Olalekan Adebumiti
Let’s say you are holding something fragile like a glass.
Clear. Valuable. Easy to lose if you grip too hard or too loosely.
Now imagine the person in front of you keeps nudging your hand, questioning what you are holding, even suggesting it might not be glass at all.
That is what addressing gaslighting feels like.
You are trying to hold onto your reality, while also deciding how to speak about it without everything shattering into a bigger conflict.
Because here is the truth most people realise late:
You cannot force clarity in a space where confusion is being created.
But you can protect your clarity while you speak.
So the goal is not to “win” the conversation.
It is to stay grounded in yourself while you address what is happening.
Let’s walk through how to do that carefully.
1. Start With What You Experienced, Not What They Did
There is a difference.
When you lead with accusations, the conversation often becomes defensive quickly.
“You always twist things.”
“You’re gaslighting me.”
Even if it is true, it can escalate things immediately.
Instead, bring it back to your experience.
“When that happened, I felt confused.”
“That conversation didn’t sit right with me.”
You are not stepping away from the truth.
You are choosing an entry point that keeps the door open.
2. Keep Your Words Simple and Grounded
When something feels unclear, the instinct is to explain more.
To give more detail, more context, more examples.
But long explanations can be redirected easily.
Short, grounded statements are harder to move.
“I remember it differently.”
“That’s not how I experienced it.”
You are not trying to convince.
You are anchoring yourself.
3. Do Not Chase Agreement
This is important.
You may feel like the conversation is only successful if they agree with you.
But in gaslighting dynamics, agreement is often withheld or redirected.
So if your goal is agreement, you may find yourself going in circles.
Instead, focus on expressing your reality clearly.
They may not accept it immediately.
But you are not abandoning it.
4. Watch for When the Conversation Starts Shifting
This is where things often change.
You start with one issue, and suddenly it becomes about something else.
Your tone. Your timing. Your past behaviour.
When you notice this, gently bring it back.
“I hear that, but I want to stay on what we were discussing.”
You do not need to follow every direction the conversation tries to take you.
5. Stay Aware of Your Emotional State
Gaslighting conversations can pull you in emotionally.
You may feel the urge to prove your point, defend yourself, or push harder.
Pause and check in with yourself.
Are you still grounded?
Or are you reacting from frustration, confusion, or pressure?
If you feel yourself slipping, it is okay to slow down.
Or even step back.
6. Do Not Accept Labels You Do Not Agree With
You may be called “too sensitive,” “dramatic,” or “difficult.”
In that moment, you do not need to fight the label.
And you do not need to accept it either.
Let it sit without taking it on.
If you respond, keep it simple.
“I don’t see myself that way.”
Then return to your point.
7. Set Small, Clear Boundaries in the Conversation
Boundaries do not have to be dramatic.
They can be simple and calm.
“I’m open to talking about this, but I don’t want the conversation to be redirected.”
“I want us to stay focused on what actually happened.”
You are shaping the space of the conversation without trying to control the person.
8. Accept That You May Not Get Resolution Immediately
This is one of the hardest parts.
You may leave the conversation without closure.
Without agreement. Without full understanding.
But that does not mean the conversation was a failure.
If you stayed connected to your experience, spoke clearly, and did not lose yourself in the process, that is progress.
9. Protect Your Clarity After the Conversation
What happens after matters just as much as what happens during.
Take a moment to reflect.
What did you notice?
What felt off?
What stayed consistent?
You are reinforcing your connection to your own reality.
Not based on how the conversation ended, but on what you experienced.
When Addressing Feels Delicate
You are not imagining how careful this feels.
Addressing gaslighting is not like addressing a simple disagreement.
It requires awareness, patience, and a steady connection to yourself.
You are holding something fragile.
Your clarity. Your voice. Your sense of what is real.
And the goal is not to protect the conversation at all costs.
It is to protect yourself within it.
Addressing the issue is one step and protecting your space consistently is what helps you stay grounded over time. Read this post “How to Set Boundaries with a Gaslighter Without Losing Yourself“ for instant help.
