Olalekan Adebumiti
It is a heavy, hollow feeling when the person who used to be your sanctuary becomes the source of your stress.
For a man, oxytocin, which is often called the “love hormone”, is what creates that sense of calm, security, and bonding.
When it is flowing, you feel like you can take on the world because you have a safe place to return to at night.
But when that hormone is being drained, you start to feel like you are running on empty.
You feel irritable, isolated, and strangely cold, even when you are sitting right next to her.
It is the feeling of a battery that never quite reaches a full charge, no matter how much you try to plug back in.
Here are the eight signs that she is draining your love hormone and leaving you emotionally bankrupt.
1. The Small Physical Touches Have Vanished
It is a common mistake to think that men only care about sex.
In reality, the “love hormone” is fueled by the small, non-sexual moments of contact: a hand on your shoulder while you are cooking, a quick hug before you leave for work, or her feet resting on yours while you watch a film.
When these small gestures disappear, a man starts to feel like he is invisible.
You begin to feel more like a piece of furniture or a utility than a partner.
Without that physical “glue,” the emotional bond starts to feel brittle and fragile.
2. You Are Walking on Eggshells Every Single Day
When a relationship is healthy, home is where you go to take off your armour.
But when your oxytocin is being drained, home becomes the place where you have to put it on.
You find yourself rehearsing what you are going to say to avoid a fight.
You check the “vibe” of the room before you even take your shoes off.
This constant state of high alert keeps your cortisol (the stress hormone) high and your love hormones low.
You can never truly relax because you are always waiting for the next conflict to erupt.
3. Your Wins Are Met with Silence or Criticism
A man needs to feel like his partner is his teammate.
When you come home with good news or a small victory, and she meets it with a “that’s nice” or immediately shifts the focus to something you haven’t done yet, it is a massive drain.
Over time, you stop sharing your dreams and your successes with her because it hurts more to have them ignored than to keep them to yourself.
You begin to feel like your only value in her eyes is what you can provide, not who you are or what you achieve.
4. Affection Has Become Transactional
If you feel like you have to “earn” a kind word or a soft look by doing chores or meeting specific demands, the love hormone is being drained.
Affection should be a gift, not a currency.
When intimacy or kindness is used as a reward for good behaviour—or withheld as a punishment—it creates a sense of resentment.
You start to feel like a performing seal rather than a man who is loved for his character.
This makes the relationship feel like a business arrangement, which is the fastest way to kill a deep bond.
5. She No Longer Asks About Your Internal World
In the beginning, she wanted to know everything: your fears, your childhood, and what you thought about the world.
Now, the conversation is strictly functional.
It is about the bills, the shopping list, or the weekend schedule.
When she stops being curious about you, the oxytocin stops flowing.
You feel like the “real you” is tucked away in a box that she has no interest in opening.
Being “known” is a fundamental human need, and when that curiosity dies, the connection feels like it is on life support.
6. You Feel Lonelier When She Is in the Room
This is perhaps the most painful sign of all.
There is a specific kind of loneliness that only exists in a crowded relationship.
You are sitting on the same sofa, perhaps even touching, but you feel miles apart.
You might try to catch her eye or start a conversation, only to be met with a distracted “mhm” as she looks at her phone.
This “loneliness in company” is a clear indicator that the emotional bridge between you has collapsed.
Your brain registers her presence, but it no longer feels the “hit” of safety and warmth that it used to.
7. The “Safe Space” Has Become a Judge’s Chamber
A man’s oxytocin levels are highest when he feels respected and admired.
If the majority of your interactions involve her pointing out your flaws, correcting your stories, or telling you how you “should” have handled a situation, your bond is being eroded.
Instead of being the person who builds you up, she has become the person who picks you apart.
When you feel judged rather than supported, your body stops producing the hormones that make you want to move closer to her.
You start looking for that validation elsewhere: at work, in hobbies, or with friends.
8. You Have Stopped Sharing Your Vulnerabilities
The moment you realise you can no longer tell her when you are scared, overwhelmed, or sad is the moment the drain is complete.
Men are often taught to be “strong,” but a true partnership is the one place where a man should be able to drop the mask.
If you have learnt through experience that sharing your feelings leads to her losing respect for you, or her using those feelings against you later, you will shut down.
This internal “shut-off valve” protects you from pain, but it also stops any love hormones from reaching your heart.
Where from Here?
If you recognise these signs, it is a signal that your emotional tank is empty.
You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you certainly cannot lead a relationship when you are running on fumes.
It is time to have a serious conversation about the emotional climate of your home.
A high-value man knows that his peace is not optional: it is the foundation of everything he builds.
You deserve a partner who adds to your life, rather than one who slowly drains the colour out of it.
