How many times do you think you have been deceived about the ways compatibility in relationship is taught? Many times, I am sure!
You start a relationship, test to know if you two are compatible and you move on to getting engaged. If not, back off, because a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
It’s more than heart rendering when I hear people say, “We are just ‘boyfriend and girlfriend.’ We just want to know if it will work or not. No matter what they call it, I see it as trial and error relationship.
A lady was sorry to say the same statement yesterday after the church service. I told her about Lies People tell about Compatibility in relationship. It’s the post that complements this very one; a must-read post for anyone desiring a blissful relationship. I suggest you read it the moment you finish reading this.
Hannah has a story to tell about the lies that surround Compatibility in relationship.
Hannah was a virgin until her 21st birthday. The fact that she was once believed to be the most beautiful lady among her classmates eventually ended a misery. She became piece of rag to herself from within after the night she had in her boyfriend’s house.
Undoubtedly, she had her moments of bliss with her lover, but the 2 years of heartbreak seemed a million years of untold loss to her.
Without doubt, Hannah is one of millions of ladies who would wish they have the magic wand to turn back the hands of time. The thought of giving her body to the one who broke her heart afterwards wouldn’t stop to irk her. Troubled, dejected, perplexed, downtrodden, lost, frustrated…? She was all you could think of for someone who had been heartbroken. And even more.
She seemed to have forgotten this until she went for a programme few weeks back.
It was a powerful speaking engagement but the only part that troubled her much was the one where the speaker said, “I didn’t allow my husband to touch me until our wedding night. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how much of sweet accolades, precious gifts and glamorous talk he gave, with some moments of threats, I just wouldn’t give him the chance to defile me. Great men do wait!”
The more she remembered the statement, the more of anger she exudes. And now she was so devastated until after we talked few days back. She used to be a lady full of sorrows until the few hours conversation we had on that day. Please let me say a movie, and not a conversation.
She started by saying, “Lekan, I am a shame to womanhood and a shame to the entire world. I must be out of my senses to have allowed myself being rode on like an automated roller coaster. I must be stupid and foolish enough to have been blinded by lust that I thought was love.”
“It’s okay, Hannah… It’s okay…” was all I could mutter. It’s true that I never was heartbroken but her actions could make me feel a bit of her pain. The more I tried to calm her, the more I felt her pains through her vengeful actions.
She bought out her blackberry phone and showed me the picture of Dayo with his newly wedded wife.
Her size and her look were both intimidating as she said, “Lekan, look at him… Look at Dayo that I left many guys for… Look at the one I lost one of my eyes for!!! Look at him now enjoying a seemingly perfect matrimony.
As she was busy fuming, I was just praying she wouldn’t bounce on me. If she did, I knew a trailer would not be able to get me out of her hands. So many things were not just right about my stay there. The house was a three storey building and she lives on the third floor. My fore-thought was, if anything happened that would make me want to run, the fasting I was in wouldn’t let me have the power. It wasn’t funny how part of what I feared was what I got.
As timid as I was becoming, I said this within me, “Dear Lord, you know I don’t have the strength of my own… I look up to you to help this lady… Just do the work, and take all the glory as usual… It’s obvious I can’t do this on my own.”
Just as if I knew her next move, I rushed towards her to collect her phone from her but it was too late. I saw the phone coming towards me and it was too fast that I couldn’t stop it. It hit me on my chest and I fell. She told me I woke after 2 minutes of being unconscious.
I was to break my fast a day after and I just didn’t know when I saw myself taking a cup of water and even asking for more. Believe me, I was ready to leave. And whether it would take me to teleport or whatever, I felt I should be at home on my bed, sleeping.
Now she was calm and it’s as if all her burden had been transferred to me through the phone she flung.
My chest was aching seriously that I got a deeper understanding of a heartbreak.
“So, would you tell me why you want to kill yourself because you are heartbroken, Hannah?” I asked in a soothing way and I was glad she was ready to talk.
Pointing to her left eye and crying, she said, “He left me because of this, Lekan… Dayo left me because I lost an eye.”
I cut in, “You can’t be serious… Why and how, Hannah?”
“Lekan, after Dayo, you are the second person I am telling this. My parents did not even know about it. I only told them I had an accident, which was a bit true.”
I gave in totally for Dayo’s caring attitude when I had typhoid malaria. The three-day care he gave was all I needed to go into a relationship with him.
She was so caring that I thought God sent an angel to me from above. His everyday smile was alluring and I couldn’t just do without him in few days. We were seen by all and sundry as the perfect one for each other. And sheepishly, I was waiting for a day he would lead me down the aisle.
And then compatibility race started. He wanted to know if I was her type of woman, and I was happy all along that I had all she wanted in a woman. Sexual compatibility was the last on her list and I was not ready to give that.
He used every medium he knew and I was so rigid. I wouldn’t just give up until the fateful night came. I went to see him in his house that evening and I couldn’t just go back home because I was told there was armed robbery attack at a filling station close to his house.
Lekan, I got to know it was all a plan to make me sleep over at his place that night. You won’t believe that I heard some gunshots which I later got to know it was a sound from a media player. The most painful part of it was that of my roommate who called me to sleep wherever I was because of the armed robbery.
It all turned out to be a decoy, Lekan.
Now, her hand was coming towards me, and I just had to just pray that it wouldn’t be the second episode of my unconsciousness.
She pointed her finger so firmly at as she said…
“You guys are wicked! What a devilish personality all of you are!”
I had to concur by nodding in the affirmative, even if I had a differing opinion. Or what would you have expected?
She could see a true representation of timidity written all over me as she sillily said, “not you please… Lekan. You are not like them. You are special”
I came alive immediately! She seemed happy and I was happy too – at least a special man should. So she continued.
“After our dinner that night – in fact the first time we would be eating together after three months in the relationship – he commended on how my table manner was exceptional. And he would want to know how my bed manner also would be. That statement triggered a part of me that I was just too sheepish to say anything to negate it. Within few seconds, thousands of thoughts flashed through my mind and I couldn’t help but go with the heartwarming ones like these:
“He is not bad… Cute, handsome, romantic and altogether lovely… The type of man every lady would desire… He is tall, even though you are taller than he is… He’s got a fat bank account… His parents are well to do… He is living large… And a friend to the ‘happening guys’ on campus…”
“How I got on the bed with him, and how it all happened was as would an advert of a thriller.
“I woke up early in the morning just to rush back home. I felt so dizzy but I just had to go. I had my bath for I was really messed up. While I was dressing up, and really disappointed about what happened, he was happy he met me a virgin. I didn’t say a word. I just angrily got out of the room and took a bike home.”
“But… But… Oh! Lekan…”
“I fell off the bike, Lekan. I didn’t just know how it happened. And the next environment I met myself was in a hospital. Opening my eyes, I saw him beside me. I knew it was because of the sex I had with him but I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”
“My left eye was bandaged which I thought it would be for a day or two, but the pain from it was that much. Eventually, I got to know that a heavy stick stuck inside my eyeball… And that was how I became ‘Hannah the one-eyed lady!’”
I couldn’t help but sighed deeply. And she continued.
“Lekan, did you know I got the shock of my life exactly one month after I lost my eye? Dayo called me on phone and ended the relationship.”
“The worst part of it was that, the heartbreak, the pain from the lost eye, coupled with the difficulty to adjust to reading with an eye made me have 2 carry overs. I just thank God I was able to clear it in my final year, though miraculously.”
Lekan, Dayo couldn’t marry a one-eyed Hannah! He left me for another woman, Lekan!
I touched my face, and I could see I was crying. I had thousands of words to say but all I could do was gibber. I was lost for words.
“Lekan, who wants to marry a beautiful but one-eyed lady? Who would marry the poor me?”
As if all she did was not enough, she moved closer to me, kneeling down she said…
“Lekan, would you help me tell all ladies to see the way I am now seeing? Even with my left eye gone, my inner eyes tell me many ladies are already plunging into a dangerous adventure all in the name of love.
I just wish they could see like I am seeing. I just wish they would be bold enough to force themselves out of the embrace of illusion that they see as heartwarming reality?”
I held her up, sat her down and we began to talk. In the end she had her self-esteem back. She was happy it ended that way but for the eye that she couldn’t get back; maybe her virginity too.
Let me end the story that way…
Now let’s talk about you…
My dear sister. I heard that you are beautiful, elegant, romantic, have all a man wants in a lady. Am I right?
But did you know that 99 percent of those who hover around you are doing so because of your physical endowments? Did you know the one who seems the best man for you can actually run away from you the moment you are somewhat lost in value?
If you lose a part of you… If you cease to be the caring you because of one ailment or another… If the breast that turns his head now is finally sagged…. Will he still love you like he proves to now?
And to you uncle brother…
Will she be willing to stay when you no longer have the swag… the bulging pocket… the romantic whatever?
Why not think twice my friend? Why not wake up from your slumber and dwell in the reality that the world presents.
Why are you giving your body to a guy all in the name of love, and that you don’t want to lose him?
See, if you like, give him yourself to swallow, if he will not marry you he still won’t.
Wait! Have you experienced something closer to what Hannah experienced? Have you been jilted by the one who promised to give you heaven and earth, stay with you come rain come shine?
No matter what you have experienced, it’s not worth giving up on yourself.
I know it’s so traumatic than anyone could tell, but it’s not just right to keep yourself in that realm forever. It’s not worth what you will end your life for. If the heartbreaker can move on, you can too. You should. Get up, gather the ruins they left you with and make a better you.
I want to hear a testimony of your wellbeing. It is well with you.
In case you have questions or need help, contact me on WhatsApp, +2348032503305 or 08032503305 if you are in Nigeria.
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