Olalekan Adebumiti
This one is harder to talk about.
Because when it comes to parents, there is already a deep foundation.
They raised you. They shaped parts of how you see the world.
For a long time, they were your reference point for what is right, what is true, what is real.
So when something feels off in that relationship, it does not just feel uncomfortable.
It feels confusing.
Because part of you still carries that early trust.
And in many homes, there is an unspoken belief.
“They know better.”
“They mean well.”
“You shouldn’t question them.”
But sometimes, what is presented as authority or care can cross into something else.
A pattern where your reality is dismissed, reshaped, or quietly overridden.
And because it is coming from a parent, it can go deeper than you realise.
Let’s walk through the signs.
1. They Rewrite Your Childhood Experiences
You bring up something from the past.
Not to accuse, but to understand. To process.
And they respond quickly.
“That never happened.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“You had a good childhood.”
Now you are not just questioning a moment.
You are questioning your entire memory of growing up.
And that can feel destabilising in a way that is hard to explain.
2. They Dismiss Your Feelings as Immaturity
When you express something, it gets reduced.
“You’re too young to understand.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“You’ll see things differently later.”
Even as an adult, this can continue.
Your feelings are not engaged with. They are brushed aside as a phase, a misunderstanding, or a lack of perspective.
And that can make you hesitate before speaking openly again.
3. They Expect Respect Without Accountability
There is an expectation.
That you should listen. That you should not challenge. That you should accept certain behaviours without question.
But when it comes to acknowledging how they have affected you, it becomes difficult.
They may deflect. Minimise. Or shut the conversation down completely.
Respect becomes one-sided.
4. They Use “We Did Our Best” to End Conversations
This phrase can be true.
Many parents do try their best.
But when it is used to close off discussion, it becomes something else.
It shifts the focus away from your experience and onto their intention.
And while intention matters, it does not erase impact.
You are left feeling like there is no space to talk about what you went through.
5. They Turn Your Concerns Into Ingratitude
You try to express something honestly.
And it comes back as this.
“After everything we’ve done for you…”
“You should be grateful.”
“You’re being unappreciative.”
Now your experience is not just dismissed.
It is framed as wrong.
And that can create guilt that keeps you silent.
6. They Compare You to a Version of Yourself That No Longer Exists
They may bring up your past.
“You’ve always been like this.”
“You were difficult even as a child.”
It creates a fixed image of you.
One that does not leave room for growth or change.
So even when you speak from a place of maturity, it is filtered through who they believe you are.
7. You Feel Like a Child Again When You Talk to Them
This is a feeling many people recognise.
You enter the conversation as yourself.
But somewhere along the way, you feel smaller.
Less certain. More cautious.
You choose your words carefully. You hold back. You avoid certain topics.
And afterwards, you may wonder why it affected you so much.
8. They Dismiss Conversations by Changing the Topic or Shutting Down
When things get uncomfortable, the conversation ends.
Not with resolution, but with avoidance.
“It’s in the past.”
“Let’s not go there.”
“Why are you bringing this up now?”
And just like that, what you were trying to express is left hanging.
9. You Feel Guilty for Even Questioning Them
This is one of the strongest emotional signs.
Even reading this may bring up discomfort.
A feeling that you should not be thinking this way about your parents.
That maybe you are being unfair.
That guilt can make it harder to see things clearly.
But questioning your experience does not mean you do not love them.
It means you are trying to understand yourself.
10. They Act Like Your Reality Needs Their Approval
You say something you experienced.
Instead of accepting that it is your perspective, they respond as if it needs to be verified by them.
“That’s not how it was.”
“You’ve got it wrong again.”
“Let me tell you what actually happened.”
Over time, this creates a quiet shift.
You begin to feel like your version of events is not complete until they confirm it.
And that is where your sense of reality starts depending on theirs.
When It Feels Complicated
This is not black and white.
You can love your parents and still feel hurt by them.
You can appreciate what they did right and still acknowledge what affected you.
Those two things can exist together.
A Quiet Permission
You are allowed to remember your experiences as you experienced them.
You are allowed to feel what you feel without reducing it.
You are allowed to grow beyond the roles that were placed on you.
Even when it comes to your parents.
And everything you have been building still applies here.
Clarity. Boundaries. Support. Rebuilding your confidence.
The relationship may carry more history.
But your need to stay connected to yourself is still just as important.
