Olalekan Adebumiti
We’ve been told since we were kids, “Honor your Father and Mother”. While that might seem like an easy request on the surface, many of us struggle to keep up with this expectation, especially when we are faced with the realities of how imperfect our parents can be. Honoring our parents is a command that we are born with the capacity to do, but rarely the motivation.
There are countless things that we are expected to do in order to honor our parents. All of the expectations show a special honoring spirit, but there is something special about honoring your parents even when they don’t deserve it. Whether or not you think your parents deserve it, in this article, we will help guide you on how you can honor them:
Why Should You Honor Anyone At All?
People live much happier lives when they have learned to be grateful for what they have and to treat others with kindness and respect. When someone does something for us, we show our gratitude by saying thank you. It’s a simple thing, but it can really make a difference in someone’s day, and help strengthen our relationships with them.
When you honor others, you are also honoring yourself. Honor makes an indelible impression on those around you, creating a positive atmosphere for all involved. By focusing on the positive aspects of others, it becomes much harder to hold onto resentments for petty reasons like minor slights in conversation.
So why should we all show each other honor? Well, it helps us to maintain a sense of unity within our community and helps us to coexist peacefully with one another. If we all respected each other and showed each other a sense of honor, then I’m sure the world would be a much better place and global conflict would be much less likely to occur.
When Your Parents No Longer Deserve to Be Honored
Some parents deserve to be honored and some don’t. In fact, it is possible that you have a parent who doesn’t deserve the honor you give her or him. When this happens, you still owe that parent due honor. So, let’s talk about how you can go about giving honor to them.
How to Give Due Honor to a Parent that Don’t Deserve Honor
Now that you know that it’s important to honor and respect your parents, come on board as I take you through an interesting journey of practical things you can do to give honor to your parents.
Honor Who They Are And Not What They Do
Your parent is their character and the relationship you have with them, and it’s important you strive to keep this relationship cordial. It’s true you love your parents, but too often we hold onto our resentment and bitterness towards our parents or whoever else has wronged us because we want to justify our anger towards them with the bad things they did towards us.
It’s important to note that your parent is not their job title, their income, or what they can do for you. If your parent was a heroin addict who abused you and you had to struggle to pay your way through college, honor who they are as a human being who deserves honor. If your mother was an alcoholic who abandoned you and never cared how you grew up and survived through the hard times of life, honor who she is as a person worthy of love.
Show Them Gratitude
Gratitude is very important. It helps you to appreciate what you have and to be thankful for all the blessings of life. Gratitude can help us to get rid of anger and resentment, which often destroy relationships with loved ones, and make them more pleasant.
You can show your appreciation and gratitude verbally. You know, every parent deserves to hear “thank you for being a very awesome mother/father to me; I really value you and know how much effort you put into bringing me up; I love you”. This can be through phone calls, emails or even in person. Express how thankful you are to have them as parents, how much you love and appreciate them. This will make them feel good about themselves and loved by you.
You can also show your gratitude by getting them gifts. Get something that relates to one of their passions or hobbies. For example, if your parent is a sports fan, get him or her a new jersey of their favorite team; if they’re into gardening, get them flowers or gardening tools; if they enjoy reading, gift them books they may enjoy; if they’re into traveling, get them an airplane ticket; etc.
Treat Them With Respect
You might feel that your parents have done some wrong by raising you or by their behavior but this does not mean that you should behave badly with them or abuse them emotionally or physically. Parents are special people, who should be respected and adored by their children.
Treating your parents with love and respect is not only important for their sake but also for your own self-development. It will teach you to be respectful towards older people, which will help you earn respect. You can treat your parents with respect by listening to what they say; not quarrelling when you disagree with them; acknowledging their contributions; avoiding hurtful statements; and respecting their privacy.
You can also treat them with respect by choosing not to speak of their faults or bad character in public. However, when alone with family members or close friends, it may be okay to speak of their faults as long as you are trying to correct a specific problem or help someone else who has a problem with the same character flaw.
Forgive Them
There is a famous saying that goes “do not judge others until you have walked in their shoes”. There are many reasons why people behave inappropriately and make mistakes, and there just might be other circumstances surrounding the person’s behavior that you do not know about. But even if you are certain of all the facts and you feel justified to be angry with your parent, you can still choose this powerful tool; forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a tool that heals our wounds, restores our soul, and helps us regain our self-esteem. Forgiveness doesn’t always feel like the right decision, but it is. It’s not easy to forgive our parents who hurt us, but it’s necessary. When we’re angry and upset and we hold onto grudges, it keeps us stuck in the past. But if you can forgive your parents who has wronged you, you can still move forward.
To forgive your parents, give up your desire for revenge and instead, choose to express love. Ensure that you choose not to hate them, but allow yourself to feel the pain; and then gradually heal. It may take time to heal, but it is a right step in a right direction. You may need to discuss some of your hurts with them or with a close friend who can help you. Forgiveness is something we may or may not feel in our hearts, but it’s something we must do because it releases us from anger and bitterness.
Accept The Reality Of Life And Let Go Of Things That Will Never Change
Your parents will never be perfect. The reality of life is that no one is perfect. Every human being has their flaws and shortcomings, and so do your parents. It’s very hard to let go of your childlike view of your parents when you grow up because they are supposed to be infallible in your eyes. But we all know that’s not true. We are all human beings and we all make mistakes, even if they are small ones.
Trying to change anyone is frustrating and futile, yet we try it all the time. How many times have you heard or said something like this: “He never listens to me!”, “He’s so stubborn!”, “She just doesn’t get it!”, “He’s a hypocrite!”. The problem is that every one of us has blind spots and quirks that drive other people crazy, but we must not let it frustrate us. There’s an urge to rebel against everything your parents tell you, especially when they’re being overbearing or judgmental. But trying to convince them of the validity of your point of view rarely changes their minds for good.
Now, if you really want to make your relationship with your parents work, then you have to make it thrive through love, acceptance and understanding. Honoring your parents doesn’t mean that you agree with everything they do or say; it means that you’re willing to stand by them and support them regardless of what happens next.
Instead of struggling to change what may never change, try to work on those things that can change. You can call them more often to bridge the gap of distance you formally had, tell them about your successes and what you appreciate about them. Share with them some happy moments from your day. You can also take visits and help out with chores, just to ensure you strengthen your bond with them.
Target Special Moments To Show Them Honor
Identify moments that are special or delicate in their lives, and plan to honor them at these important occasions. Some of the special moments you can honor them include; on their birthday ceremony; their marriage anniversary; your wedding day; a family gathering or even a time when they are in dire need of support. There is no parent who would not be full of joy to experience love and honor on their special days.
Honoring Them When They Are Late
Losing a parent is painful, and no one ever wants to imagine it happening. But if that should happen to you, you can still honor your parent through the ways you live your life after their death. The first way to honor your dead parent is by taking care of yourself. Honor their memory by continuing on with their legacy and showing everyone that they raised a strong person in the best way possible.
If your parents taught you good morals, values and skills then it’s up to you to carry these things on after their death. One sure-fire way of doing this is by being independent, self-sufficient and healthy. Your actions have a huge effect on the lives of other people and by living an exemplary life filled with hard work and integrity, anyone who knew your parents will know just how proud they would be of their child no matter what happened.
So, be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be because it goes a long way in giving honor to your late parent.
Conclusion
So dear friend, never get discouraged, but remember that taking the bold step to honor your parents the right way is a great and rewarding feat! Ensure you plan to deliberately work on these things and I can assure you that you will get amazing results. Do not forget, honor is of great essence, and no parent deserves it more than yours.
