon. It’s a matter of choice.
Hear me well, our parents have failed already and we shouldn’t follow their pitiable footsteps. It’s high time we followed the part of true relationship before we end up as the “waste products” of evil parental influences. At least you see what happens in your immediate family. You see how your dad treats your mum, how they never agreed on the least of issues and you begin to wonder why life has decided to punish you with such a family.
My friend, it’s nothing but a dogged decision and you’ll have to take it now if you’ll want to have a successful relationship and not hear your children slander you in the future.
Any questionable habit and character must be dropped. You must take your relationship as all that you have and choose to grow together with your lover. You’ll be surprised how your life has changed for the better soon.
Hint: If you stay long enough on this website, you’ll sure learn all there is to a successful relationship, guaranteed. You can subscribe at the end of this post if you are just joining us.
Lekan! You talk too much, right?
Then let me handover.
Before “my Gold” takes over, let me explain how I intend to make this page work for you.
Once you read to the bottom of the page….
You make sure you post a comment with your name and email address, telling me how this helped you and what you’ll love to do next to grow your relationship. Once I see your comment, I’ll send you the customized version of the piece you are reading now.
The version is to make your lover open up to you like you’ll ever imagine. It comes with an extra letter from me to them. And once you download, you can copy and send to your lover. You will be surprised what will happen next!
Well, if you know that your relationship is going just great and needs no more ecstatic tune to make it better, you just ignore the task of posting a comment and I won’t bother to send you the piece.
That’s all from me. My Gold, over to you.
Thanks “My Wealth,” permission received.
Hi, everyone… You, I’m talking to you. You’re doing fine, right? And you’re enjoying this piece? Good… Let’s continue.
I wish you’ll get to understand this once and for all and be better at your relationship. Surprisingly, what I’m going to share with you is not a fix-it-all dose for any relationship, but it’s better than a few hours workout for anyone who dares to call the shot.
Ready? Let’s go.
I remember listening to a message some time ago in which the speaker gave a description of how a man answers questions very differently from a woman.
He made this illustration:
Wife asks the hubby, ‘Honey… how was your day?’
Hubby responds ‘Fine.’
Then he asks, ‘How was yours too?’
She responds ‘Let’s sit my dear, it’s not what we can say while standing.’
She makes him sit and then starts from how the cab driver gave her a dirty note (money) to how her boss insulted her to how the meat seller said her head was big….and on like that….
That’s one of the mysteries in the male and female makeup.
Yea… Ladies generally are wired to be detailed while men are wired to be brief.
It’s not a rule to be followed anyway. I’ve seen some exceptions where the man talks into details too. When there’s an unusual bond between partners, they both become good communicators.
But do you know that, as much as ladies naturally love to talk about their days, some guys still find it difficult to make them do so?
Strange but true, right?
But it’s common. I’ve heard guys complain “She doesn’t talk, I don’t understand why…” like they (men) are better – deceit of the century!
Haven’t you heard of a doctor whose wife died of malaria?
He would ask, ‘How are you?’ and the wife would reply, ‘Fine on each count.
He wouldn’t even mind pressing any further since she said she’s fine, even though her mood was showing the direct opposite until she told him about her degenerating condition in the middle of the night and it was too late to get her to the hospital. She died!
Please don’t let that happen to you, even if you are not a doctor.
Well, I’ve discovered some factors that might be responsible for the one word, all-time reply and I’m ready to help you get past the limitation.
So…Come with me…
Note: If you eventually find youself guilty of any of the points below, just be matured enough to handle it with love; be willing to apologize and move on.
1. Unfamiliarity with Your Lover’s Nature of Job
There’s a saying that you can’t know everything about something but you should know something about everything, and I add, ‘Especially what your partner does.’ It’s important that you know some simple and common things about what your partner does.
For instance, I’m a movie director and begin to talk to a tailor about what transpired during a movie shoot… I expect such to be lost within a minute as I begin to say terms like “TOP, Cut, Tape rolling, Action, Take 2…”
Hope you didn’t assume I’m a movie director! If you do, you’re on your own.
If he/she is a Photographer, a Writer, a Doctor, a Fashion designer, a Banker, an Engineer, or what have you; it’s just reasonable to learn some terms common to them and know some basic things. Talking to a complete novice about something that happened at my workplace could bring more frustration than I’m trying to express, as I’ll have to explain every bit of the words I say… That would be a lot of stress, or what do you think?
And if your partner happens to be a student, know a little about their course. The two of you should be able to flow well in his or her field.
As a matter of fact, it’s a proof of love to show a keen interest in what your partner does. If you so much love a person, you develop an unmetered interest in whatever concerns the person… It’s simple as saying my name. Yes or yes?
When you are familiar with the nature of your partner’s work… Talking to you in details about how their day went won’t be an issue.
That’s the first inhibition. Remember, the knowledge about their work or business!
Here’s another one.
2. A Shallow Knowledge of Your Partner
This is a factor that doesn’t only affect your communication but also eats deep into every aspect of you relationship. Each person is a book that MUST be read by their partner. When I say a book, I mean you’ve to start reading anew the moment you begin a relationship, regardless of how much of the opposite sex you’ve learnt, known, seen or heard.
Many people fail by thinking they know it all and then they want to use their foreknowledge about the opposite sex on their partner; the knowledge that doesn’t hold water!
My guy knows how to make me talk even when I just don’t want to. He knows what to talk about that has the ability to unseal my lips… (Oh, he’s reading this). But what works for us might not work for you. And that’s why studying your partner is important.
Even though talking in details is natural with ladies, due to one reason or another, some will only say ‘Fine’ when asked about their days. But try to be more specific and you’ll never regret it.
Try ask how they managed to escape the traffic… And they’ll remember the incidence of how a bike almost ran into them.
Ask them about that stubborn boss they always talk about… They will give you a full download of the stunts she threw at work that day.
Ask how the present situation of things in the country is affecting them and they want to talk.
But, you know one defeat about this? I’ll tell you.
Ideally, everyone wants to talk about the least of their worries to their lover as long as they know there’s going to be an input that helps it all.
If the first time she told you about a headache, you couldn’t say anything but sorry… Expect her to tell someone else when she is having a fever.
The rule is, you must know a lot of things about the human nature. For instance, most ladies go through a lot of pains during their menstrual period and if you don’t know this as a man, you’ll want to get angry once she starts to sound moody during those days.
What’s wrong with downloading a period calendar and know about her menstrual cycle? Not asking you to do that anyways.
You just must be committed to them and you won’t regret it.
Show yourself worthy of talks and she wants to talk to you about the least of what she does.
Lady, the same applies to you.
So, you see that knowing your partner goes a long way in running an enviable relationship.
Got the second part? What a bright sharp you are. Here’s a pack of candy for ya. It is sweet, right?
Now let’s go to yet another inhibition.
3. Inability to Read Your Lover’s Mood
I can bet a 100 that some people suck at this. Relationship or not, it’s imperative as a human being to be able to read moods.
Really, some people don’t know there’s a time for everything. A time to talk and a time for a perfect decorum. (A time to stop imagining a metaphoric candy I gave you up there).
Even though Mood swing is a psychological problem that shouldn’t be promoted, everyone has a time they want to keep it in.
Respecting such times is a sign of love.
Trying to switch your partner into your own mood sometimes may mean selfishness.
I am not talking about the kind of mood that results from a misunderstanding or hurt as the case may be, from the other partner. No! Of course, you can sweet talk your lover out of that.
I refer here to that silence that comes from exhaustion….from pressure and the likes.
See this: you went to pick her at work, from her countenance, you can read tiredness and then you expect a full gist of how the day went…? Nay. That may have to wait till evening.
Don’t get it twisted…
Ask your partner still, no matter how tired they may appear. It only shows you care. Then the tone of their response will tell you whether to press further or give way for a romantically silent atmosphere. *winks*.
Feeling like a pro now? There’s yet another related inhibition. Let’s see it…
4. Environmental Factors not Considered
This isn’t as common a factor as others but it does affect the response you get from your partner.
We are a product of our environment, so whether we like it or not, it has a way of dictating our attitudes and actions per time.
Look into the environment before demanding a story of how your partner’s day went.
Look at this…
You called and found out your partner is on a bike or caught up in the middle of a suffocating traffic. Do you need anyone to tell you it’s the odd time to start to ask how they are faring or how their day went! Good enough, I trust you don’t.
Now imagine that you let them be and later you called to find out they are home, settled and relaxing.
That kind of environment is favourable for the kind of long talk you desire.
Asking how they are, will sure birth more than you bargained for.
Even the man who’s naturally brief would be too relaxed and comfortable to stop at that.
Listen to the least of their statements and you’ll begin to see an upward turn in your relationship.
Here’s a littlle addition: Whenever you visit your lover, be so observant and sensitive that you know the situation of almost everything in their surrounding, their apartment and even their place of work or school. Keep a part of it until the next time you talk or chat. When next you talk or chat, ask them about it and you would be surprised how that will spring up some minutes of conversation.
That’s all for now.
So, you’ve learnt much right? Mwah.
Then, don’t forget to practise what you’ve read and get ready to post a comment that’ll help you get the other version of this post. Remember, it’s only for those who desire a bloom in their relationships. If you are fortunate enough to be one, post the comment and let’s hear your view of what you just read.
Do it. See ya!
It’s time to post a comment if you’ll want the other version. If you are a subscriber, make sure you use the email address you signed up with; and if you are not one, kindly use your best email address. Thanks.
Isn’t the post awesome?