Olalekan Adebumiti
When a relationship is healthy, your body chemistry works with you.
You feel a “glow” that comes from being cherished and understood.
However, when a man is draining your love hormone, that glow is replaced by a grey, persistent fatigue.
You aren’t just tired in your body: you are tired in your soul.
You begin to feel like a version of yourself that you don’t recognise. You’re now someone who is sharp, guarded, and constantly on edge.
Here are the seven signs that your partner is draining your emotional reserves and leaving you feeling hollow.
1. The Death of the Small, Sweet Gestures
Oxytocin is fed by the “unnecessary” moments of love.
It is the kiss on the forehead while you are working, the way he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, or the random text just to say he is thinking of you.
When he stops doing these things, your heart begins to feel like it is starving.
You might still have sex, but without the daily “glue” of affection, the physical intimacy starts to feel empty.
You begin to feel like a roommate or a business partner rather than a woman who is desired.
2. You Are Constantly Proving Your Value
In a healthy bond, you are loved for who you are, not just for what you do.
If you feel like you have to be “perfect” to receive a kind word, your love hormone is being drained.
You might find yourself over-functioning: cooking his favourite meals, keeping the house spotless, or handling all the emotional labour just to get a bit of warmth in return.
When love feels like a reward for good behaviour, you can never truly relax.
You are always performing, and performance is the opposite of connection.
3. He Invalidates Your Feelings as “Drama”
Nothing kills the love hormone faster than being told your feelings are wrong.
When you try to share your hurt or your needs and he meets you with an eye-roll or tells you that you are “overreacting,” you feel a physical “shut-down” in your chest.
This is your body protecting itself from further pain.
Over time, you stop sharing your internal world altogether.
You realise it is safer to be silent than to be dismissed, but that silence is where the relationship goes to die.
4. You Feel Invisible Even When He is Right There
There is a specific kind of pain that comes from sitting next to the man you love while he is completely absorbed in his phone, his games, or his work.
You try to catch his eye or share a thought, but you are met with a wall of distraction.
This “emotional absence” feels like a slow leak in your heart.
You are in the same room, but you are not together.
You begin to feel a deep, aching loneliness that is actually worse than being truly alone, because the person you want to be with is right there but out of reach.
5. Criticism Has Replaced Compliments
When you first met, he saw the best in you.
Now, it feels like he only sees the flaws.
Whether it is a comment about your appearance, your career, or how you handle the children, the constant drip of criticism acts like a poison.
For a woman to feel connected, she needs to feel admired and respected.
When he picks you apart, your body stops producing the hormones that make you want to be close to him.
You start looking for that validation elsewhere because your home has become a place of judgement.
6. He Uses “Stonewalling” as a Weapon
If every disagreement ends with him giving you the silent treatment or walking away, your sense of security is being destroyed.
Women need emotional safety to thrive, and “stonewalling” is a form of emotional abandonment.
When he shuts you out, your brain goes into a state of panic and stress.
This keeps your stress hormones high and completely wipes out any feelings of love or bonding.
You are left trying to fix a bridge that he has set on fire, and that effort is incredibly draining.
7. You Have Lost Your “Softness”
This is the most telling sign of all.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you feel “soft.” A woman who is being cherished and lead with love has a natural softness to her.
If you feel hard, cynical, and “tough” all the time, it is because you have had to build a wall around your heart.
You have stopped relying on him because he proved he wasn’t reliable.
This hyper-independence is a survival mechanism.
You have become your own sanctuary because he refused to be one for you.
How to Reclaim Your Heart
If these signs resonate with you, it is time to stop pretending that you are “just stressed.”
Your body is telling you that the emotional environment of your relationship is toxic to your well-being.
A high-value woman knows that she cannot flourish in a place where her peace is treated as an afterthought.
You deserve a love that fills you up, not one that requires you to slowly disappear just to keep the peace.
It is time to have a real conversation about what you need to feel safe, seen, and loved again.
