Olalekan Adebumiti
I’ve been a father since 2017, and I am well qualified to speak on this subject.
Just so you know, we won’t be discussing perfection, but rather templates.
As you might already know, there is a big difference between a man who is “good with kids” and a man who will be a good father.
Being good with kids is easy. It means he can make a funny face, kick a football, and hand the child back when it starts crying. It is a performance.
Being a father is not a performance but a tiring marathon.
Talk about patience when he hasn’t slept in 24 hours!
Fatherhood means being selfless when he is sick, but the baby needs feeding, and it’s about emotional stability when the world feels like chaos.
You aren’t looking for a babysitter; you are looking for a co-pilot.
You need to know if he has the character to handle the most challenging, yet most rewarding, job on earth.
Here are 10 signs he is ready for the task.
1. He Has Infinite Patience With Inanimate Objects
Watch how he handles a crisis that isn’t a person. Watch him assemble flat-pack furniture. Watch him untangle a knot in a necklace. Watch him deal with a slow computer.
If he screams, throws things, or gives up immediately, take note. A crying baby is infinitely more frustrating than an IKEA wardrobe.
A man who cannot regulate his anger when a task gets hard will struggle when a toddler refuses to put on their shoes for the fiftieth time.
2. He Isn’t Afraid To Look Silly
Can he dance in the kitchen with you? Will he wear a ridiculous hat if it makes you laugh?
A great father needs to be able to leave his ego at the door.
He needs to be willing to play make-believe, sing off-key lullabies, and be a climbing frame.
If he is too obsessed with looking “cool” or “masculine,” he will miss out on the pure joy of connecting with a child.
3. He Apologises When He Is Wrong
This is non-negotiable. Many men view apologies as weakness.
They will argue until they are blue in the face to prove they were right.
A great father knows he is human. He knows he will make mistakes. When he snaps at you or forgets something, does he own it?
Does he say “I’m sorry” without adding a “but”? A father who can apologise teaches his children that it is safe to be imperfect.
4. He Puts Your Comfort Before His Convenience
Watch him when you are out together.
Does he give you his jacket when it’s cold?
Does he walk on the roadside of the pavement?
Does he make sure you have water?
Parenting is the art of inconveniencing yourself for someone else’s survival.
If he is already naturally protective and nurturing towards you, he will be a fortress for his children.
5. He Handles A Crisis Without Panicking
When the car breaks down or you miss a flight, what is his reaction?
Does he look for someone to blame, or does he look for a solution?
Children are chaos machines. They get sick at 3 AM. They break things.
You need a partner who can look at a disaster and say, “Right, let’s fix this,” rather than a partner who adds to the stress by losing his temper.
6. He Has Hobbies That Require Delayed Gratification
Does he garden? Does he cook complicated meals? Does he play an instrument?
These hobbies require patience.
They require doing work now for a reward that might not come for weeks or months.
Parenting is the ultimate long game.
A man who needs instant gratification will struggle with the slow, repetitive work of raising a human.
7. He Treats Service Staff With Respect
This is the classic test of character. How does he speak to the waiter who got his order wrong? How does he treat the taxi driver?
If he is rude to people he perceives as “below” him, he has a conditional heart.
He only respects people who have power.
You want a man who respects people simply because they are human beings—because that is how you want him to treat your children, even when they are small and powerless.
8. He Listens To Understand, Not Just To Reply
When you are talking about your feelings, is he actually listening?
Or is he just waiting for you to stop so he can offer a solution or talk about himself?
Children need to be heard.
They need a father who will listen to their ramblings about dinosaurs or their teenage anxieties with equal weight.
A man who listens validates a child’s existence.
9. He Takes Care Of You When You Are Sick
When you have the flu, does he step up?
Does he bring you soup, handle the chores, and let you rest?
Or does he act like you are inconveniencing him?
If he can’t handle taking care of a grown woman for a few days, he certainly cannot handle a sick child.
You need to know that when you are down, he is capable of taking the lead.
10. He Is Willing To Grow
Does he read? Does he go to therapy?
Does he try to learn new things?
The best fathers are the ones who know they don’t know everything.
They are willing to read the parenting books.
They are willing to change their approach if it isn’t working.
A man who thinks he is already finished growing will be a rigid father.
A man who is still growing will grow with his children.
The Future Vision
Imagine it is ten years from now. It is Sunday morning.
The house is a mess. The kids are loud. You are exhausted.
You look over at him.
Is he sitting on his phone, ignoring the chaos?
Or is he in the middle of it, laughing, wiping a nose, and looking at you like you are the best thing that ever happened to him?
If you can see him in the chaos, and if that vision makes you feel safe, then you have found him.
