Olalekan Adebumiti
You are tired of being the only one holding the umbrella while you both stand in the rain.
You have convinced yourself that love is about sacrifice, so you keep giving until there is nothing left of you.
But there is a massive difference between supporting a partner through a hard season and being the only person keeping the relationship alive.
We are told that relationships are never a perfect 50/50 split.
Some days you give eighty per cent because they only have twenty to give, and that is what partners do.
But what happens when you realise you have been carrying the eighty percent for three years straight?
You aren’t being a supportive partner anymore; you are being an unpaid emotional anchor.
It is time to stop romanticising your own exhaustion and start looking at the reality of your dynamic.
Let us look at the signals that your high capacity is not an invitation for someone else to stop trying.
1. You Are The Only One Initiating Connection
The phone stays silent unless you are the one to send the first text message.
You are the person booking the dinner tables and checking the calendar for free weekends.
If you stopped reaching out today, you fear the entire relationship would simply evaporate into thin air.
It feels like you are chasing a ghost who is sitting right next to you on the sofa.
Real love requires two people to keep the fire burning, not one person frantically rubbing sticks together.
You deserve to feel pursued and wanted without having to beg for a moment of their time.
When the effort is lopsided, you are not in a partnership; you are in a pursuit.
2. Your Needs Are Treated Like Inconveniences
Whenever you speak up about your feelings, they react as if you are handing them a heavy chore.
You have started to apologise for having basic emotional requirements in the relationship.
They make you feel like you are being “difficult” just for wanting a bit of consistency.
A partner who truly cares will see your needs as a map to your heart, not a burden to carry.
You should not have to shrink yourself to make their life easier or more comfortable.
If they make you feel guilty for existing, they are not protecting your heart.
You are allowed to take up space and expect your feelings to be handled with gentle care.
3. They Only Show Up When It Is Convenient For Them
They are perfectly charming and present when they want something or when their schedule is clear.
However, the moment you need a shoulder to lean on during a busy week, they are nowhere to be found.
You find yourself waiting for the “good version” of them to return while settling for the crumbs they leave behind.
True commitment is not a part-time job that someone can clock out of whenever they get bored.
You deserve someone who stays in the trenches with you, even when life gets messy or dull.
Consistency is the only way trust is built, and sporadic affection is just a form of manipulation.
Stop accepting a love that only works on their terms and never considers yours.
4. You Feel Lonelier In The Relationship Than You Do Alone
There is a specific kind of ache that comes from being ignored by the person you love.
You sit in the same room, but it feels like there is a canyon stretching between your chairs.
You have stopped sharing your daily wins because they do not seem to be listening anyway.
Being single is far less painful than being with someone who makes you feel completely invisible.
Your heart is heavy because you are grieving a connection that exists only in your imagination.
A relationship should be a sanctuary where you feel seen, heard, and deeply understood.
If you are lonely while holding their hand, that hand does not truly belong to you.
5. The Emotional Labour Is Entirely On Your Shoulders
You are the one who remembers the birthdays, the anniversaries, and the names of their colleagues.
You spend your mental energy worrying about their stress levels while yours go completely unnoticed.
It is exhausting to be the manager of a romance that should be a shared responsibility.
You have become an expert at reading their moods just to keep the peace at home.
Meanwhile, they have never once stopped to ask how you are actually coping with the weight.
Emotional labour is still labour, and doing it all alone will eventually break your spirit.
You need a partner who carries their own bags instead of tossing them onto your pile.
6. You Are Making Excuses For Their Lack Of Effort
You tell your friends that they are “just stressed” or “not the communicative type” to protect them.
In reality, you are trying to convince yourself that their neglect is actually just a personality trait.
You find yourself defending their silence because the truth of their indifference is too much to bear.
When you stop making excuses, you are forced to see the relationship for what it truly is.
High capacity on your part should never be an excuse for total laziness on theirs.
They are capable of effort; they are simply choosing to spend that effort elsewhere.
Accepting the truth is the first step toward reclaiming the respect you have lost for yourself.
7. The Future Is A Solo Vision Instead Of A Shared One
When you close your eyes and dream of next year, you struggle to see them in the frame.
You have stopped planning big things together because you can no longer rely on their presence.
The “we” has slowly turned back into an “I” because you are tired of being let down.
A healthy relationship is two people building a life together, not one person building a life around someone else.
You deserve a future that feels like a solid bridge, not a tightrope you have to walk alone.
If they are not helping you build the foundation, they do not deserve to live in the house.
It is time to walk toward a life where your love is matched with equal intensity and devotion.
The Strength To Choose Yourself
Dear, it’s time you realise that you cannot love someone into treating you better.
Your worth is not a negotiation, and you are not a project for someone else to finish when they feel like it.
The hard truth is that by staying in a place where you are undervalued, you are telling the world that this is all you deserve.
It takes immense courage to walk away from a lopsided love, but it takes even more strength to stay and watch yourself disappear.
You are allowed to want more than just “enough” to get by.
Choose the path that leads you back to your own heart, where you are already whole and more than enough.
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