Rejoice Njoku
No one tells you that relationships will come with bumps. You think it’s going to be all lovey-dovey, then boom. A conflict.
Unfortunately, you’re not a confrontational person, so you’d rather not get into it with your partner.
But for how long? And is that strategy really effective?
Avoiding conflict might seem like the easy way out, but in the long run, it can be more harmful than helpful. By not addressing issues as they arise, they can fester and grow, leading to resentment and misunderstanding between you and your partner.
Avoiding conflict can also make it harder to resolve issues when they do come up, and can even lead to the breakdown of your relationship.
To avoid the negative impacts of avoiding conflict, it’s important to learn how to handle it constructively. Understanding the consequences of avoiding conflict is the first step in developing effective conflict-resolution skills.
By recognizing the negative impacts of avoiding conflict, you’ll be motivated to address issues head-on instead of brushing them under the rug.
The truth is conflicts are inevitable in any relationship, whether it’s with your partner, family, or friends. Learning how to handle them constructively is an essential skill for maintaining healthy relationships.
In this post, we’ll discuss five better things to do instead of avoiding conflict in your relationship. These strategies will help you communicate effectively, resolve conflicts, and strengthen your connection with your partner.
So, whether you’re in a long-term relationship or just starting out, this post will provide you with valuable insights into how to handle conflict constructively and maintain a healthy, happy relationship. Get ready to learn five better things to do instead of avoiding conflict in your relationship!
Find Common Ground
When you find yourself in a conflict with your partner, it can be easy to focus on your differences and what separates you.
You can’t work as a team if you’re on different sides of the divide!
So the first thing you can do to face the conflict head-on is to find common ground. It’s a powerful way to bring you closer together and resolve conflicts.
One way to find common ground is to identify areas of agreement. What values, goals, or beliefs do you share with your partner?
For example, perhaps you both value honesty, or you both want to have a happy, fulfilling relationship. By focusing on these shared areas, you can build a foundation of understanding and trust.
Another way to find common ground is to work towards a shared goal. This can help to lower defences and avoid blown-out fights.
Let’s say you and your partner are having a disagreement about how to spend your vacation time. Instead of focusing on your differences, try to find a shared goal, such as having a relaxing and rejuvenating vacation.
By working together to achieve this goal, you can find a compromise that works for both of you.
It’s also important to approach finding common ground with an open mind and a willingness to listen to your partner’s perspective.
This means truly hearing what they have to say, even if you disagree with it. Try to see things from their point of view and find areas of agreement that you may have overlooked.
Finally, finding common ground is an ongoing process that requires practice and patience. It may not always be easy, but it is a much healthier option than avoiding conflict.
Practice Effective Communication
You can’t make much progress in your relationship without effective communication. Even if you do find common ground to tread upon, you may mess it up if you don’t communicate yourself well.
It allows you to express your thoughts and feelings clearly and understand your partner’s perspective. On the other hand, ineffective communication can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unresolved conflicts.
Imagine this scenario: you and your partner have been arguing about something for days. You both feel frustrated and unheard. During a heated conversation, you raise your voice and say hurtful things. Your partner responds in kind, and soon you’re both yelling at each other. The argument escalates until you’re both so angry that you storm out of the room, slamming the door behind you.
Now, imagine a different scenario. You and your partner have been arguing about the same thing, but this time, you decide to communicate effectively. You start by expressing your feelings in a calm and respectful manner without pointing fingers.
Your partner listens attentively and responds with empathy, acknowledging your feelings and offering their own perspective.
Through open communication and active listening, you both come to a compromise that satisfies both of you. Here are some ways to be an effective communicator:
Communicate Openly
This means expressing your thoughts and feelings honestly and respectfully, without judgment or blame. By doing so, you create a safe and supportive environment where both you and your partner feel heard and understood.
Use “I” Statements
When you use “I” statements, you take responsibility for your own feelings and avoid blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” you might say, “I feel unheard when I’m trying to express myself.” This approach allows you to express your feelings without putting your partner on the defensive.
Practise Empathy
Empathy means putting yourself in your partner’s shoes and trying to understand their perspective. Ask yourself, “why does my partner feel this way?” or “why are they acting this way?” By doing so, you can better communicate and find common ground.
Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions
Own up to your mistakes and work to make things right. By taking responsibility, you show your partner that you value their feelings and are committed to resolving conflicts in a healthy and constructive way.
Remember, communication is key!
Manage Your Emotions
In a conflict, emotions can run high and get in the way of resolving the issue.
It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and say or do things you don’t mean, leading to hurt feelings and worsening the situation. That’s why managing emotions is crucial in conflict resolution.
If you or your partner feel angry or hurt, you might become defensive and lash out with criticism or accusations. This, in turn, can lead to the other partner feeling attacked or misunderstood and responding with more hostility, creating a cycle of negativity that makes it difficult to find a resolution.
By taking control of your emotions, you can focus on the issue at hand rather than getting caught up in the emotional reactions of the moment.
To effectively manage emotions in conflict, there are three key strategies you can use: staying calm, taking breaks, and focusing on finding a solution.
Stay Calm
Staying calm is easier said than done when emotions are running high, but it’s important to keep your cool in a conflict. Taking a few deep breaths or counting to ten can help you to stay calm and level-headed. When you’re calm, you’re better able to listen to your partner’s point of view and respond in a constructive way.
Take Breaks
Sometimes it’s necessary to take a break from the conflict to cool down and collect your thoughts. It’s important to communicate with your partner about taking a break so that they don’t feel ignored or abandoned. Taking a break can give you both time to reflect on the situation and come back with a fresh perspective.
Focus on the Positive and Finding a Solution Rather Than Apportioning Blame
When emotions are high, it’s easy to get caught up in blaming each other for the situation. However, focusing on finding a solution and moving forward is a more constructive approach.
It’s important to remember that the goal is to resolve the issue, not to win the argument. By focusing on finding a positive solution, you can work together to find a compromise that meets both of your needs.
By staying calm, taking breaks, and focusing on finding a positive solution, you can work through conflicts with your partner in a constructive way. Remember that conflicts are an opportunity to learn and grow together, and with effective communication and emotion management, you can build a stronger, healthier relationship.
Be Willing to Compromise
We often think that compromise is a bad word or that it means lowering our standards.
But in relationships, it doesn’t have to be. In any relationship, conflicts are inevitable.
And while it’s important to manage emotions in order to resolve conflicts, being willing to compromise is just as crucial. Compromise involves finding a middle ground where both of you can be satisfied with the outcome.
It requires a willingness to let go of some of your own wants and needs to reach a solution that works best for both of you.
As I mentioned earlier, compromise doesn’t mean sacrificing your values or principles. It’s about finding creative solutions that can address both your needs and your partner’s.
For example, if you want to take a trip to the beach for the weekend, but your partner wants to visit their family, you can compromise by taking a trip to the beach near their family’s home.
This way, you both get to do something you enjoy while also spending time with their family.
Brainstorming solutions together is a great way to find compromises that work for both of you. This involves sitting down with your partner and discussing your wants and needs, as well as what you’re willing to compromise on.
By doing this, you can avoid the trap of feeling like one person is giving in or sacrificing more than the other. Instead, you can work together to find solutions that benefit both of you.
Another way to compromise is by negotiating.
Both of you make a list of your wants and needs, then discuss how you can each give a little to meet in the middle. This approach can be especially helpful when there are big decisions to be made, such as where to live or how to handle finances.
By negotiating, you can both feel like your voices are being heard and that the solution is fair to both of you.
Ultimately, being willing to compromise in your relationship shows that you value your partner and the relationship itself.
It’s a sign of maturity and respect for each other’s needs and desires. When both of you are willing to compromise, you can resolve your conflicts more easily, and the relationship can grow stronger as a result.
So, the next time you find yourself in a conflict with your partner, remember that being willing to compromise is key to finding a solution that works for both of you.
Seek Outside Help
I know you’ve been told that involving other people in your relationship may spell disaster, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. In fact, in times of crisis, it just might be your saving grace.
When it comes to resolving conflicts in your relationship, seeking outside help from a therapist or relationship counsellor can be an effective way to gain new insights and tools for addressing the issue.
Even if you and your partner are committed to working things out, it can be difficult to see the situation objectively and find a solution on your own. That’s where seeking outside help comes in.
Maybe you’ve never considered going to a therapist or relationship counsellor before, or maybe you have but weren’t sure it would be helpful.
Either way, it’s important to know that seeking outside help is not a sign of weakness but rather a proactive step towards resolving the conflict in a healthy way. A therapist or counsellor can provide a safe space for both you and your partner to share your thoughts and feelings and offer guidance and support as you work through the issue.
Your partner has to be willing to go with you to seek such help, though. You do not want to make things worse!
Remember, seeking outside help is not a magic solution to your problems, but it can provide you with the tools and support you need to work through conflicts in a healthy way.
Don’t hesitate to reach out if you feel stuck or overwhelmed – sometimes, a fresh perspective can make all the difference.
Takeaway: Strengthening Your Relationship Through Conflict
Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of any relationship, but it’s how you handle it that matters.
Avoiding conflict may seem like the easiest solution in the moment, but it can actually do more harm than good in the long run.
By learning to face conflict head-on and finding healthy ways to work through it, you can strengthen your relationship and deepen your connection with your partner.
One of the biggest benefits of working through conflict is that it builds trust between you and your partner. When you’re able to work through disagreements in a constructive way, it shows that you’re both committed to making the relationship work and that you trust each other enough to be vulnerable.
Another benefit is that it can improve communication between you and your partner. By learning to express your thoughts and feelings in a productive way, you can avoid misunderstandings and ensure that your needs are being met.
It’s also important to remember that conflict can be an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. By examining your own beliefs and behaviours, you can learn more about yourself and how you contribute to the conflict. This can help you to make positive changes and improve yourself as a partner.
So, the next time you find yourself tempted to avoid conflict, remember that it’s not always the best solution. Instead, try one of the five things we discussed: active listening, taking a break, seeking outside help, finding common ground, and being willing to compromise.
By doing so, you’ll be taking an important step towards building a stronger, healthier relationship with your partner.
