Bukola Arikawe
Ah, the joy of being madly in love and knowing you’ve found your soulmate is like having a whole symphony play inside you, where each note sings a love song only you and your partner can hear.
But hold up, before you proceed to the land of cute proposal stories and shiny rings, let’s get real for a sec.
‘Cause let’s face it, you don’t want your fairy tale to turn into a sour lemonade stand, do you? No siree!
You want your love story to be an epic saga, one that withstands the test of time.
We know it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. Some things need to be sorted, puzzles to solve, and Ts to cross before you embark on this adventure called engagement.
So, before you pop that sparkling question and jump headfirst into the world of ‘forever,’ let’s take a little pit stop and talk about the stuff that matters!
Let’s look deeply into these 13 crucial things you have to sort out before sealing the deal to build that rock-solid foundation for the ‘happily ever after.’
Come along!
1. Make Every Effort to Be Good Friends
Making every effort to be good friends with your significant other can be the key to unlocking a treasure chest of happiness and understanding in your relationship.
It’s like having a built-in best friend who’s also your soulmate – double win!
Being friends isn’t about being joined at the hip 24/7 or having identical hobbies and interests. It’s about that deep connection and comfort in knowing you can be your authentic self without judgment and that unwavering support in good times and bad.
Making every effort to be friends is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and a sprinkle of patience.
So don’t sweat it if you’re not instant besties with your partner; Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know?
Bear in mind that friendship doesn’t mean you’ll never have disagreements or moments of irritation. Oh, no!
Friends can have their tiffs too, but the beauty lies in how you bounce back, hand in hand, supporting each other through thick and thin.
2. Openly Discuss Your Future Goals and Values
Having an open and honest conversation about your future together is like laying the foundation for your love fortress.
You want to make sure you’re both heading in the same direction – that your dreams intertwine, and your values align like two perfect puzzle pieces.
It’s all cool as long as you’re both willing to compromise and find common ground where your dreams can merge.
After all, a little adventure and a little nesting can make for a beautiful love story.
Note that failing to have these conversations might lead you on a different path from that of your partner, and that’s where the trouble starts.
Therefore, go ahead and spill the beans. Have those heart-to-heart talks, share your hopes and fears, and listen with an open heart to what your partner has to say.
That’s how you build a love that’s grounded in reality and destined for the stars.
3. Discuss Nature of Relationship
Discussing the nature of your relationship isn’t about putting each other under a microscope or playing detective in a crime drama.
Nah! It’s about peeling back the layers and understanding what makes your love tick.
Are you both in it for the long haul, or is it more of a casual fling? Do you share similar values and life goals, or are you paddling in different boats?
Look, I get it. These conversations can be nerve-wracking, like trying to parallel park on a busy street.
But guess what? It’s worth it!
This is the space where you can be vulnerable, where you can express your hopes and fears without judgment.
Now, don’t be scared of the tough stuff. Yeah, it’s not all rainbows and unicorns, but tackling those tricky topics will strengthen your bond like nothing else.
Talk about how you both handle conflicts, what makes you feel loved and cherished, and even how you deal with each other’s little pet peeves (we all got ’em!).
4. Assess Your Individual and Combined Financial Situations
Having a grasp on your individual spending habits and financial goals is like having a secret weapon for a harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
Before you start fretting about baring your bank accounts like an open book, remember this isn’t about judging each other’s financial choices.
Nope, it’s about understanding where you both stand financially and how you can navigate the choppy waters of budgeting and saving together.
Sure, it might seem daunting at first, especially if money talk wasn’t your favourite dinner table topic growing up.
But trust me, once you start the conversation, you’ll be amazed at how much you learn about each other’s money mindsets.
You might discover that your partner is a super-saver, stashing away every penny for that dream vacation, while you’re more of a “treat yo’self” kind of person.
There’s no right or wrong here; just a chance to create a financial game plan that works for both of you!
5. Discuss Your Career Plans and Education
Discussing your career plans and education isn’t about comparing resumes or flexing your achievements.
That’s not it at all!
It requires understanding each other’s passions, ambitions, and what lights that fire in your belly. It’s like giving your partner a backstage pass to your life goals and cheering each other on like the ultimate cheerleaders!
Discussing your career and education plans isn’t about having all the answers right away.
Life’s like a crazy rollercoaster, and plans can change faster than a chameleon changes colours! It’s simply about being open to possibilities and supporting each other through the twists and turns of life.
Go ahead and share your wildest ambitions, craziest ideas, and even your fears.
This conversation will be like a road map, guiding you towards a future where your dreams intertwine like the perfect harmony of a love song.
6. Develop a Debt Management Plan
Developing a debt management plan is like finding someone who’ll twirl you through the ups and downs of financial hurdles with grace and ease.
So, how do you achieve this epic feat? It’s all about being real and open with each other about your financial situations.
Lay it all out on the table, from student loans to credit card balances, and yes, even that spontaneous shopping spree debt.
As you both delve into your debt details, you’ll start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
You’ll come up with a plan, a strategy that works for both of you and together, you’ll tackle those debts like the superheroes you are!
It’s like writing a love letter to your financial future – you’ll prioritize which debts to pay off first, set budgets that allow for date nights and savings, and even find ways to boost your income and slash expenses.
7. Learn Conflict Resolution Skills
Learning conflict resolution skills isn’t about avoiding disagreements altogether or pretending you’re each other’s clones.
It’s about finding that sweet spot where you can communicate openly and navigate the stormy waters together. Think of it as teamwork – you and your partner against the world!
There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship; it’s about handling those hiccups with grace and a pinch of humour.
Thus, listen like your partner’s pouring out their soul through their words. Yeah, that means putting down the phone, looking them in the eyes, and truly hearing what they’re saying.
Now, don’t freak out if you don’t get it right the first time – it’s all part of the journey!
Learning conflict resolution skills is like peeling an onion; you might shed a tear or two, but you’ll discover those layers of emotional intimacy beneath the surface.
And let’s be real, sometimes you’ll need a good laugh to ease the tension. But amidst the laughter, you’ll learn to compromise, to give and take, and to emerge stronger from those little squabbles.
8. Consider Ways to Deal With Cultural and Religious Differences
We all come from beautifully diverse backgrounds; blending those cultures and beliefs can be like mixing the most fabulous cocktail ever.
Diving into a relationship with someone from a different cultural or religious background is like stepping into a whole new world of traditions and customs.
And you know what? That’s totally okay! In fact, it’s downright exciting!
Embrace those cultural and religious differences like spices in your love stew – they add richness, depth, and flavour to your relationship.
But I won’t lie, at first, you might step on each other’s toes, but with time and patience, you’ll find your harmony.
So, how do you make it work?
It all starts with curiosity and a dash of open-mindedness. Take the time to learn about each other’s backgrounds, traditions, and what makes your hearts sing.
Share your favourite cultural stories and family recipes, and listen intently to your partner’s experiences – it’s like discovering a treasure trove of love stories!
9. Evaluate Your Support Systems
Before you give or take that beautiful ring, take some time to evaluate your support systems – those magical safety nets that’ll lift you up when you need them most!
Evaluating your support systems isn’t about building a massive team of cheerleaders or hiring a squad of personal assistants.
Not at all. It’s about recognizing the people who’ve got your back – like the Avengers assembling to save the day!
These are the folks who listen to you rant about a rough day, bring you ice cream when you’re feeling blue, and give you the courage to take on the world.
They’re the ones who’ll dry your tears and offer a listening ear when the going gets tough.
Evaluating your support systems isn’t just about counting the number of friends on your Facebook list. It’s about quality, not quantity!
So, take a moment to look around and cherish those who lift you up. From your ride-or-die besties to your family who’s always got your back, these are the people who’ll be there through thick and thin.
10. Talk About Shared Interests and Hobbies
Talking about shared interests and hobbies is like peeling the layers of a delightful onion – each layer revealing new connections and possibilities.
When you converse about your hobbies, passions, and guilty pleasures, you’ll discover a whole new dimension to your connection.
So, how do you achieve this delightful feat? Simply sit down together and start chatting about the things you love to do in your free time.
As you share your interests, you’ll find that some hobbies complement each other, creating beautiful moments of togetherness.
And even if you have some interests that don’t align perfectly, that’s okay too!
When you both make time to indulge in those shared hobbies together, you’ll create lasting memories that become the foundation of your relationship.
Those shared experiences will be like stars in your love constellation, guiding you through the highs and lows of life.
11. Establish Boundaries and Expectations Regarding Social Media Use and Privacy.
Social media can be like a two-faced coin. On one part, it’s a platform to share your love story with the world; on the other, it can be a breeding ground for misunderstandings and drama.
Establishing boundaries and expectations about social media isn’t about being the social media police or having a list of dos and don’ts.
It takes being on the same page and respecting each other’s digital comfort zones.
When you set boundaries, you’re creating a fortress of trust, protecting your love from the storms of social media.
When you communicate your feelings and fears, you’re opening up a treasure chest of understanding and compassion.
Talk about what’s off-limits for sharing online, how you handle comments from that nosy family member or friend, and even how you deal with those friend requests from strangers.
12. Address Unresolved Issues From Past Relationships
Addressing unresolved issues is like putting those puzzle pieces together, creating a beautiful mosaic of healing and growth.
Open and honest communication is a way to start addressing these issues.
Share your feelings and experiences from past relationships, and listen with empathy as your partner does the same.
Addressing unresolved issues is like taking the journey to the centre of your heart – it might be a bit bumpy, but with love and patience, you’ll reach the core of healing and forgiveness.
When you both face those unresolved issues, you’re not just freeing yourselves from the shackles of the past, but you’re also creating a safe haven for your love to blossom.
You’ll build a love that’s resilient and ready to face whatever life throws your way, hand in hand, heart in heart.
13. Endeavour to Seek Family Approval
When you endeavour to seek family approval, you’re not just building bridges but creating a bond that’ll withstand the test of time.
Seeking family approval isn’t about bending over backwards or changing who you are to fit into a certain mould.
It’s showing respect, understanding, and sharing the joy of your love with those who matter most.
Family dynamics can indeed be as intricate as a maze, filled with twists and turns.
But when you make the effort to seek their approval, it’s like unravelling that maze, one step at a time, until you find that treasure of acceptance and love.
Etch it in your mind that seeking family approval isn’t about having everyone on board right away.
Sometimes, it’s like planting a seed and giving it time to bloom. But when you have the support and love of your family, it’s like having a solid foundation for your love story to grow.
Parting Thoughts
I hope you enjoyed this ‘do these 13 things first before you get engaged’ just like I did.
I’m persuaded that you’ve armed yourselves with the wisdom and courage to face anything that comes your way.
And trust me, the love that awaits you is nothing short of extraordinary!
So, don’t just let this be the end of the story – let it be the beginning of a lifelong adventure!
There’re more tales to share, more wisdom to offer, and more moments of love and laughter waiting to be unravelled as you navigate other beautiful articles on this site.
And don’t forget to drop a comment and share your own magical moments in the comment section below.
Thanks for reading.
