Olalekan Adebumiti
You don’t usually wake up one day and say, “I think I’m being gaslit.”
Gaslighting starts in small moments you brush off. Little things you explain away. Conversations you replay, then dismiss because you do not want to make something out of nothing.
You tell yourself it is probably just a misunderstanding. Maybe they did not mean it that way. Maybe you are just tired. Maybe you are reading too much into it.
And because you are trying to be fair, patient, and understanding, you give it the benefit of the doubt.
But something keeps returning.
A quiet discomfort. A sense that things are not as clear as they used to be.
Not dramatic enough to alarm you, but persistent enough to stay.
Let’s look at the early signs people often overlook as they are easy to explain away.
1. You Start Rehearsing Conversations in Your Head
Before you bring something up, you run through it first.
You adjust your words. You soften your tone. You remove anything that could be misunderstood or “used against you.”
It becomes less about expressing how you feel and more about managing how the conversation might unfold.
You are no longer just communicating. You are preparing for a response.
And that shift is subtle, but important. Does that sound A sign of gaslighting?
2. You Feel the Need to Mentally Record Everything
You begin to hold onto details more tightly than before.
Who said what. When it was said. The exact wording.
Not because you enjoy analysing conversations, but because somewhere along the line, your memory stopped feeling enough on its own.
You want to be sure. You want to be accurate. You want to avoid being told later that it never happened the way you remember.
It is exhausting to carry conversations like evidence, even if no one asked you to do it directly.
3. Your First Reaction Is to Question Yourself
Something happens, and instead of trusting your initial feeling, you pause.
You step back from your own experience and examine it as if it might be flawed.
“Am I overreacting?”
“Did I misunderstand that?”
“Maybe it wasn’t that serious.”
This does not come from nowhere.
It grows slowly, from repeated moments where your reactions were challenged enough times that you begin to challenge them yourself.
4. Conversations Leave You Feeling Off, Even When They End Calmly
You may not always argue.
In fact, some conversations end quietly. Even calmly.
But when you walk away, something does not sit right.
You feel unsettled. Slightly confused. Like something important slipped through without being properly addressed.
You try to move on, but your mind keeps going back to it, searching for clarity that never fully comes.
5. You Start Explaining Simple Things in Complex Ways
Things that used to be easy to say now require effort.
You add more context. More examples. More explanation.
You find yourself trying to “prove” your point in ways you never had to before.
And even then, it can feel like it is still not enough.
Over time, you begin to wonder if you are just not expressing yourself clearly, even when you are.
6. Their Mood Begins to Shape Your Behaviour
You start paying attention to their mood more than you used to.
Not in a caring way, but in a careful way.
If they are in a good mood, you feel more relaxed. If they are not, you hold back. You wait. You adjust.
You may not even notice when this becomes a pattern, but slowly, your behaviour begins to revolve around maintaining a certain atmosphere.
7. You Avoid Bringing Up Certain Things
There are topics you quietly set aside.
Not because they do not matter, but because you already know how the conversation might go.
You anticipate the confusion. The shift in focus. The feeling you get afterwards.
So you decide it is not worth it.
But every time you do this, a part of your voice becomes quieter.
8. You Start Leaning Toward Their Version of Events
When there is a difference in perspective, you no longer stand firmly in yours.
You hesitate.
You consider their version first, even before fully trusting your own.
You may still feel that something is not right, but you give their explanation more weight, almost automatically.
That shift does not happen overnight. It builds over time.
9. You Feel Less Clear Than You Used To
This is not always easy to describe.
It is not one moment you can point to.
It is a gradual loss of clarity.
Things that once felt straightforward now feel uncertain. You spend more time thinking, rethinking, and questioning.
You feel less grounded in your own understanding of situations.
And that feeling, even if you cannot explain it fully, matters.
When the Signs Feel Small but Persistent
None of these signs scream for attention on their own.
That is why they are often ignored.
They can all be explained in isolation. A bad day. A misunderstanding. A difference in communication styles.
But when they start to appear together, repeatedly, they begin to form a pattern that slowly shifts how you see yourself and your reality.
And that pattern is worth paying attention to.
Not with fear, but with awareness.
Because the earlier you notice these shifts, the easier it is to hold on to your sense of self before it becomes harder to recognise.
If you want to see how some of these uncertainties turn into certainty, go ahead and read this post:
