10 Reasons You Suck at Building Trust With Your Partner

You stand there, peering into the eyes of the person you love, desperately wanting to believe in the words they speak.

You yearn for that unshakable bond, where trust flows effortlessly like a calm river. Yet, too often, it feels like an elusive dream slipping through your fingers.

Building trust with your partner, despite your best intentions, seems to be a puzzle with missing pieces.

In the quiet moments when doubts creep in, you’re not alone. Trust issues are a universal challenge that can turn even the most promising relationships into rocky terrain.

It’s not that you want to suck at building trust; it’s just that sometimes, life’s complexities make it incredibly tough to keep that trust flame burning brightly.

Longing to know the reason why you suck at building trust with your partner? Then you have come to the right place.

In this post, I will be x-raying 10 reasons why you suck at building trust with your partner.

Shall we?

1. Lack of Effective Communication

Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, doubts, and insecurities, eroding trust over time.

In your quest to build trust with your partner, one colossal stumbling block you might encounter is a lack of effective communication. It’s like trying to navigate a dense forest with a faulty map.

Communication is the heartbeat of any relationship; when it falters, trust can crumble like a house of cards.

Imagine having a conversation with your partner, but the words exchanged seem to exist in parallel universes. You talk, they talk, but it’s as if you’re ships passing in the night. Misunderstandings bloom, doubts take root, and trust starts to wither.

But why does this happen?

Communication isn’t just about words; it’s about truly listening, understanding, and empathizing. It’s about letting your partner know their voice matters and their feelings are heard and valued.

Now, imagine a different scenario. You both sit down and engage in a heartfelt conversation. You actively listen to each other, asking questions, seeking clarity, and validating emotions. This, my friend, is the antidote to the communication conundrum.

Effective communication requires effort and patience. It’s about being present in the moment, putting away distractions, and making your partner feel like they have your undivided attention. It’s not just about talking; it’s about connecting on a deeper level.

So, if you’ve been struggling with building trust, take a moment to reflect on your communication habits. Are you truly hearing what your partner is saying? Are you expressing yourself honestly and openly?

Don’t forget that trust often finds its roots in the fertile soil of genuine, heartfelt communication.

2. Inconsistency

Being inconsistent with your words and actions can make it hard for your partner to trust that you’ll follow through on promises.

Inconsistency is like a leaky roof in your relationship’s house – it might not seem like a big deal at first, but over time, it can cause serious damage to the trust you’re trying to build.

Think about it: one day, you promise the moon and stars, but the next, it’s like you’ve forgotten your vows. Your partner starts wondering if they can rely on your words, and trust slowly starts to crumble.

Imagine the frustration this can cause. Your partner might feel like they’re walking on a tightrope, never quite sure if they can trust your commitments or if they’re just empty words. And in this precarious balancing act, trust becomes a luxury you can’t afford.

But the good news is consistency can be your trust-building superhero. It’s about doing what you say you’ll do, time and time again. It’s about reliability and predictability, the cornerstones of trust.

So, how do you combat this inconsistency beast?

Start small. Make promises you can keep and deliver on them consistently. Be reliable in your actions, showing up on time, keeping your commitments, or being there when your partner needs you most.

Inconsistency might be a lurking foe in your trust-building journey, but you can turn the tide with a little effort and dedication.

It’s all about showing your partner that they can count on you, that your words are as good as gold, and that trust isn’t just a word but a living, breathing part of your relationship.

3. Past Relationship Baggage

Unresolved trust issues from previous relationships can cast a shadow on your current partnership.

Past relationship baggage – it’s like carrying around a suitcase of bricks when you’re trying to fly. This baggage can be a heavy anchor on your journey to building trust with your current partner.

You’ve been hurt before, and those scars run deep. The trust you placed in someone else was shattered, and now, in your new relationship, you’re hesitant to open up fully. You build walls, keeping a part of yourself hidden.

But here’s the catch: Your partner isn’t your ex. They are a different person with their own story and intentions. Yet, the weight of your past experiences can make it challenging to give them the benefit of the doubt.

So, what can you do? It’s time to unpack that baggage.

Recognize that your past doesn’t define your present. Talk to your partner about your fears and insecurities, and let them in on your past experiences.

Transparency can help them understand your hesitations and be the first step toward rebuilding trust.

Trust is a delicate flower that needs the right environment to bloom. Addressing your past relationship baggage can create a healthier space for trust to flourish in your current partnership.

It’s not about forgetting the past but learning from it and allowing yourself to take a chance on trust once more.

4. Keeping Secrets

Hiding important information or keeping secrets can undermine trust and breed suspicion.

Keeping secrets in a relationship is like building a fortress around your heart. It might feel like a way to protect yourself, but it’s one of the fastest ways to erode trust with your partner.

When you withhold important information or hide parts of yourself, you’re essentially telling your partner, “I don’t trust you with this.” And in return, they may start wondering what else you’re not sharing.

You’ve had a rough day, and you’re struggling with something personal. Instead of confiding in your partner, you bottle it up, keeping them in the dark. Over time, they might sense something’s amiss, and their trust in your openness takes a hit.

Now, consider the alternative. Imagine sitting with your partner, sharing your thoughts, fears, and insecurities. It’s vulnerable, but it’s also the foundation of trust. When you open up, you show that you trust them enough to let them into your world, warts and all.

So, how do you tackle the secret-keeping conundrum?

It starts with honesty. Make an effort to be more transparent with your partner, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Trust isn’t just about believing in your partner; it’s about them believing in you, too, and that begins with openness and honesty.

Secrets can cast shadows on trust, but the light of honesty can dispel them. Your partner wants to be your confidant, your haven.

Give them the opportunity to earn your trust by sharing your truths, and trust blossoms in your relationship.

5. Failure to Keep Promises

Repeatedly breaking promises, whether big or small, damages your credibility and trustworthiness.

Failure to keep promises is like planting seeds of doubt in the fertile soil of your relationship watching trust wither as a result. When you consistently fall short of your commitments, trust takes a hit.

Imagine that you pledge to be there for your partner’s important event, but you’re nowhere to be found when the day arrives.

Or perhaps you promise to work on a particular issue in the relationship but let it slide. In both cases, trust begins to unravel like a thread pulled from a sweater.

Consider the flip side: Picture yourself consistently keeping your word. When you make a promise, you follow through without fail. Your partner can rely on you, and that reliability forms the bedrock of trust.

So, how can you escape the cycle of broken promises? Start by making commitments you’re certain you can fulfil, no matter how small they may seem.

Then, follow through every single time. Consistency in keeping promises isn’t just about actions; it’s about showing your partner they can trust your words.

Trust is built on a foundation of reliability. By being a promise-keeper, you’re not just enhancing your credibility but reinforcing trust in your relationship.

It’s a powerful way to show your partner that your word is your bond and your unwavering commitment to them.

6. Jealousy and Insecurity

Excessive jealousy and insecurity can lead to unnecessary doubts and strain on the relationship.

Jealousy and insecurity, my friend, are like dark clouds that can obscure the sunny skies of trust in your relationship. When these emotions take centre stage, building trust becomes an uphill battle.

You see your partner talking to someone attractive, and jealousy shoots through you. You start questioning their loyalty, and trust takes a hit. It’s like a tiny crack forming in the foundation of your relationship.

Now, consider a different scenario. Imagine feeling secure and confident in your relationship. You trust your partner’s love and commitment, and that trust allows you both to flourish individually and together.

How do you conquer jealousy and insecurity?

It starts with self-reflection. Ask yourself why you feel this way. Often, these emotions stem from past experiences or personal insecurities.

When you understand the root cause, you can begin to address these issues and work on building trust within yourself.

Communication is your ally here. Talk openly with your partner about your feelings. Share your vulnerabilities and let them reassure you.

In turn, support their efforts to build trust in you. Trust and jealousy can’t coexist for long. Choosing trust paves the way for a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.

7. Taking Trust for Granted

Assuming that trust is a given rather than something to be nurtured can lead to complacency.

Taking trust for granted is like assuming the sun will always rise. It’s beautiful, but it requires care and nurturing to thrive in your relationship.

Imagine this: In the initial honeymoon phase, trust flows effortlessly. You bask in the warmth of each other’s company, and it feels like trust will always be abundant. But here’s the catch – trust isn’t a one-time gift; it’s an ongoing commitment.

Now, consider a different perspective. What if you actively acknowledged and appreciated the trust between you and your partner regularly?

Trust becomes a living, breathing part of your relationship, not just an assumed constant.

So, how do you stop taking trust for granted? It starts with gratitude and mindfulness. Recognize and express appreciation for the trust you share with your partner.

Acknowledge their efforts in building and maintaining it. This simple act can breathe new life into your relationship.

Additionally, keep communication open. Discuss your expectations and boundaries, and ensure you’re on the same page.

8. Resisting Vulnerability

An unwillingness to open up and be vulnerable with your partner can hinder the development of trust.

Resisting vulnerability is like trying to swim with your clothes on – it might seem protective, but it weighs you down in your quest to build trust with your partner.

Picture this: You’re in a relationship but wary of opening up completely. You keep your guard up, your emotions under lock and key, fearing that vulnerability might lead to hurt or rejection. Yet, trust thrives in the fertile ground of vulnerability.

Consider this alternative scenario: Imagine baring your soul to your partner, sharing your fears, hopes, and dreams without reservation.

Vulnerability allows you to connect on a deeper level, to let your partner see the real you. It’s in these moments of authenticity that trust finds its strongest foothold.

So, how do you overcome the resistance to vulnerability?

Start by acknowledging your fears and understanding that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your courage.

Don’t forget that trust often mirrors the openness and honesty we offer. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you invite trust to flourish and your partner to do the same.

Moreover, cultivate a safe space in your relationship where vulnerability is encouraged and embraced. Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings, too.

9. Not Addressing Past Betrayals

Failing to address previous betrayals or trust violations can create a lingering distrust.

Not addressing past betrayals, my friend, is like leaving a festering wound untreated. It might scab over, but beneath the surface, it continues to cause pain and infect your trust in the present.

You’ve previously experienced a breach of trust, but you never fully confronted it with your partner. You brushed it aside, thinking time would heal the wounds. However, those unspoken hurts linger, casting shadows on your current relationship.

Now, picture yourself and your partner having an open, honest conversation about past betrayals. You address the pain, acknowledge the wrongs, and work together to understand why it happened.

It’s uncomfortable, yes, but it’s also liberating. By doing this, you lay the foundation for trust to grow again.

So, how do you tackle the issue of past betrayals? It starts with courageous communication. Sit down with your partner and discuss what happened in your past or current relationships.

Be open about how it affected you and express your desire to move forward with a clean slate.

Forgiveness plays a vital role here, too. It doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean letting go of those betrayals’ hold on your trust. It’s a powerful step toward rebuilding what was broken.

Trust can be repaired, even after betrayal, but confronting the past, understanding its impact, and choosing to move forward with transparency and forgiveness.

10. Lack of Empathy

Insufficient empathy and understanding of your partner’s feelings and needs can make them feel unvalued and erode trust.

Lack of empathy, my friend, is like trying to sail a ship without a compass. It leaves you adrift, unable to truly connect with your partner’s emotions, and ultimately, trust struggles to find its footing.

Your partner shares their deepest fears or concerns with you, and you respond with indifference or dismissiveness. It’s as if their feelings don’t matter.

In such moments, trust begins to unravel like a loosely knit sweater.

Now, picture yourself truly listening to your partner, putting yourself in their shoes, and feeling what they feel. Empathy is the bridge that connects hearts and is a powerful force for building trust.

So, how do you cultivate empathy in your relationship?

It starts with active listening. When your partner speaks, be fully present – put away distractions and give them your undivided attention. Ask questions to understand their perspective better.

Additionally, practice empathy outside of your conversations. Pay attention to your partner’s body language and emotions.

Offer support when they’re going through tough times, and celebrate their successes with genuine enthusiasm. Empathy is not just about saying the right words but showing that you genuinely care.

By nurturing empathy, you create a safe and understanding space in your relationship where trust can flourish. Your partner will feel valued, heard, and seen; in return, trust will become an unbreakable bond between you two.

Closing Remarks

Building trust in a relationship is a journey filled with twists and turns. It’s about recognizing the obstacles that stand in your way and actively working to overcome them.

You’ve explored ten common reasons why trust might be eluding you in your partnership, from communication pitfalls to unresolved past experiences.

But here’s the silver lining: acknowledging these challenges is a crucial step toward positive change.

Trust is not an all-or-nothing proposition; it’s a living, evolving aspect of your relationship that can be nurtured and strengthened over time.

As you reflect on these reasons, remember that trust is a two-way street. It’s about not only trusting your partner but also being trustworthy.

It’s about open communication, empathy, vulnerability, and the willingness to address past wounds.

Building trust is an ongoing process that requires effort, patience, and a genuine desire to connect on a deeper level.

So, take these insights to heart, my friend, and embark on your trust-building journey with renewed determination.

With time and commitment, you’ll find that trust can be a solid foundation to build a thriving, fulfilling partnership.