Olalekan Adebumiti
Love can blur your instincts.
Intelligence does not always protect you. Status does not protect you. Success does not protect you.
There are high profile executives, celebrities, and public figures who fall into romance scams every year because manipulation does not begin with logic.
Manipulation begins with emotion, and it is not limited to money.
Some people manipulate to control your time.
Some to weaken your confidence.
Some to dominate your thinking.
Some to isolate you socially.
Some to gain sexual, emotional, or psychological power.
It can erode you emotionally.
It can confuse you intellectually.
It can exhaust you psychologically.
It can even impact you spiritually if you begin doubting your own sense of truth.
So what are the subtle signs?
Let’s look at them clearly.
1. You Feel It In Your Gut
Rule number one.
If something feels off, it probably is.
Manipulation often begins as a quiet discomfort. You cannot explain it. There is no dramatic event. But you feel slightly anxious after conversations. Slightly confused. Slightly on edge.
Your body registers the shift before your mind catches up.
Do not dismiss that signal just because you cannot yet prove it.
2. You Apologise Constantly, Even When You Are Not Wrong
You find yourself saying sorry for things that are neutral. For asking questions. For expressing needs. For reacting normally.
You start to believe you are too sensitive, too emotional, too demanding.
When someone subtly reframes every disagreement as your fault, you slowly take on blame that does not belong to you.
Over time, your confidence shrinks.
3. They Rewrite Events You Clearly Remember
You bring up something they said.
They deny it.
They twist it.
They accuse you of misunderstanding.
This is gaslighting.
It chips away at your intellectual stability. You begin second guessing your memory. You wonder if you imagined things. You hesitate before trusting your own recollection.
When your reality constantly feels challenged, manipulation is likely at play.
4. They Create Urgency Around Big Decisions
Healthy love allows space.
Manipulation pushes speed.
You are pressured to move in quickly. To send money quickly. To cut off friends quickly. To make commitments before you have clarity.
Urgency limits your ability to think critically. It bypasses reflection and locks you into emotional momentum.
If someone resists your need for time, ask yourself why.
5. You Feel Isolated From People Who Care About You
At first, it sounds protective.
“They do not understand us.”
“They are jealous.”
“They are negative.”
Gradually, you stop sharing details with friends. You avoid family input. You defend behaviour you once questioned.
Isolation strengthens control.
When your world shrinks around one person, it becomes easier for them to shape your perception.
6. Affection Is Used As A Reward System
Some days they are warm, attentive, loving.
Other days they withdraw completely.
The pattern is inconsistent but strategic.
When you comply, you receive affection. When you question, you receive distance. This creates emotional dependency. You start chasing the good version of them.
This cycle trains your nervous system like a slot machine. You keep hoping the next interaction will bring the reward.
That is not intimacy. That is conditioning.
7. They Weaponise Your Vulnerabilities
You opened up about past trauma. You shared your insecurities. You trusted them with your fears.
Later, those same details are used against you.
They mock them during arguments. They frame your reactions as proof that you are broken. They subtly suggest no one else would tolerate you.
That is not love. That is psychological leverage.
8. You Feel Drained After Interactions
Pay attention to your emotional energy.
Healthy relationships can have disagreements, but you do not consistently feel depleted.
Manipulative dynamics leave you exhausted.
You replay conversations in your mind. You feel tense before seeing them. You struggle to relax.
Your body is working overtime to process instability.
9. Your Boundaries Are Repeatedly Tested
You say no. They push again.
You express discomfort. They minimise it.
Manipulators often test boundaries in small increments.
Each time you adjust, the line moves slightly further.
Respect does not need repeated reminders.
If your boundaries feel negotiable to them but sacred to you, something is wrong.
10. You Feel Smaller Than You Used To
This is the long term effect.
You once spoke freely. You once felt confident. You once trusted your judgement.
Now you hesitate. You overthink. You doubt yourself.
Manipulation reduces your sense of self gradually so that control feels normal.
If you look back and notice a quiet erosion of your identity, pause. That is not growth. That is shrinking.
Trust The Signal
Manipulation thrives on confusion.
It wants you doubting yourself. It wants you rationalising red flags. It wants you explaining away discomfort.
But your instincts are powerful.
If something feels wrong, investigate it. If patterns keep repeating, do not ignore them. If you are constantly unsettled, that is information.
Love does not require you to abandon your clarity.
You do not need dramatic proof to take your intuition seriously.
Sometimes the strongest evidence is how you feel when no one else is in the room.
And if you recognise yourself in several of these signs, do not panic. Awareness is the first step back to strength.
You are not weak for being manipulated. You are wise for noticing it now.
