How Often Should You Visit Your Parents After Marriage
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How Often Should You Visit Your Parents After Marriage?

It is the duty of every family member to visit their parents often, but it gets more difficult after marriage. The question of how often one should visit their parents after marriage is a common one usually asked, especially by married couples these days. Is there a standard amount of time that one must visit their parents? Are there any rules that should be followed?

Many couples choose to live some distance away from their parents, while some move close by for convenience. That is where the dilemma starts. Some people say that if you live nearby, then you should visit your parents at least once every 2 weeks, which may not be practical for everyone, as it might not work with your current schedule. Notwithstanding the uniqueness of your own schedule, the importance of visiting your parents cannot be overemphasized. Here is why;

Why You Must Visit Them

There is always a reason to avoid a visit to your parents. You can be too busy with your work or some other things, you don’t have money to travel, or you just don’t want to go. But the truth is that keeping close contact with your parents is very important, especially when they are getting older. There are several reasons you should visit them, and I will outline few here for you, so let’s get started!

You Have A Lot To Learn From Their Experiences

It’s good to have someone who has enough experience and knowledge about life to give you advice. Your parents have been through a lot of things, and they may share their experience with you. Your parents’ advice is often more valuable than the information that you read in books or on the Internet. It’s obvious that all the things that your parents learned weren’t written down anywhere, so they can only share them with you if you visit them more often.
You can also learn new things from them. You might get an idea of how to live your own life from their example. For instance, maybe you see how they’ve made their house cozy and livable after living in it for so long. This may help you figure out what you want out of your own home and how to achieve it.

They Won’t Be With You Forever

It is important that you keep close contact with your parents because they will pass away someday, and that can cause significant grief. That is why it is important to build great relationships with your parents as much as possible. This will enable you to have a sense of satisfaction that although they are no more, their memories are very tangible to you.

It Shows That You Care About Them

Visiting them on a regular basis will show them that you care and love them deeply. It will also bring you closer together by allowing you to spend quality time together. Visiting them will give a good foundation for this relationship to grow steadily and become stronger. You’ll have a lot more fun when you get to know each other’s likes and dislikes.

How Often Should You Visit Them?

Every family is different, and every stage in life has different needs. Though visiting parents can be important and fulfilling, there is no set amount of time that should be allotted to these visits. The amount of time should depend on the situation and the needs of both the parents and their children. I’ll share with you some factors that might affect how often you may be able to visit your parents.

Consider the Distance

Many of us don’t spend much time thinking about how far away we live from our parents. I mean, what difference does it make? We’ll see them when we see them, right? Distance may be a factor that can influence how often you can visit your parents. If you live nearby, it may be easier for you to check in once in a while, but this may be a limiting factor if you live far away.

As a child, you may have enjoyed the luxury of living close to your parents. But as an adult, you probably live far away from them. You may not see them as often as you would like, and you may feel guilty about it. You should know that it is not an uncommon situation.

If your parents live within driving distance from where you work, it may be easier for you to stop by their place on the way home from work. If they are closer to your place of work than they are to your home, consider asking if they would like to come over for dinner or over for coffee, depending on the time of day. But, if they live in another town or country, then you would need to properly plan to visit them.

Your Relationship With Them

Someone once shared a story with me; “I noticed something interesting about visiting my parents. When my sister came to visit my parents, she rarely stayed for more than a day or two because she always had “something else to do,” which usually involved going out with her friends. On the other hand, when it was just my husband and me visiting, we generally stayed at least a week—sometimes longer if the weather was nice. We spent the evenings sitting around the patio table sharing stories about our days or watching a movie together while eating popcorn. My husband even took over cooking dinner almost every night because he didn’t want Mom doing all of the work. Then I realized that how often you visit your parents can depend on how close you are to them and how they feel about your spouse or partner.”

If your relationship with your parents is close and cordial, you may want to visit more than if your relationship is casual. So how do you know what kind of relationship you have with your parents? Well, some questions can help determine this.

How important is it for you to be close to your parents? Do you like spending time with your parents? Do you share private matters with them? Do they give you privacy and space when necessary? Do they respect your boundaries? Are you comfortable with their behavior and vice-versa?

The answers to these questions reveal how healthy or unhealthy your relationship with them is. If it is unhealthy, try your best to mend the broken cords and restore a strong and cordial bond with your parents.

How Busy You Are

How busy you are can affect how often you may visit your parents. If you have a very busy job, the hours you work may make it difficult for you to visit them regularly. However, if you are less busy, then chances are that you can be able to visit them more often.

There is always a chance that you will not be able to visit your parents as often as you would have liked due to your busy schedule. You may have a job and family of your own. However, if you want to get enough time with your parents when they need it, the first thing you should do is plan out your schedule. This way, you will know beforehand how much time on a specific day or month that you can spare for them. Be sure that your parents know when they should expect your visits and try not to schedule too many other activities during these times as well.

Personalities / Background

One important factor has to do with your parents’ personality. Some people may have the personality trait of enjoying being around people, while others may enjoy time alone. If your parents are the former, they will most likely enjoy more company from their children. On the other hand, if your parents have been more independent throughout their lives, they might not appreciate it as much when someone stops by their house unannounced. Your own personality in this case, also comes to play and would also determine how often you would want to check on your parents at home.

The other determinant here is your family’s background and how close you were to them as you were growing up. For example, if you grew up in a family where everyone lived under the same roof or within walking distance of each other, you were most likely very close to your family, and you probably enjoyed spending time with them daily. On the other hand, if you grew up in a family where your parents worked long hours and didn’t spend too much time at home with the rest of the family, you might have developed the habit of seeing them less frequently once you grew older.

Your Spouse’s Approval

If you love your parents very much, you definitely want to spend more time with them, and you will be very willing to travel great distances to go and see them. However, the idea of visiting them often may not solely be your decision to make because you are married. Your spouse would have to give their approval for you to make frequent trips to visit your parents.

Suppose your spouse loves you spending time with your family and supports the idea of staying over at your parents’ home in order to provide comfort and peace of mind in their old age. In that case, it means that the chances are high that you will be visiting them very often and staying over at their place occasionally.

On the other hand, if your spouse is not supportive of the idea or does not like it, then it means that it will be very hard for you to go home for a long period and perhaps stay over some nights.

You Can Visit Them As Often As You Wish

So how often can you visit your parents? There’s no right answer that can fit everyone. You can make a schedule based on what you wish or what works best for you. You can decide to visit your folks twice a month, monthly, every two months, quarterly, during holidays, during festive periods, or at family gatherings when you are free from your work or studies.

The decision is totally up to you, and the agreement you can make with your parents. Just make sure that you do not miss it at any cost!

How To Get The Best Out Of Your Visit

You can do so many things when you visit your parents, especially when you don’t have the opportunity to visit them often. The love, laughter, memories, and experiences shared together are something you definitely want to hold onto for a long time. So what are the things you can do?

1. Speak with your parents about what is going on in their lives. This will help get everyone out of the bad habits of assuming everyone knows what is happening in the other’s life. Keep in mind that this may be a painful process because they may want to tell you things they don’t want to tell others. Be understanding and listen attentively to them.

2. Have them tell you about their childhood and growing up stories, this will help get both parties thinking about those experiences again or remembering them if they have already forgotten some of the details.

3. Do something fun with them like go for a picnic or play board games or do some gardening or painting together.. anything that can bring back memories from their childhood days and make them happy.

4. Help them out with house chores. Every parent would appreciate this, especially if they are aging and may not be too capable of helping themselves. It also gladdens their hearts to see that although their child is all grown up now, he is still their sweet and loving child.

How To Make Up For Irregular Visits

Visiting your parents regularly is important and you should do it. But sometimes, due to work or other reasons, you are unable to visit your parents. Instead of completely ignoring them, you can make up for it by finding alternative ways to compensate them for your irregular visits. Let’s take a look at the various ways in which you can make up for not visiting your parents:

Send Them Gifts

Gifts reassure parents that you still care about them and their well being. They are also a great way of reminding them that you love them. Different parents have unique things they love and wish to receive as gifts. Try to find out what they would appreciate the most, buy and send it to them.

Take Advantage Of Technology

Technology allows us to connect with people regardless of how far away they live from us. This can also help families stay connected even if they are not able to spend much time with each other. You can make video calls. Video calling is one of the best ways to stay connected with your parents without actually being there in person. It’s also a lot cheaper than visiting and a great way to compensate your parents.

Sponsor A Trip They Would Love

One way to make up for your absence from your parents, is to give them the opportunity to travel. Help them plan a trip they always wanted to take but could never afford. If they wanted to visit Paris or New York City but never made it there, help them plan the trip and pay for it.

Support Them Financially

It is often the case that your parents worked hard all their lives and now they need help making ends meet. They can’t work anymore and they don’t have much in their retirement funds. Now it’s time for you to step up and take care of them financially. Chances are, your parents will be able to draw on the social security benefits that they’ve been paying into over the years, but if their savings are too low, or if they’ve run out of money altogether, then it’s time for you to step in. You can start by talking with them about what kind of help they need – whether it’s a monthly allowance or additional money just in case an emergency arises. Then let them know that you’ll be there every step of the way – even if you’re not always around physically.

Conclusion

If you truly believe that your parents love you and want to see you, then try your best to explore these great ideas, and make them happy. Remember, keeping in touch with the people you care about the most will always help to keep your relationship with them alive and healthy.

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