Olalekan Adebumiti
It’s common knowledge that guidance, especially the sort found in cookbooks, often seems simpler in theory than in practice – it’s easier ‘read’ than done.
While many of us can follow a recipe to whip up an exquisite dish, mastering the art of cooking requires more than just following steps, much like nurturing a relationship.
These days, we’re bombarded with advice on social media about enhancing our relationships. From ’30-day relationship challenge’ posts to viral tweets advocating for nightly relationship check-ins, the internet is flush with suggestions on how to get closer to your partner. Eagerly, we adopt these trending ideas, hoping to strengthen our bonds.
Despite our best intentions and efforts, we often find ourselves stuck, unable to see any real progress. ‘What am I doing wrong?’ you might wonder.
I have counseled dozens of people on this subject over the past few years and am eager to share with you the key missteps I’ve identified.
1. You Might Be in a Situationship
If trying to get closer hasn’t worked, it might be because what you thought was a relationship is actually a situationship.
In situationships, connections lack clear commitments, much like trying to fuel a car with a faulty engine—it’s a wasted effort.
Before investing more time and emotions, ensure that both of you are truly committed to a future together. This realization is crucial as it sets the stage for all other relationship-building efforts.
To read: How to Know You Are in A Situationship Before It’s Too Late
2. You Did Not Customize the Advice
Applying generic relationship advice without adapting it to your unique situation can backfire, leading to frustration.
This often happens when moving from realizing you’re in a committed relationship to trying to apply broad, one-size-fits-all solutions.
Customization is key to ensuring that the steps you take are effective and appropriate for your specific relationship dynamics.
3. Your Expectations Were Unrealistic
Recognizing that you are in a true relationship doesn’t automatically solve all problems.
Unrealistic expectations about how quickly or deeply you can develop closeness can lead to disappointment, which is why it’s essential to set SMART goals.
Regular reviews and adjustments of these expectations can prevent miscommunication and ensure that both partners are aligned in their relationship journey.
To read: How to Create SMART Goals for Your Relationship
4. Adding More While Neglecting the Basics
Often, the real strength of a relationship lies in the seemingly mundane, everyday interactions rather than elaborate gestures.
This point builds on the importance of setting realistic expectations and personalizing your approach.
By focusing on basic, daily acts of kindness and communication, you can create a stronger, more enduring foundation for closeness.
Even the best intentions can falter when these basics are overlooked, making the relationship feel unstable and superficial.
5. Giving Up Too Easily
Relationship growth takes time, and a lack of perseverance can stall progress just when challenges arise.
This step often follows from neglecting the basics, as it becomes easier to feel discouraged and cease efforts when the fundamental aspects of your relationship are not solid.
6. Ignoring Individual Differences
A major reason for giving up could be a failure to appreciate and embrace how different your partner is from you.
This recognition is essential for sustaining efforts and adapting strategies that respect both partners’ unique needs and perspectives.
7. Not Celebrating The Small Wins
The journey toward closeness can become discouraging if you don’t acknowledge and celebrate small milestones.
Such celebrations reinforce the value of both partners’ efforts, building momentum and enhancing motivation to continue working toward shared goals.
Way forward?
Review the seven points above and take them as stepping stones to further enhance your closeness. Understanding these pitfalls and adjusting your approach accordingly can transform your relationship efforts. You can thank me later.
