Olalekan Adebumiti
We spend our entire lives waiting for apologies that will never come.
We wait for the parent to admit they were wrong, for the ex to admit they were cruel, for the friend to admit they were disloyal.
We hold our breath, turning blue, thinking that their apology is the key to our freedom.
But the hardest truth to swallow is that you are the one holding the master key.
We are the numerator in the fraction of our lives, the number on top that defines the value of everything below it. And often, we are the harshest judges and the cruellest jury.
We put our past selves on trial every single night at 3 AM.
We look at that younger, softer version of ourselves and we scream, “Why were you so stupid? Why did you stay? Why didn’t you speak up?”
We punish the child we used to be for not having the wisdom of the adult we have become.
We are our own undoing. And that, my friend, is why we cannot heal.
If you want to stop the bleeding, you have to stop stabbing your own ghost.
You need to whisper these five forgivenesses to the person you used to be.
1. “I Forgive You for Not Knowing Better”
You look back now, with your scars and your armour, and the red flags look like neon signs.
You hate yourself for missing them. But you have to remember: You didn’t know.
You were innocent. You were hopeful. You were operating with the information and the emotional capacity you had at the time.
You cannot judge a novice by the standards of a master.
Forgive that younger you for being blind; they were blinded by light, not darkness.
2. “I Forgive You for Giving Love to People Who Couldn’t Handle It”
It breaks you heart to think about how much of yourself you poured into leaky vessels.
You gave gold to people who only wanted copper.
You feel foolish now, like a spendthrift who wasted their fortune.
But listen to me: The fact that you loved so hard, even when it wasn’t returned, is a testament to your abundance, not your stupidity.
Forgive yourself for having a heart too big for the hands that held it.
3. “I Forgive You for Staying When You Should Have Left”
This is the one that keeps us up at night.
The wasted years. The “one more chance.” We act as our own prosecutor, listing the dates and times we should have walked away.
But leaving is terrifying. Hope is a powerful drug.
Forgive yourself for believing in potential.
Forgive yourself for being loyal to a fault.
You stayed because you had hope, and hope is a brave thing to have, even when it’s misplaced.
4. “I Forgive You for Abandoning Yourself to Keep Them”
This is the deepest cut.
The moments where you silenced your intuition, changed your clothes, swallowed your voice, and shrank yourself just to fit into someone else’s life.
You feel like a traitor to your own soul.
But you were just trying to survive.
You were trying to be loved.
Forgive that version of you who thought they had to disappear to be seen.
5. “I Forgive You for How Long It Is Taking to Heal”
We are impatient. We want to be “over it.”
We judge ourselves for still crying over a name, for still hurting over a ghost.
We think we are weak. But healing has no timeline.
You are not failing because you are still sad; you are feeling. Forgive yourself for being human.
Forgive yourself for the time it takes to rebuild a ruin.
Put down the gavel, dear. The trial is over. You are free to go.
