Rejoice Njoku
Parents know best, or at least they’re supposed to.
However, what happens when those parents become abusive towards their children? It’s a situation that nobody wants to be in, but unfortunately, it’s all too common.
The scars of abuse can last a lifetime, leaving children struggling with trauma and feelings of resentment towards their parents.
And it’s understandable for children to want nothing to do with abusive parents.
But what if there was a way to honour abusive parents?
Two wrongs don’t make a right – if your parents are abusive, it doesn’t mean you should abandon your role as a child.
It’s difficult to do, and talk is cheap, which is why, to make it easier, I have compiled a couple of things you can do if and when your parents are abusive towards you.
Show Respect
Showing respect to abusive parents can be a difficult task, but it’s important to remember that despite their behaviour, they are still your parents.
One way to honour them is by using respectful language when speaking to them, even if they’re shouting or being abusive towards you.
It can be challenging to remain calm and composed, especially in these situations, but showing respect can go a long way in de-escalating the situation.
By showing respect, you are acknowledging your parents’ position as authority figures in your life. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do, but it does mean that you are honouring the bond between a parent and child.
When you respect them, you also reduce the possibility of giving them any reason to be mean to you.
Listen to Them
Another way to honour your abusive parents is by listening to them, even if you don’t agree with what they’re saying.
It’s common instant to want to talk back and try to defend yourself when things get heated, but in a conversation with a parent who has a tendency to get abusive, it’s necessary that you try to remain calm and listen.
It’s also important to listen actively and give them your full attention.
If the conversation becomes too intense or abusive, it’s okay to set boundaries or end the conversation when you can.
Express Gratitude
Expressing gratitude towards your abusive parents may seem counterintuitive, but it can be a powerful way to honour them.
If there is anything that your parents have done for you that you appreciate, try to express your gratitude.
It could be something as simple as cooking a meal or providing financial support. Let them know that you appreciate their efforts and that you don’t take them for granted.
This can be a difficult step to take, but it can help to build a bridge between you and your parents.
By expressing gratitude, you are acknowledging that your parents have played a role in your life, despite their abusive behaviour.
It’s not that you are excusing their behaviour or saying that everything is okay, but it does mean that you are showing them respect as your parents.
Keep in Touch
Maintaining a relationship with abusive parents can be challenging; your first instinct is to get away from the abuse as far away as possible.
But if you are able to do so, it can be a way to honour them. Keeping in touch can be as simple as a phone call or a visit, but it shows that you still value the relationship with them.
By keeping in touch, you are acknowledging that your parents are still a part of your life.
If you do decide to keep in touch, try to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Share your accomplishments and milestones with your parents, and try to find common interests to talk about.
This can help to build a stronger connection between you and your parents.
Practice Empathy
Honouring abusive parents can be incredibly difficult, especially when you are dealing with the pain and trauma of their abuse.
However, one way to show respect and honour towards your parents is by practising empathy. Try to understand where their behaviour may be coming from and acknowledge that they may be struggling with their own issues.
It doesn’t excuse their abusive behaviour, but it can help you to empathize with them.
Hurt people hurt people.
It’s important to recognize that many abusive parents themselves have suffered from trauma and mental health issues, which can impact their behaviour towards their children.
By practising empathy, you can try to understand why they may be acting the way they are and not take it personally. This doesn’t mean you should tolerate or excuse their behaviour, but it can help you to heal and move forward.
Empathy can also help you to develop compassion towards your parents, which is an important aspect of honouring them.
It can be hard to find anything to be grateful for when you’re dealing with abuse, but acknowledging the pain your parents may have experienced in their own lives can help you to appreciate their positive qualities.
Parting Words
Honouring your abusive parents is a deeply personal and complex journey.
It requires acknowledging the pain and trauma that you have endured while also recognizing that your parents are human beings with their own struggles and vulnerabilities.
But you can always be the bigger person and secure your healing by honouring them regardless of what they may have done. This will also go a long way to ensure that you do not continue the cycle.
Again, do not forget that honouring your parents does not mean that you are ignoring what they have done to you.
But you have the choice to protect yourself, and by giving them their due respect as your parents, you may be able to find a way to navigate the relationship that allows for healing and growth.
Ultimately, honouring your abusive parents is a personal choice, and it’s up to you to decide what feels right for your situation.
It may be a challenging and emotional process, but the fact that you are reading this post is a sign that you are on the right track. You are not alone, and there is hope for healing and transformation in your relationship with your parents.
