Olalekan Adebumiti
By now we all can agree that arguments, disagreements, and healthy debates are a natural part of any relationship.
They help clear the air, solve problems, and bring couples closer together.
For most couples, constructive disagreements help to express feelings and work through issues together, fostering understanding and intimacy.
As much as these healthy disagreements can strengthen your bond, frequent and intense arguments can undermine the very foundation of your relationship.
Instead of bringing you closer, these constant conflicts drive a wedge between you and your partner, leading to resentment, frustration, and emotional distance.
Must Read (The next post in the relationship argument series): Signs that Your Relationship Arguments Are Worsening Things.
When you are aware that your arguments cross the line into unhealthy territory, you can easily draw back to help maintain a loving and respectful relationship, before they cause lasting damage.
Now that you care to know if they are crossing the line or not, here are some key indicators that your relationship arguments might be too much, and what you can do to get back on track:
1. You Have Frequent Arguments
Of course, the most noticeable sign is how often you argue. It’s clear to see and difficult to ignore.
Arguments and disagreements serve a purpose, but they quickly lose their effectiveness when they exceed a reasonable frequency.
Are your disagreements occurring almost daily, or multiple times a week?
Regardless of the reasons behind these frequent disputes, this pattern is a clear indication that it might be time to pause.
Consider taking a moment to share a smile or exchange some lighthearted words with your partner.
Approaching the situation with positivity can make a significant difference.
Working on reducing the frequency of these arguments is crucial, particularly when they are unproductive.
By doing so, you open up the possibility of resolving issues more effectively and restoring peace and understanding in your relationship.
This adjustment not only helps in managing conflicts but also strengthens the bond between you and your partner, paving the way for a more harmonious connection.
2. Your Arguments Often End Without Resolution
When arguments frequently end without any resolution, it’s a sign that your disagreements are becoming excessive.
Continuously rehashing the same issues without finding solutions can lead to frustration and resentment, as problems remain unsolved and continue to fester.
If you notice that your arguments often end without resolving the issue, take a step back and evaluate your approach. Try to focus on finding common ground and compromising.
Listen actively to your partner’s perspective and work together to find a mutually acceptable solution.
Your decision to aim for resolution rather than simply venting frustrations will help break the cycle of repetitive arguments and create a more harmonious relationship.
3. The Fear of Speaking up Increases
The fear of speaking up in a relationship is a clear sign that arguments have become excessive.
When you or your partner are afraid to express thoughts or feelings to avoid conflict, it leads to suppressed emotions and unspoken grievances.
This fear stifles open communication, causing resentment and misunderstandings to build up over time.
Once you see that this fear is present, it’s time to create a safe environment with your partner and share your feelings without fear of backlash.
To further crumble this menace, establish ground rules for discussions, such as avoiding interruptions, name-calling, or raising voices, to ensure a respectful dialogue.
Encourage regular sharing of thoughts and concerns. Use “I” statements to express feelings without placing blame, like “I feel upset when this happens” instead of “You always do this.”
This method keeps conversations focused on feelings rather than accusations.
With a supportive communication environment in place, you can alleviate the fear of speaking up.
The much-needed openness now allows you both to express your feelings honestly, leading to more effective problem-solving and a stronger, more trusting relationship.
4. You and Your Partner Are Avoiding Arguments Altogether
The fear of speaking up often leads to the problem of avoiding arguments altogether.
When you or your partner start avoiding each other to prevent conflicts, it’s a clear sign that arguments have become excessive.
Avoidance might seem like a peaceful strategy, but it often leads to emotional distance and unresolved issues that can strain the relationship.
Avoidance can take many forms: one partner might start spending more time at work, immersing themselves in hobbies, or physically distancing themselves during interactions.
While these actions might reduce immediate conflict, they also prevent important conversations from taking place. Over time, the lack of communication can build a wall of unspoken grievances and misunderstandings.
To address this, recognize when avoidance is happening and make a conscious effort to engage with your partner.
Create a safe space where both of you feel comfortable discussing your feelings without fear of conflict.
Set aside time for open and honest conversations, even if they’re difficult.
Confront the issues directly and constructively, and you can rebuild trust and intimacy, with problems being addressed rather than ignored.
This proactive approach can help prevent the accumulation of unresolved issues and foster a healthier, more connected relationship.
Grab that? See the next.
5. You Experience Emotional Exhaustion After Every Argument
When you feel emotionally drained after every argument, it is a strong indication that conflicts in your relationship have become excessive.
Healthy disagreements should not leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed.
Instead, they should lead to understanding and resolutions.
When arguments leave you constantly exhausted, it can affect your mental health and overall well-being.
Emotional exhaustion can manifest in various ways, such as feeling a sense of hopelessness, constant anxiety, or dread at the thought of another disagreement.
This exhaustion not only affects your mood but can also impact your physical health, leading to symptoms like headaches, insomnia, or general fatigue.
To combat this, begin to set boundaries during arguments.
Agree on a time limit for heated discussions to prevent them from dragging on and wearing you both out.
Take breaks if the conversation becomes too intense, allowing both of you to cool down and gather your thoughts.
Practice self-care by engaging in activities that relax and rejuvenate you, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with supportive friends and family.
Acknowledging the impact of emotional exhaustion and adopting measures to address it allows you to cultivate a healthier, more balanced approach to conflict resolution in your relationship.
Such a strategy does more than conserve your emotional reserves; it also cultivates a dynamic of respect and consideration with your partner.
6. Your Arguments Interfere With Your Daily Lives
More often than not, frequent and intense arguments not only cause emotional and physical stress but also start to interfere with your daily life.
It’s common to find that your work performance declines as unresolved conflicts consume your thoughts.
Social events might lose their charm because you feel too exhausted to engage or enjoy them.
When arguments impede your ability to function in daily activities, it clearly indicates that they have become overwhelming.
This pattern of interference often creates a vicious cycle where stress from arguments affects your daily routines, thereby heightening tension in your relationship.
To tackle this issue, it’s crucial to recognize how these conflicts are disrupting your life.
Discuss with your partner the extensive effects of your disagreements.
Make a pact to designate specific times for calm discussions and take breaks during heated exchanges to keep stress from mounting.
Prioritize self-care. Dive into activities that rejuvenate you. Whether that’s exercising, indulging in hobbies, or simply spending quality time with friends, find what helps you recharge.
When you manage how arguments affect your daily life, you create a healthier balance and reduce the stress in your relationship.
You will find out soon that this shift leads to more positive and less disruptive interactions, smoothing the path for a calmer, more connected partnership.
7. You Are Using the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment might feel like an easy out during conflict, but it’s actually a sign that arguments are becoming too much.
When one partner withdraws and stops communicating, it blocks any chance for resolution and leaves the atmosphere feeling cold. The other partner ends up feeling ignored and invalidated.
So, here’s a better way to handle it: recognize the damage that silence does to your relationship. Commit to keeping the communication open, even when it’s tough.
If you need to take a breather, just let your partner know. Say something like, “I need a moment, but I’m not walking away.
We’ll talk this out a bit later.” This keeps misunderstandings at bay and shows you’re committed to solving the problem.
Encourage each other to express feelings openly. Using phrases like “Let’s take a short break, but let’s revisit this later,” helps maintain a connection, even during disagreements.
Regularly checking in with each other ensures that both of you feel heard and understood.
Ditching the silent treatment for open, ongoing communication does wonders.
It not only enhances understanding between you and your partner but also prepares both of you to face issues directly.
This leads to healthier and more effective ways of resolving conflicts.
How Do You Get out of This Maze?
As you can see from the points above, it’s totally okay to argue in a relationship.
Disagreements are a natural and necessary part of any partnership.
They help to clear the air, address issues, and can even bring you closer together.
What’s not okay is when arguments become excessive and start to dominate your relationship, causing more harm than good.
If your aim is a good resolution, then you have to approach arguments more effectively.
Know when to pull back and take a break if things are getting too heated.
Recognize the signs of excessive arguing and take proactive steps to address them.
Use calm, respectful communication to express your feelings and work towards resolving issues without resorting to blame or bringing up the past.
The goal is not to win an argument but to find a resolution that strengthens your relationship.
Make a conscious effort to keep conflicts constructive and be mindful of how you argue, then you can navigate disagreements more successfully and build a healthier, more resilient relationship.
I wish you all the best.
