Olalekan Adebumiti
If you have ever watched a magician closely, you know something interesting.
You are looking right at them.
Fully aware that what you are seeing is not real. And yet… it still works.
Because the trick is not in what they show you but it’s in what they get you to focus on.
Your attention is guided. Your perception is shaped. Your mind fills in gaps without you realising it.
Gaslighting works in a very similar way.
It is not random behaviour.
It is a pattern of psychological misdirection.
You are not “just confused.” You are being led to confusion.
And once you start seeing the tactics, the illusion begins to lose its power.
Let’s walk through them.
1. Misdirection: Shifting the Focus Away From the Real Issue
You bring up something clear.
Something specific.
But instead of staying there, the conversation moves.
Suddenly, you are talking about your tone. Your past. Something unrelated.
And before you realise it, the original issue is no longer being addressed.
This is not accidental.
Just like a magician draws your attention to one hand while the other does the work, this tactic redirects your focus so the real issue disappears quietly.
You leave the conversation without resolution, but with a lot to think about.
2. Denial With Confidence
A magician never looks unsure.
Even when the trick is complex, they present it with certainty.
Gaslighting uses that same confidence.
“That never happened.”
“I didn’t say that.”
Not said hesitantly. Said as fact.
That confidence creates pressure.
Because when someone speaks with certainty, it makes you question your own.
Even when you were sure just moments before.
3. Rewriting the Narrative
This is where the story changes.
Not completely, just enough.
Details are adjusted. Context is altered. Meaning is shifted.
And because the change is subtle, it is hard to challenge directly.
You start to feel like maybe you missed something.
Like maybe their version makes more sense.
But what is happening is not clarity.
It is a controlled version of events being presented to you.
4. Emotional Manipulation as Distraction
Sometimes the tactic is not logical at all.
It is emotional.
They may become upset. Withdraw. Get frustrated.
Now your focus shifts.
Instead of addressing what you brought up, you are now responding to how they feel.
You try to calm things down. You adjust your approach. You soften your stance.
And just like that, the original issue is lost again.
5. Using Truth to Support a Lie
This is one of the most effective tactics.
Because it does not feel like deception.
They may agree with a small part of what you are saying.
“Yes, that happened.”
“But you’re taking it the wrong way.”
Now there is enough truth to make you pause.
Enough agreement to make you reconsider.
But the core issue is still being redirected.
And that makes it harder to stand firm in your experience.
6. Creating Self-Doubt Over Time
A magician does not need to convince you in one moment.
They build the illusion step by step.
Gaslighting works the same way.
Small doubts. Repeated moments. Subtle shifts.
Until one day, you are not as sure of yourself as you used to be.
You start questioning your reactions before anyone else does.
You begin to adjust yourself automatically.
And at that point, the tactic no longer needs to be applied as strongly.
Because it is already working internally.
7. Making You Participate in the Illusion
This is the part most people do not realise.
At some point, you begin to do part of the work yourself.
You second-guess before speaking. You soften your points. You adjust your memory.
Not because you want to, but because it feels easier.
You start anticipating the response and shaping yourself around it.
And that is when the illusion feels most real.
Because it is no longer just happening to you.
You are now involved in maintaining it.
When the Trick Starts to Break
The moment you start seeing these patterns, something changes.
Not everything at once.
But enough.
You begin to notice the shifts. The redirections. The subtle changes in narrative.
And once you see it, it becomes harder to unsee.
That is how illusions lose their power.
Not by force, but by awareness.
A Quiet Truth
You are not “bad at understanding things.”
You were responding to something designed to be confusing.
And recognising that does not make you weak.
It brings you back to clarity.
Now let’s move into something immediate and practical:
What To Do Immediately When You Feel Gaslighted.
Because recognising it is one thing. Knowing what to do in the moment is what helps you stay grounded.
