Rejoice Njoku
Patience is a virtue. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a dozen times.
It allows partners in a relationship to navigate challenges and grow together.
However, not everybody is able to have the virtue of patience, and some people make excuses for why they do not possess this quality and are unwilling to learn it.
Unfortunately, the person who suffers is their partner. This is why I have put together this post: to help you identify these excuses and see them as just what they are.
By understanding these excuses for what they truly are, you can pave the way for a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
So, let’s debunk those excuses together, shall we?
1. “I’m Just Wired That Way”
First, let’s talk about this classic excuse that some partners throw at you. They claim that their lack of patience is just part of who they are, like it’s ingrained in their DNA or something.
But hold on a minute. While we all have our own levels of patience, it’s important to recognize that patience or impatience is not set in stone.
Sure, some people may naturally have a little less patience than others, but that doesn’t mean they can’t work on it.
Patience is a skill, just like riding a bike or learning to cook a delicious meal. And skills can be developed and improved upon with time and effort.
The danger of accepting this excuse is that you’re inadvertently allowing your partner to dodge personal growth.
By believing that their lack of patience is an unchangeable trait, you’re giving them a free pass to remain stagnant and unresponsive to your needs.
But here’s the truth: your relationship deserves better. You deserve a partner who is willing to put in the work, to strive for personal growth, and to develop the art of patience. Don’t settle for less.
Encourage your partner to challenge their excuses and embrace the opportunity for growth, not only for the sake of your relationship but also for their own personal development.
2. “You Know I Have a Short Temper”
Your partner throws it out there as if it’s a badge of honour or an inherent trait they can’t do anything about.
Well, having a short temper is not an excuse to disregard the importance of patience in your relationship and is definitely not worth boasting about!
Sure, we all have our moments of frustration and irritation. That’s just part of being human. But it’s not about the temper itself; it’s about how your partner chooses to handle it.
It’s about self-awareness, self-control, and effective communication.
Letting this excuse slide can be dangerous. By accepting it, you’re indirectly giving your partner permission to continue lashing out or acting impatiently without consequences.
It’s important for your partner to take responsibility for managing their emotions in a healthier manner.
Help your partner see the need to develop coping mechanisms, like practising deep breathing or taking a step back when they feel their temper rising.
Help them understand that patience is a vital ingredient in building a strong and harmonious relationship.
Together, you can work towards finding healthier ways to express frustration and resolve conflicts.
3. “I’m Too Busy to Be Patient”
Your partner may not outrightly say these words, but their actions show it.
Being busy is not a valid excuse for neglecting patience in a relationship.
Sure, life can get hectic. We all have commitments, responsibilities, and never-ending to-do lists.
However, patience is not something you can just shove aside when things get busy. In fact, it’s during those hectic times that patience becomes even more important.
Neglecting patience often stems from misplaced priorities.
Your partner needs to understand that making time for you and the relationship should be a top priority, regardless of their jam-packed schedule.
It’s about recognizing that relationships require effort, attention, and, yes, patience, even in the midst of a busy life.
Enough of accepting this excuse because continuing means that you’re essentially telling your partner that their busyness is more important than your needs.
It sets a precedent that your relationship can be put on the back burner whenever life gets overwhelming.
It’s crucial to have an open conversation with your partner about the importance of patience, even in the busiest of times.
Encourage them to reevaluate their priorities, find ways to manage their time more effectively, and to carve out moments of tranquillity amidst the chaos.
4. “You’re Overreacting”
We all have moments when our feelings may get the best of us. However, it’s equally important for your partner to acknowledge their role in triggering those responses.
Dismissing your feelings and concerns as an overreaction undermines the foundation of a healthy relationship.
It invalidates your emotions and can make you feel unheard and unimportant. This lack of patience can escalate conflicts, erode trust, and create a toxic cycle.
By accepting this excuse, you’re unintentionally sending a message that your feelings don’t matter, and that’s dangerous.
Your emotions and concerns deserve to be acknowledged and addressed with patience and understanding.
Your partner must learn to step back and reflect on their actions and words that may have contributed to your reaction.
This is not to say they should be picky around you, they just require more sensitivity.
It’s crucial for them to take responsibility for their part in the situation and work on cultivating patience and empathy towards your feelings.
5. “You Need to Be More Understanding”
This is blame game at its best. Your partner puts the responsibility on you, claiming that you need to be more understanding to excuse their lack of patience.
While understanding is indeed important in any relationship, it should not be used as a shield against your partner’s impatience.
Blaming you for their lack of patience is unfair and shifts the responsibility onto your shoulders. It’s a way for them to avoid taking ownership of their actions and emotions.
Here’s the truth: true understanding requires effort and open communication from both sides. It’s a two-way street.
It’s not solely your duty to be understanding; your partner should also put in the work to cultivate patience and communicate their needs effectively.
By accepting this excuse, you’re inadvertently enabling your partner to avoid personal growth.
It can create an imbalance in the relationship, where you’re constantly expected to be the one making all the concessions while your partner remains stagnant in their impatience.
Help them understand that patience is a mutual responsibility, and it’s not solely up to you to bear the burden of understanding.
Together, strive for true understanding through open communication, empathy, and shared efforts to foster patience in your relationship.
6. “I Can’t Help It When I’m Stressed”
Is your partner claiming their stress as a free pass to mistreat you? It should come to an end now.
Yes, stress can be a common trigger for impatience. We all experience it from time to time, and it can certainly take a toll on our emotions.
However, it should never be an excuse for mistreating you or disregarding the importance of patience in your relationship.
Instead of using stress as a justification, your partner needs to find healthy coping mechanisms to manage it.
There are various relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or engaging in activities that help alleviate stress.
Seeking support, whether through talking to a friend or seeking professional help, can also make a significant difference.
By letting this excuse slide, you risk normalizing a pattern of mistreatment or emotional harm whenever your partner is stressed.
It erodes the trust and emotional safety in your relationship, creating a toxic cycle that can be difficult to break.
Encourage your partner to take responsibility for their stress and find healthier ways to manage it. Together, you can explore strategies to reduce stress and cultivate patience during challenging times.
7. “You Should Know What I Want Without Me Saying It”
The perilous assumption is that you possess mind-reading abilities when it comes to your partner’s desires. They expect you to somehow magically know what they want without uttering a word.
Assuming that you can read your partner’s mind is an unfair and impractical expectation. It sets the stage for frustration, impatience, and misunderstandings.
While it’s true that familiarity in a relationship can bring about a level of understanding, and you can now complete each other’s sentences, it does not mean you should be expected to decode their every thought and desire.
Your partner needs to express their needs and concerns openly, rather than relying on silent signals or expecting you to be a mind-reader.
It’s about sharing and articulating what they want, so both of you can navigate your relationship with greater understanding.
By letting this excuse slide, you risk falling into a pattern of unmet expectations and miscommunication. It erodes the foundation of trust and can lead to growing impatience and resentment.
Encourage your partner to be open and vocal about their needs and desires. Create a safe space where honest conversations can take place.
Remember, you are not a mind-reader, and it’s not your responsibility to magically know what your partner wants. Instead, foster a culture of open dialogue where both of you can express your needs and concerns freely.
Neither you nor your partner must settle for assumptions and unspoken expectations. Embrace the power of communication, and watch your relationship thrive.
8. “Patience Is Not a Big Deal”
Well, well, if your partner says this, it seems they haven’t heard the age-old saying that patience is a virtue.
Downplaying the importance of patience minimizes its profound impact on your relationship.
Patience is not just some trivial concept to be brushed off. It is, in fact, a cornerstone of empathy, understanding, and mutual respect, which you need copious amounts of to maintain a relationship.
Think about it. Patience plays a crucial role in conflict resolution. It allows you and your partner to listen, understand, and find common ground.
Without patience, conflicts can escalate, tempers will hit the roof, trust can erode, and your relationship can suffer.
Patience also fosters a healthy connection between you and your partner. It shows that you value their feelings, their opinions, and their journey.
It creates an atmosphere of safety and understanding, where both of you can be vulnerable without fear of judgment or impatience.
By letting this excuse slide, you risk devaluing the importance of patience in your relationship. It can lead to a lack of empathy, misunderstandings, and a growing divide between you and your partner.
Remember, patience is not just a “nice-to-have” quality; it’s an essential ingredient for a thriving relationship. Don’t underestimate its significance.
“9. I’ve Always Been This Way, and You Knew It”
Newsflash: that you met them that way doesn’t mean they have to remain that way and you best let them know it.
Using their past behaviour as an excuse to justify their impatience disregards the potential for personal growth and change.
People evolve. We all have the capacity to recognize our shortcomings and actively work on improving ourselves for the sake of our relationships’ well-being.
It’s important for your partner to acknowledge that their lack of patience can have negative consequences on your relationship.
Letting this excuse slide risks accepting a stagnant and unfulfilling dynamic. It can breed resentment, and dissatisfaction and ultimately erode the foundation of your connection.
Encourage your partner to embrace personal growth and actively work on improving their patience. Remind them that their past behaviour doesn’t have to define their present or future actions.
Support them in their journey of self-improvement, and let them know that patience is a quality worth striving for.
Change is possible. Your partner can evolve and cultivate patience if they are willing to put in the effort. Don’t settle for complacency and allow past behaviour to dictate the present.
10. “I’ll Be Patient When Things Get Better”
Your partner may need a little reality check if this is their excuse for impatience.
Waiting for things to magically get better before practising patience is not a sustainable approach.
Life is full of ups and downs, and there will always be challenges along the way. Using future circumstances as an excuse to delay patience disregards the importance of cultivating it in the present.
Your partner needs to recognize that personal growth and change can happen regardless of external circumstances.
Patience is not something that is solely dependent on a perfect situation. It’s an inner quality that can be developed and nurtured regardless of what’s happening around you.
In fact, it is during difficult times that patience becomes even more crucial.
By letting this excuse slide, you risk stunting the growth of your relationship. Patience is needed precisely when things are challenging and uncertain.
It allows you and your partner to navigate through tough times with grace and understanding.
Remind your partner that relationships are not solely built on smooth sailing and sunny days. They require patience, resilience, and a willingness to weather the storms together.
By postponing patience, you miss out on valuable opportunities for growth, connection, and intimacy.
Encourage your partner to embrace patience as a constant companion, even when things are tough.
Parting Thoughts
It’s time to stop accepting excuses when it comes to your partner’s lack of patience. You deserve a relationship built on understanding, empathy, and mutual respect.
By addressing these excuses head-on, you can create a space where patience can flourish and strengthen your bond.
Remember, patience is not just a passive trait; it is an active choice and a valuable skill that can be developed and nurtured.
Don’t let your partner dismiss their impatience with excuses that undermine personal growth and prevent the cultivation of a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
By challenging these excuses and encouraging your partner to take responsibility for their actions, you pave the way for positive change.
It may not always be an easy journey, but the rewards are worth it
