Olalekan Adebumiti
It is a strange tension, now. And this one is hitting you up.
In real life, you hold hands. You laugh in restaurants. You fall asleep on FaceTime. You know the rhythm of his voice when he is tired. You know how he looks at you when he is proud.
But online, there is nothing.
No photo.
No tag.
No trace.
And if you are honest, that silence can feel louder than a caption ever could.
You start to scroll. You see couples celebrating anniversaries, soft launches, hard launches, dramatic declarations.
You glance at his profile and it looks like he is single, untouched, unattached. That is when the questions creep in. Is he unsure about me? Is he keeping options open? Am I just temporary?
Before you let your thoughts run ahead of reality, slow down. A screen rarely tells the full story of a relationship. Let’s look at this clearly and calmly.
1. Privacy And Secrecy Are Not The Same Thing
You have to make this distinction first or everything else becomes distorted.
A private man keeps his relationship off the internet because he keeps most of his life off the internet. He is consistent offline. His friends know about you. His family may know about you. He takes you out in public without hesitation. There is no hiding in real spaces.
A secretive man hides you everywhere. He avoids introducing you. He dodges labels. He keeps you separate from the rest of his world.
The question is not whether he posts you. The question is whether he integrates you into his real life.
If you are fully present offline, the absence of a post means far less.
2. Look At His Pattern, Not Your Insecurity
Before you personalise his silence, study his habits.
Does he post daily gym updates, selfies, nights out, random thoughts, but never you? That pattern deserves curiosity.
Or is his page dry, outdated, and barely active? Some men treat social media like an app they forget exists. They scroll. They send memes. They rarely share.
Do not measure your value against a platform he barely uses.
Your insecurity can create a narrative that does not match the evidence. Patterns tell the truth more than assumptions do.
3. Some Men Protect What Feels New
Early relationships can feel fragile. Not weak, just new.
The moment something goes public, it invites commentary. Friends start asking questions. Exes start watching. Strangers start forming opinions. Some men prefer to build quietly before opening the doors.
That instinct is not always about hiding. Sometimes it is about protecting.
The real issue is whether progress is happening. Are you growing closer? Are conversations deepening? Is commitment becoming clearer? If yes, the relationship is moving even if the internet is not.
4. A Post Will Not Fix What Is Uncertain
It is tempting to believe that one photo would calm everything inside you.
It might, for a day.
You would feel chosen. Seen. Publicly claimed. The likes would roll in. Friends would message. You would feel validated.
But validation fades quickly if the foundation underneath is shaky.
If he is inconsistent, emotionally distant, or unclear about commitment, a post will not change that. It will only decorate it.
Security is built in private. It is reinforced through consistency, effort, and honesty. A caption cannot replace that.
5. If It Matters To You, Say So Calmly
You are allowed to care.
What makes this powerful or powerless is how you communicate it. Accusations create defensiveness. Calm honesty creates understanding.
Instead of saying, “Why are you hiding me?” you could say, “It would mean a lot to me if our relationship was visible online at some point.”
That is not pressure. That is expression.
Watch his response carefully. A mature man listens. He may not agree immediately, but he respects your feelings. An immature man dismisses or mocks them.
His reaction tells you more than the post ever could.
6. Stop Competing With Highlight Reels
You are comparing your everyday reality to someone else’s edited moment.
You do not see the arguments behind the smiles. You do not see the tension before the anniversary post. You do not see the insecurity masked by filtered perfection.
Every relationship has its own rhythm.
Some couples announce after three weeks. Others wait six months. Some never post much at all and are deeply secure. Public timing does not equal emotional depth.
Focus on what is real, not what is curated.
7. Your Worth Is Not Measured In Tags
This part is crucial.
You are not more valuable because you appear on someone’s grid. You are not less important because you do not.
If he treats you with consistency, respect, and care in private, that carries more weight than any public display.
If he cannot offer clarity or commitment offline, no online gesture will compensate.
Do not let an algorithm determine your self worth.
The Real Milestone
The real milestone is not when he posts you.
It is when you feel secure without needing proof.
When you know where you stand because he shows you consistently. When exclusivity is clear. When you are integrated into his real world. When his actions leave little room for doubt.
If the relationship is progressing, the post will come naturally when he feels ready.
And if it never comes, but everything else is solid, you may realise you no longer need it.
Peace is better than publicity.
