Olalekan Adebumiti
You have been texting your friends in the bathroom for the last ten minutes because the date is going well—maybe even too well.
You are happy, you are laughing, and you feel that rare sense of ease.
But then, the notifications start buzzing.
Your “cynical” best friend or your “expert” group chat begins feeding you a script that they think will protect you.
They tell you to play it cool, to test them, or to pull back so you don’t look too eager.
Suddenly, you aren’t in the moment anymore; you are a puppet being pulled by five different sets of strings.
You take advice from people who aren’t sitting at the table, and you start applying “rules” to a connection that didn’t need any.
You think your friends are your bodyguards, but they are actually the saboteurs of your romantic potential.
Before the main course arrives, you’ve traded your genuine joy for a set of tactics that will leave you sitting alone in a “perfect” fortress.
1. Play Hard To Get To Keep The Power
Your friends told you that if you act too interested, you’ve already lost the game.
They suggest you look at your phone, give short answers, or act like you have ten other options waiting.
You think this mystery makes you more attractive, but it actually just makes you look bored and rude.
The person across from you was excited to meet you, but now they feel like they are pulling teeth just to get a smile.
Power moves don’t build intimacy; they build walls that nobody wants to climb.
If you like them, show it, and stop listening to people who think love is a competition to see who cares the least.
2. Don’t Mention Your Real Passions Too Early
“Don’t talk about your weird hobby or your intense love for your job,” they warned you.
They told you to stay “neutral” and “safe” so you don’t accidentally scare them away.
So, instead of being the vibrant, interesting person you are, you become a beige version of yourself.
You are hiding the very things that make you magnetic in an attempt to be universally likeable.
Your friends are teaching you how to be a chameleon, not a partner.
If your “real self” scares them off, they weren’t your person anyway, so stop auditioning for a role you can’t keep up.
3. Make Them Wait For The Next Move
The date is ending beautifully, and you want to say, “I’d love to see you again.”
But your group chat’s voice is ringing in your ears: “Wait at least three days before you acknowledge this even happened.”
You decide to be cold and distant during the goodbye just to ensure you don’t seem “desperate.”
You think you are building anticipation, but you are actually just killing the momentum you worked so hard to create.
Silence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder on a first date; it just makes the other person feel ghosted.
Ignore the “three-day rule” and have the courage to be honest about the fact that you had a great time.
4. Test Them With A Made-Up Drama
One of your friends suggested you mention a “problem” or a “fake ex” just to see how they react.
They want you to run a stress test on a person you’ve known for exactly ninety minutes.
You think you are being a savvy detective, but you are actually just being manipulative and messy.
A first date is for discovery, not for psychological warfare or “shit-testing” someone’s patience.
When you lead with drama, you attract people who thrive on it and repel people who value peace.
Throw away the detective kit and try just being a human being for a change.
5. Follow The Rigid “Who Pays” Protocol
Your friends have a very specific, non-negotiable rule about how the bill should be handled.
They told you that if it isn’t handled exactly their way, you should walk away and never look back.
So, when the bill arrives and things get a little clunky, you immediately flip a switch from “attracted” to “disgusted.”
You are letting a thirty-second social awkwardness outweigh three hours of incredible conversation.
Your friends aren’t the ones paying for your missed opportunities, but they are the ones keeping you single.
Realise that everyone has different financial boundaries and one awkward moment doesn’t define a person’s worth.
6. Keep The Conversation Surface-Level Only
“Don’t get too deep, you’ll ruin the vibe,” is the classic advice from the “fun” friend.
They told you to keep it to movies, travel, and work, and to avoid anything that actually matters.
So when the conversation starts to go somewhere meaningful, you pivot back to something boring and safe.
You are preventing the very “click” that you went on the date to find in the first place.
Meaningful connection requires the risk of a deep conversation, even if it feels a bit heavy.
If you stay in the shallow end of the pool, you’ll never find someone worth swimming with.
7. Compare Them To Your Friend’s New Partner
Your best friend just started dating a “perfect” guy who does everything right, and now she’s giving you advice.
She tells you that if your date doesn’t do XYZ as her boyfriend does, he’s “low effort.”
You start looking at your date through the lens of someone else’s relationship highlight reel.
You are penalising a total stranger for not being a clone of someone else’s partner.
Every connection has its own rhythm and its own language that you have to discover for yourself.
Stop trying to live a carbon copy of your friend’s life and start living your own.
The Bitter Pill Of Borrowed Logic
The hard truth is that your friends love you, but they are often giving you advice based on their own past hurts and insecurities.
They want to protect you from being “the one who cared more,” so they encourage you to be the one who cares less. But you cannot build a great life on a foundation of “less.”
If you want a relationship that is better than the average, you have to stop taking advice from people who are settled for the average.
Trust your own gut over the group chat.
