Olalekan Adebumiti
This relationship feels easy. Maybe unlike the others.
There are no screaming matches. There is no drama.
You fit into his life like a puzzle piece he didn’t have to sand down or force.
And you are just there.
When you look at him, he’s the definition of chill.
This is what a mature relationship looks like, you say.
It’s stable, quiet and everything in between.
But sometimes, you feel a hollow ache in your chest when you’re alone without him.
You feel like a piece of furniture that’s just necessary, comfortable, but ultimately replaceable.
Deep down, you know the difference between a man who is at peace and a man who is just on autopilot.
Come closer, dear… You… are… not… being loved.
You are being used to fill a void, and I hope this doesn’t go from bad to worse.
So let’s see the 10 signs he is only with you because it is easy.
1. He Only Calls When He Is Bored
Imagine this guy never calls you when he is out having fun.
He never texts you exciting news in the middle of the day.
You hear from him on Tuesday nights when there is nothing on the telly, or Sunday mornings when he is hungover.
You are not his priority; you are his entertainment between events.
You are the filler for his downtime, and it’s as awkward as it can get.
2. You Do All The Travelling
Look at the mileage on your car or your train ticket history.
Are you always the one going to his flat?
If you stopped going to him, would he make the effort to come to you?
Wouldn’t you admit that a man who wants to see you will cross cities?
A man who finds you convenient will only see you if you land on his doorstep.
3. He Avoids Talking About Tomorrow
He is happy to talk about dinner tonight.
He might even talk about the weekend.
But if you mention a holiday in three months or a wedding next summer, he shuts down.
He changes the subject. He makes a joke. He tells you to “live in the moment.”
You guy isn’t living in the moment, darling. He just doesn’t see you in his future.
He only keeps the timeline short because he doesn’t know how long he needs you for.
4. You Plan The Dates, He Just Shows Up
You are the architect of your entire relationship.
You pick the restaurant, you book the tickets, you check the times.
All he has to do is shower and arrive.
If you stopped planning, you would stop going out.
You would just sit on his sofa watching Netflix until the end of time.
To say it as it is, that isn’t companionship but laziness on steroids.
5. He Keeps The Conversation On The Surface
Can’t believe you know his favourite football team.
I’m hoping he doesn’t support Arsenal (I support Chelsea).
You know what he likes on his pizza.
But do you know his biggest fear? Does he know yours?
He keeps things light because depth requires emotional labour.
He doesn’t want to dig deep.
He wants a partner who is fun and simple, not a partner who challenges him to be vulnerable.
And this is where it gets deeper.
6. He Vanishes When You Are Struggling
It’s always easy to be around you when you are happy and low-maintenance.
But what happens when you have a bad day at work?
What happens when you are ill?
A convenient boyfriend disappears when things get heavy.
He suddenly has a lot of work to do.
He isn’t “good with emotions.” He wants the girlfriend experience without the partnership responsibilities.
If only you would agree, I’ll label it a shame.
7. You Have Never Met His Inner Circle
You might have met a few of his mates at the pub.
But you haven’t met his parents.
You haven’t met the childhood friend who knows his secrets.
He keeps you compartmentalised.
He keeps you away from the people who matter most because he doesn’t want to explain who you are.
He doesn’t want to integrate you into his real life because he doesn’t plan on keeping you there.
8. He Is Allergies To Labels
He acts like your boyfriend, of course, this is true to an average lie detector.
He sleeps in your bed. He eats your food. But if you ask him, “What are we?”, and he gives you a speech about how he doesn’t like labels or how he wants to “go with the flow.”
He likes the benefits of a relationship, from the romance to the comfort and the support.
He just doesn’t want the commitment that comes with the title.
Claiming king but no throne, no crown and no dynasty.
9. He Never Asks For Your Advice
What happens when he has a big decision to make about his job or his life?
He doesn’t come to you. He decides, and then he informs you.
He doesn’t value your input because he doesn’t view you as a teammate.
You are a passenger in his car, and he is driving wherever he wants.
10. You Feel Lonely Even When He Is There
This appears to be the hardest pill to swallow.
You can be sitting right next to him, his hand on your leg, and feel completely alone.
You feel invisible. You feel like you are performing a role to keep the peace.
That loneliness is your intuition screaming at you, if only you would hear.
It is telling you that you are giving your heart to a man who is only giving you his spare time.
Can We Be Honest Together?
You are staying because you are scared.
You are scared that the “drama-free” ease you have now is better than the chaos of being single.
You think that if you are just perfect enough, convenient enough, and quiet enough, he will eventually wake up and realise how amazing you are.
Do not think he ever will.
You cannot love a man into caring about you.
You cannot convince someone to value you by making yourself smaller.
Being alone might be scary, but it is better than being with someone who makes you feel like an option.
You deserve to be chosen, not just tolerated.
Pack your bag. Stop driving to his flat. See if he comes after you.
And if he doesn’t? You have your answer.
