Let’s talk about some 21st Century Relationship Errors and Mistakes you must avoid to help you keep a testimony of successful relationship.

Don’t you wish there are easier ways to drive your relationship to fulfilment? From saying yes to a proposal and through the rhythmical fun of going on dates; then the moment comes when you walk down the aisle and your hand receives that diamond ring you desire? I wish that too but, like you and I already know, nothing comes easy.

To me, there is something mystical about love and relationship that relationship coaches and counsellors out there can’t teach you, not even can the best books on relationship; the more you go and grow in love, the more is reality dawned on you. Yes or no?

If we are on the same page, you will agree with me that no one will have a successful relationship and marriage without having a first-hand knowledge of love by themselves. It takes two to tango really, and takes each to learn the virtues of love. And if you don’t learn enough, you can’t just love enough!

It is no more news that many people go into relationships probably because they don’t want to be left out or that the opportunity might not come again. It’s one of those where one would think that once they miss a particular person, a better one can’t come. This is not far from why may people get married only to see that they have been duped emotionally. “You will read more of this on point number 7.”

With the above, my school of thought tells me that many 21st century relationships are enmeshed in timeless falsehood they have gathered from the society they live in. There are heartbreaks everywhere and we just can’t understand. Of course, many have given in their bests into relationships they thought would be the hallmark of blissfulness which eventually led to heartbreak in its prime! When I see this menace, I sigh.

But, as much as you and I would feel sad for these occurrences, we must avail ourselves the opportunity of meeting with the naked truth about relationship. You and I must go back to the drawing board to find the right tune to fill our hearts with when it comes to falling in love.

In few minutes, relax as we go through few mistakes people make in the name of love; and the outcome is the heartbreak thousands are nursing now.

1. Starting it wrongly

How do you feel when Usain Bolt who is widely regarded as the fastest person ever, whose fan you are, starts a race wrongly? What do you expect of such race? This is it: he might win but won’t get the prize.

That he is the highest paid athlete ever in track and field, coupled with the fact that he has been called the world’s most marketable athlete won’t get him a medal for starting wrongly!

The same is true for anyone who starts a relationship wrongly.

You don’t start a relationship because he or she meets your sensual needs. You don’t start one because all your friends are into one relationship or another. I believe a relationship is to be started upon maturity physically, mentally and emotionally. Do you also believe that? Good! But there is more! That he or she is matured physically, mentally, emotionally and even financially doesn’t mean such is fit for you.

You are to sit down and Plan your life first to know if such fits it; your career is on major thing you must consider when you want to go into a relationship with anyone. The one who can’t be passionate about your career is not worth an hour of relationship with you.

Shrug off this truth and you might not have a fulfilled marriage. I can reiterate that a million times.

The first leads to the second point.

2. Doing Trial and Error Love.

I can’t forget my chat with a matchmaker few days back. She started the chat by introducing me to her service wanting to know whether I would need her help to get a mate. We got talking for a couple of minutes and then she said matchmaking is a trial and error service.

You can read the chat here, but make sure you come back to this post. Smiles.

I see young folks these days who go into relationships just to see if it works or not. If it does, they crown themselves a king and if not, they sing that broken relationship is far better than a broken marriage.

We see broken relationship as something that we can afford that we forget so soon that it’s the reason why some vowed too never love again; the reason behind many suicides even and the reason why many find it hard giving in their bests into their present relationships so they won’t lose much if they eventually break up like the previous.

No wonder more than 70 percent of 21st century marriages fail!

This leads to point three.

3. Pushing It Hardly

Until the world ends, slow and steady will ever win the race. That someone has agreed to go into relationship with you doesn’t mean you must see such as a speed jet with which you can get to your land of fulfilment. Taking a step at a time is very okay.

I know you want to know all about her to see whether she is a take home for mama or the wife material she’s made of is not up to a yard. I know how you wish you could expose his heart to know whether he loves you genuinely or not so you run if the worse is the outcome.

Ideally, if there is a way we could tell is someone would last in love with us, heartbreak won’t have a say in this generation. The absence of this makes many people want to know all about their lovers on time for them to come to a conclusion of whether they are worth going into a relationship with or not.

Is that how you feel too? Good. But as you know that there is no such mechanism, I plead that you take it slow like the lyrics of this video says

This leads to point four.

4. Asking for too much/expecting too much

Wait! Don’t be too quick to judge me on this. In fact, you are free to ask for the best of the best out there from your lover. You are even free to set a time of delivery too. But I surely know that there is time of drought. I guess you don’t even know what you tend to lose when you have all to yourself within the shortest period of time.

Let’s play this game:

You are my dad (or my mum), I am your only son and I am asking for 30% of your wealth at age 18 because I feel I am now mature enough to handle it. I know you are too generous to give me but I bet you wouldn’t. Why? There won’t be any need to come to you tomorrow since I have more than enough.

Let’s come back home.

Just a two weeks relationship and you are asking for…. (Fill in that gap). Hmmm… You are brilliant!

So when you are given, and even over and over again… how do you value it when the time even comes for you to enjoy it? I am talking about when you are married!

Now you know a bit of asking for too much?

This leads to point five.

5. Giving in little

So you are giving in too little because you are told when you give a step, your lover takes a mile?

Is that you?

This saying confuses me on daily basis. I hear the same thing from male and female folks. Some would say, “If you give a lady a step…” and others would be like… “If you give a guy a step…” now who is right? Or we should just agree that we must build some customized mental limitations against our lover?

Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t mean to make point 5 contradict 4.

When I say you shouldn’t give in little I mean you shouldn’t give little support to your partner; romantic support not inclusive.

Please give as much as you can give to your relationship, knowing that God will reward every act of selfless service you show to your fellow human.

But what if they don’t give back?

If your lover has enough and they are hoarding it, please take a halt and think twice; if not, continue giving.

This leads to point six.

6. Digging Deeper than you can access

It is normal to try him/her in some ways. But playing games to get by this could cost you your relationship.

A lady once told me about her relationship. She said she broke up with her fiancé to test his allegiance to the relationship. Even though the young man later settled with her, she did bite more than she could actually chew.

It’s not funny the day my late fiancée the same prank on me. I was not moved a second. Hey! Don’t think I didn’t love her; I really did. But I knew and still know when some moves are pranks.

She just sent me a text and even called that she was sorry that the relationship had to end. When I asked why and she didn’t give cogent reasons, I just pretended as if I didn’t hear her. She called later in the day to tell me her plans.

See, trying out a man (or woman) in an unreasonable way to see whether he loves you is but an outdated prank. If you are sensitive enough you will know whether someone loves you or not.

7. Being Blinded by Lust

 Truth be told, many relationships are built on the pillars of lust and not love. A lady would always tell me how her boyfriend used to treat her. She complained every now and then until it got to a time when I asked her to let go of the guy. I received the shock of my life when she said, “Are you sure I will find the one who would love me?”

With all she had told me about the relationship I didn’t see anyone as blind to lust as this lady! Someone who would only want you to be around him for sexual pleasure, so much more but nothing less! A pitiable situation, you will say.

Some relationships are to be broken no matter how glamorous they appear, while some are to stay no matter how tough the going gets in there.

The yardstick is what each of the relationships promises:

A relationship that has no investment into your future but only has more than enough investment into romance and the likes isn’t worth your time. It’s called nothing but Lust is Blind”.

Thank you so much for your time, and I hope you have learnt one or two things to help your relationship.

If you need further help, kindly contact me on Facebook by clicking this, Olalekan Adebumiti.

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