Olalekan Adebumiti
Imagine this. You see someone do something you cannot ignore.
Clear. Real. You know what you saw.
But when you bring it up, they look at you… and deny it completely.
Not nervously. Not unsure.
Calm. Certain. Almost convincing.
And now you are standing there with two things in your hands.
What you know.
And what they are insisting.
That moment right there is where most people lose their footing.
Not because they are weak, but because the pressure to doubt yourself comes fast.
Gaslighting often happens like this. In real time. In conversations that leave you slightly shaken if you are not prepared.
So what do you do in that moment?
Not later. Not after overthinking.
Right there.
Let’s walk through it.
1. Pause Before You React
Your first instinct might be to defend yourself immediately.
To prove your point. To correct them. To explain what actually happened.
But pause.
Even just for a few seconds.
Gaslighting feeds on fast reactions. The quicker you react, the easier it is for the conversation to be redirected.
Slowing down gives you something important back.
Control.
2. Ground Yourself in What You Know
Quietly, internally, remind yourself:
“I know what I saw.”
“I know what I felt.”
“I don’t need to abandon that right now.”
You do not have to convince them immediately.
This moment is not about winning an argument.
It is about not losing yourself.
3. Do Not Over-Explain
There is a strong urge to explain everything in detail.
To go step by step, hoping that if you are clear enough, they will understand.
But over-explaining often pulls you deeper into the confusion.
State your point simply.
“I remember it differently.”
“That’s not how I experienced it.”
And leave it there.
Clarity does not need to be long.
4. Notice the Shift in the Conversation
Pay attention to what starts happening next.
Do they change the topic?
Do they question your tone?
Do they bring up something unrelated?
This is where many people get pulled in without realising it.
Stay aware.
If the conversation moves away from the original issue, gently bring it back.
“We can talk about that later. I want to stay on this for now.”
5. Do Not Accept Labels in the Moment
You may hear things like:
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“You always do this.”
In that moment, resist the urge to defend those labels.
You do not need to prove that you are not those things right now.
The more you engage with the label, the further you move from the actual issue.
Let it pass without accepting it.
6. Allow Silence Without Filling It
Silence can feel uncomfortable.
Especially when tension is present.
But silence is not your enemy here.
You do not have to rush to fill every gap with explanations or justifications.
Sometimes, holding your ground quietly is stronger than saying more.
7. Step Away If Needed
Not every conversation needs to be resolved immediately.
If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed, confused, or pulled in too many directions, it is okay to step back.
“I need a moment.”
“Let’s come back to this later.”
Stepping away is not avoidance.
It is protection.
8. Check Back in With Yourself Afterwards
Once the moment passes, come back to yourself.
What did you feel?
What did you notice?
What stayed with you?
This is where you begin to rebuild clarity.
Not based on their version, but your experience.
9. Write It Down While It’s Fresh
This is practical, but powerful.
Capture what happened.
Not to build a case against them, but to stay connected to your own memory.
Because one of the hardest parts of gaslighting is how quickly things can feel blurred afterwards.
Writing helps you hold onto what you know.
When the Moment Feels Unsettling
That feeling you get after… the slight confusion, the tension, the sense that something was not right.
Do not ignore it.
You may not have all the answers yet.
But your awareness in that moment matters.
Because every time you stay grounded in what you know, even quietly, you begin to take something back.
Your clarity.
Since knowing what to do in the moment is one thing and knowing how to handle it over time is where things become more delicate, permit me to intrduce you to this next post about a topic many people struggle with:
