It’s going to be one of those magnanimous miracles the day you have a full understanding that your lover understands and appreciates the least of the care you show. I can bet a 100 on that!
But, it’s the worst headache in a relationship for someone to always give all they have to see that the relationship shoots up to the seventh heaven, and there is a partner who wouldn’t show a bit of gratitude or hitherto rebuff the caring attitude one has shown.
The feelings from such experience are killing. In fact, it is a deterrent to romance in a relationship.
Have you once felt that way?
Then, let’s see how we can help it together.
So, your lover is not showing gratitude, though you are doing your best to see that the relationship keeps going and growing?
I know it hurts when you do your best and there’s no way it’s ever been appreciated.
Again, it’s such a sickening experience. Right? But, have you asked yourself what it means to be doing your best?
See this funny example:
Did you know that trying to compete with Usain Bolt in a race will make you do your best, and yet you most definitely won’t win?
For you to know, doing your best in a relationship is one thing, doing “your relationship’s best” is another.
Yes! You need to do your best in line with your relationship.
A man inside a flame of fire needs water to help him from being dehydrated, but you and I know that getting him out of the fire first, is the best you can give.
Yes or Yes?
The same is true in any relationship.
The success in a relationship attains its best level when all you do is tied to a mutual goal. Successful relationships are born out of a joint compromise.
I know you want to show that you care by buying some stuff for your lover; but, what if it isn’t what they will appreciate?
That’s where understanding comes in!
You must come to the point where you understand that it’s no more you, you and you alone. You’ve got to open yourself to that knowledge, and do it now, as long as you desire a lasting relationship.
So, you want to do what your lover will appreciate? Then follow the following steps.
Step 1: IS IT REALLY WORTH IT?
Not all relationships are worth your moral and material investments in them. Some are only worth a handshake and a waving of the hand to wish goodbye.
It’s tragic to find oneself in such a relationship. Worst still, many people don’t know they are in one!
So, know that you are not in an abusive relationship.
No matter how much of yourself you put in to watch an abusive relationship grow, it’ll only give your heart a sore that’s too deep to suture.
Abusive relationships is easy to spot, right? Yea!
You can’t be so sure you’ll save a relationship that’s bent on absolutely being abusive.
Stop trying to win Satan over – he knows he’s bound for hell! – Olalekan Adebumiti.
Ideally, a relationship mustn’t be a cat and dog kind of relationship before you know it’s abusive. Abusive relationships come in different lights.
When all they do is to please themselves, you are in a mess.
When they can’t help improve your life but only want to settle for the pleasurable, you are in a deeper mess.
If your partner has your interest at heart, and all they do is geared towards a futuristic bliss, you are safe.
Now, move to the next step. And if not? Then, you’ve to get help.
Step 2: TALK IT OUT
No matter how many books you’ve read about relationships, the best of them can’t give you all you need to grow this present one!
Like we have unique thumbprints, no two relationships are the same. And so, there’s no singular approach to making a relationship work.
That’s the fact of the century, I suppose.
At the start of every relationship, it’s wise to unlearn all we’ve ever read and known about relationships and pick it up again from the lowest rung.
For those who have had previous relationships, it’s almost a defeat to want to bring all they did in their past relationships into the present one.
The failure that comes out of such is heightened!
Basically, you need to talk things out with your lover. You need to tell him or her how you feel! You need to ask questions.
It’s your duty to make your lover know how you want to be loved.
You’ve to do that, and, in turn, find out how they want to be loved also.
Stop showing love based on what you have learnt about romantic relationships. Do things that your lover will appreciate. Simple, right?
Now, move to the next step.
Step 3: DO IT RIGHT
Did you know that timing is everything? It’s still valid.
Without a doubt, many people in relationships have good intentions in themselves to give the best to their partners. It’s heartbreaking when their romantic voyage ends in a dead end! It’s a defeat when they give their best to only get the worst of expression from their lover.
If you have once been in this stinking shoe, you know how it rightly pinches. The pain is enormous! It’s not funny.
Okay, she knows I love tea and then in the hot afternoon…. she comes in with a jug full of one of the best tea in the world – prepared hot!
Well, it takes the other side of me to not shout, “Hey, this is afternoon. Not morning”.
There is someone who’s got a good intention being defeated.
Believe me, she would want to disappear from the scene.
No matter how we want to address that, one thing is sure: she’s got the timing wrong!
It’s wise to know the right time, place, avenue to show that we care.
Not doing it right could mar our relationships.
I can perceive someone now happy that they’ve got all it takes to defeat their partner’s intentions.
The next time they do anything wrong, they want to shout, “Hey, that’s not right!”
Is that you?
Better don’t be!
You need to be such a partner who understands your lover and wants to cover their frailties.
Someone who brought a hot tea in the hot afternoon wants one thing – they want you warm!
That’s good intention defeated by bad action, right?
My friend, you’ve to come to the point at which you judge their intentions and not their actions.
If you were in their shoes, you’ll feel the same way too.
Next time, take part of the tea and mix it with ice cubes. Look at them and smile as you say… This is afternoon.
They will understand and you’ve saved their day.
Thanks for your time.
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