Quarreling Lovers

Conflict Resolution in Relationships – Letter to all Lovers

We should not have any need to gainsay that all relationships have moments of conflicts. How we deal with the conflicts in our relationships – whether rightly or wrongly – is what makes a success or a failure out of us. To me, people should not take resolving conflicts or related issues as a do or die affair: we should all handle conflict resolution in love. You’ve got some conflict? Let resolution in at its best.

Everyone – including you – know that building a strong and healthy relationship is not rocket science. In fact, you don’t have to break a bank to keep up with the needs of a relationship. In same vein, you don’t need to break yourself up before you can manage individual differences in your relationship or marriage.

As long as you want adorable success in your relationship, you need to learn the act of conflict resolution, with every other elements of successful relationships. The letter below would help.


Hi dove. It’s been a while you know. How are you and your partner doing? (If you don’t have one please exercise more patience and your own time will surely come). I bet you Love Titanic is not hitting iceberg. Oh Glory!

I have something to tell you this day, and I trust you will be glad to receive a piece from the heart that cares. I will have to be very fast – but not furious – because the ink in my golden pen is running out. (You remember that old letter writing style?)

Please cross your heart that you’ll read this through… Heart crossed? Okay.

Incoming heartwarming sensation, impulse increasing, anti-breakup scanning, no incompatibility found. Flat rate love receiving, no hidden lust charges applies, love received: this is my wish for everyone!

Now let’s go there!

With my experience and knowledge of relationship so far, I know – and you can testify – that love is a beautiful thing. “You added “Don’t get it twisted?” No wahala. (Wahala means problem)

For you to know, I have been a forgiving person since I was younger – at least you know I am still young. When I was in secondary school (even until now and forever) I remember I practiced this act well. It was a custom for me then to beg anyone I quarreled with, just to seek peace, whether I was wrong or right.

Does that sound good or magical? But a warning please: don’t offend me in the night o! I could take you for a pickpocket and… You know now. Why are you thinking that way? It’s not the way you think: I did not do that because of any religion! No. I saw it as part of a healthy lifestyle and I embraced it heartily. You need to see conflict resolution that way too.

 “Clears throat.”

But for over a year now, or thereabout, I discovered I “sometimes” allowed some sort of resentment to stay in my heart overnight, which was against my normal-me-act.

“Don’t be surprised! Unhealthy things happen each time we allow our heads and not our hearts of love to rule us.”

[dt_quote type=”pullquote” layout=”right” font_size=”big” animation=”none” size=”1″]The beginning of failure in a relationship is when you allow your head to rule and not your heart to love – Olalekan Adebumiti. Click to tweet.[/dt_quote]

“Are you still there? Thank you; you are so sweet.

Whenever “The one whom I love” offended me, “Thinking she was taking me for granted,” I would “sometimes” want to treat her “F*ck up.” (You know the missing letter? That’s what we call it right?).

I used to say to myself, “I have tried enough and if I continue being loving and caring, treating her like the only Angel on earth and in heart (that was who she used to be anyway – she’s now late), it’ll get into her head… And she could get blown off, you know! She will even want to do more.” Sometimes I’ll wait all day for her to call and say, “I’m sorry, baby.” Was that too much for me to ask for? Abi o!

Or was I right or wrong for expecting her to call and say sorry? Thank you for saying I was right.

But I will have to ask you a question before I answer that myself:

Who should beg the other when a quarrel arises in a relationship?

Why telling me I know the answer? You just answer it. Do it! Sorry, I didn’t mean to threaten you.

Is that your final answer then? You can phone a friend anyway. Or should we use 50:50?

Simply put, not the man because he is a man. Not the woman because she is a woman. Not the offender. It is the one that LOVES MORE!

[dt_quote type=”pullquote” layout=”right” font_size=”big” animation=”none” size=”1″]It takes the one who loves more to end a quarrel in a relationship, not the offender – Olalekan Adebumiti. Click to tweet[/dt_quote].

I expect you to tweet the above because it seems to help you. But, if anyone would love more, should that person not be you. Of course it should. A promise?

Now let me answer that question:

I was absolutely wrong. In fact, 1000 times wrong because, love would seek peace and tend to forgive and end a quarrel on time, not waiting for the other partner. That’s how it works.

“But the other person should know it when they are wrong; and admit that they are wrong!” You hear?

Let me make this “small tiny little” confession: there were times I would expect her to call and just to say sorry but she wouldn’t. I would wait all day expecting her call. I would even had to put her name by default on any beep on my phone, be it a message or a call. I was always disappointed. And I would sheepishly pick up my phone and call her. You are smiling because it’s funny? Your own will soon come and I will laugh by then… Hey! That wasn’t a threat, please. I just wanted to pull your cheeks. Smiles.

Sorry for the mosquito bite…

Without mincing words, my heart tells me that this act is common among lovers: we tend to forgive others easily, but would like to hold it up with our woman or our man, just for them to feel it a little. Truth be told, it isn’t funny; it’s not an act of love!

“Mr. Romeo, has it happened to you before? What about you, Mrs. Juliet? Why not say the truth and put the devil to shame!”


My dear friend, don’t be deceived, we don’t walk in love when we prolong conflict resolution. And as long as we do that, we will hinder the answers to our prayers normally as when we harbour resentments against a neighbour. If we are sensitive enough, we would know things don’t go fine at such times. Now you know!

Remember, God wouldn’t treat disagreement in a relationship and that with just friends differently. Disagreement is disagreement before God; quarrel is quarrel.


People are out there seeking for an example of perfect relationship. So, care to make yours meet the highest ebb! I plead.

I guess you know that is more of a hard work than a mere wish. And it is one of the hardest thing to do when you have a lover who wouldn’t give up their ego.

That is not an excuse package though. It is a charge for a change. You can do it if you believe. You can get to the height you ever wish in your relationship, guaranteed! It’s worth the time. It’s worth the effort. Go for the best. Wouldn’t you?

I Quote:

[dt_quote type=”pullquote” layout=”right” font_size=”big” animation=”none” size=”1″]”The greatest focal point of Successful Relationship is the coming together of two people, who having leant and understood that love is giving, sharing and caring, express it through a thrust of sacrifice.[/dt_quote]

True love is sacrificial. True Love wants to give all. True Love is Selfless.
“For God so loved the world… John 3:16.”

I was wrong you know, but no more! That was me and not ME anymore. I left that stinking shoe, and I don’t wish you be in it – it isn’t your fit!

Thanks for the time. See you at the fulfilment side of marriage. God bless you.

“Now I drop back my golden pen into the basket of love.” Can we Smile together?

Yours faithfully,
Olalekan Adebumiti,
1000 Smiles.


As long as you agree with me that this is lovely, I urge you to share it with your friends. Thanks so much for that. Mwah.

Photo Credit: Nster


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