Bukola Arikawe
In the rollercoaster of life, partners are meant to be the safety harness that holds us steady through the twists and turns.
They’re the ones who cheer us on from the sidelines, lift us up when we stumble, and celebrate our victories as if they were their own. It’s like having a teammate for life, someone who’s got your back through thick and thin.
But what happens when that support wanes? When the cheers turn into silence, and the lifts become empty promises and worn-out excuses?
When we accept these excuses, we’re allowing our own needs and dreams to take a backseat, as if they were mere inconveniences.
It’s time to take a closer look at those all-too-common excuses we tend to accept when our partner falls short on the support front.
Get ready to say goodbye to those flimsy excuses and redefine what being supportive in a relationship means.
Come along!
1. Stress and Busy Schedules
Life can be overwhelming at times. Deadlines are looming, responsibilities are piling up, and it feels like there aren’t enough hours in the day.
But let’s be real for a moment. How many times have you found yourself using stress or busyness as a convenient shield when it comes to being supportive of your partner?
Let’s peel back the layers of this excuse, shall we?
Stress and busyness are indeed valid experiences, but they shouldn’t be the go-to card that trumps your role as a supportive partner.
When we prioritize our own stress and busyness over our partner’s needs, we unintentionally create a wedge in the relationship. It’s like saying, “Sorry, but my stress is more important than your struggles.”
Ouch. That’s not the message we want to send, is it?
It’s time to challenge the belief that being stressed or busy absolves us of our responsibility to support our partner. Instead, let’s view it as an opportunity for growth and connection.
Yes, it may require some juggling, compromises, and creative problem-solving, but trust me—the rewards are worth it.
2. Not Good at Expressing Emotions
Expressing emotions is like learning a new dance move – it takes practice and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone.
There are countless ways to communicate emotions without uttering a single word. A warm hug, a gentle touch, or even a goofy grin can speak volumes.
Sometimes, it’s the little gestures that carry the most profound meaning.
So, instead of expecting your partner to suddenly transform into a master of emotional expression overnight, embrace the subtle cues they offer.
Emotions are like a colourful palette, and we all paint our own masterpieces.
Your partner may not be fluent in the language of emotions, but they can still learn to pick up the brush and add their unique strokes to the canvas of your relationship.
Encourage open conversations, create a safe space for vulnerability, and celebrate the small wins along the way.
In the end, it’s not about achieving perfection in emotional expression; it’s about finding a connection that resonates with both of you.
3. Difficult Childhood Experiences
Understandably, it’s not easy to move past the scars of the past. Those wounds can linger, shaping our behaviours and reactions.
Notwithstanding, here’s the beauty of growth: it’s an ongoing journey, and we have the power to evolve beyond our past experiences.
Using a difficult childhood as a reason for lacking support perpetuates a cycle of hurt and hinders the healing process for both you and your partner.
Your partner is not responsible for the pain you endured in your past. They are a separate soul, deserving of their own support and understanding.
Breaking free from the chains of your childhood experiences opens up space for growth, empathy, and deeper connection within your relationship.
It’s an opportunity to rewrite the narrative and create a safe haven where both of you can find solace and support.
4. Not the Supportive Type
Support comes in various shapes and sizes. It’s not always about being the cheerleader with pom-poms in hand.
Sometimes, support is the gentle reassurance when you doubt yourself, the listening ear when you need to vent, or the helping hand when you’re overwhelmed.
Your partner might not fit the traditional mould of what you think a supportive person should be, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be there for you uniquely.
Think about it: support is like a secret recipe passed down through generations. Each person adds their own twist, and ingredients, creating a flavour that’s distinct to them.
So, if your partner isn’t the type to shower you with grand gestures or motivational speeches, they might be the one who silently works behind the scenes, providing stability, or the one who shows their support through actions rather than words.
It’s time to let go of the rigid expectations and redefine what being supportive means in your relationship.
5. Having Personal Problems or Challenges
Personal problems and challenges can hit hard, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and consumed by our own struggles.
On the contrary: even amidst the chaos of our own lives, we have the capacity to be supportive partners.
When we prioritize our own problems above our partner’s, we become self-centred dancers, stepping on our partner’s toes and disregarding their need for support.
That wouldn’t be the kind of dance we want, is it?
Being a supportive partner doesn’t mean neglecting your own problems but finding a balance. It means acknowledging that your partner’s struggles are just as important as your own, and that together, you can lighten the load.
6. Financial Support Is Enough
Sure, financial support is important. It pays the bills, puts food on the table, and ensures a roof over your head. But let’s not forget that relationships thrive on more than just material comforts.
Emotional support, understanding, and being there in times of need are the intangible treasures that truly strengthen the bond between partners.
Money can’t replace the warmth of a heartfelt conversation, the comfort of a reassuring hug, or the joy of shared laughter.
Financial stability is essential, but it shouldn’t be the sole marker of support in a relationship.
It’s like having a fancy sports car but neglecting to put fuel in the tank. You need both the material and emotional elements to create a well-rounded, fulfilling partnership.
So, embrace the power of emotional support and watch your relationship flourish into something far more valuable than what any bank account could ever hold.
7. Being There in Other Ways
Support is not a multiple-choice question with one correct answer. It’s not a matter of “either/or.” It’s a nuanced symphony where every instrument plays a vital role.
When your partner claims to be there for you in other ways, digging deeper is essential.
Are they truly meeting your emotional needs? Are they actively listening, empathizing, and offering a helping hand?
At times, we become entranced by the illusion of “other” ways. We focus on the tangible gestures and the material acts while overlooking the deeper emotional connection we crave.
Yes, financial support or practical assistance can be valuable, but they’re not substitutes for genuine emotional support. It’s like serving a delicious meal on a plate with a crack in it—the experience is incomplete.
Let’s challenge the notion that being there in other ways suffices as a substitute for emotional support.
A true supportive partner understands the importance of being present, holding your hand through life’s ups and downs and offering a shoulder to lean on when you need it most.
8. Different Love Languages
Love languages are like diverse flavours in a buffet. Some prefer words of affirmation, while others crave acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or receiving gifts.
It’s like navigating through a menu with options that make your heart flutter.
But what happens when your partner’s love language doesn’t align with yours? It’s time to unlock the secret to cracking the code.
Language barriers can be overcome with patience, practice, and a genuine desire to communicate.
So why should love be any different?
Take the time to learn each other’s love languages, decode the signals they send, and discover the unique ways they express affection.
Instead of using the excuse of “different love languages” as a roadblock, let it be an invitation to embark on a journey of understanding.
9. Always Been This Way and Not Ready to Change
Virtually everyone has their quirks and idiosyncrasies, but that doesn’t mean we’re incapable of change.
Think of life as a grand adventure—a journey filled with twists, turns, and unexpected transformations. We grow, we evolve, and sometimes, we surprise ourselves with the person we become.
Change can be uncomfortable and challenging. It’s like trying on a new pair of shoes that pinch at first but gradually mould to fit your feet.
Your partner may have developed patterns of behaviour over time, but that doesn’t mean those patterns are set in stone.
With self-awareness, willingness, and a dash of courage, growth is within reach.
Change begins with self-reflection. Encourage your partner to explore their fears, insecurities, and the reasons behind their resistance to change.
10. Not Interested in Partner’s Pursuits
We’re all unique beings with our own quirks and passions. You might find yourself fascinated by art, while your partner can’t draw a stick figure to save their life.
Or perhaps you’re a sports fanatic, while your partner prefers curling up with a good book. Different strokes for different folks, right?
But guess what? Support doesn’t always mean having an identical checklist of hobbies. It’s about embracing and encouraging each other’s individuality, even if your interests don’t align perfectly.
Your partner may not be as enthusiastic about your pursuits, but that doesn’t mean they can’t cheer you on from the sidelines.
Support is like a multifaceted gem, with each facet representing a different aspect of your relationship.
It’s amazing when your partner shares your passions, but it’s equally beautiful when they actively listen to your stories, ask questions to learn more, or even surprise you with thoughtful gestures related to your pursuits.
So, don’t let the excuse of “not interested in your pursuits” deter you from pursuing your dreams.
Share your triumphs, struggles, and tiny victories along the way.
Closing Remarks
Relationships are like delicate ecosystems, thriving on the nourishment of love, support, and understanding.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of accepting excuses and settle for less than we deserve.
But don’t ever forget that you are worthy of unwavering support, and your heart deserves a partner who understands that.
So, discard these excuses like worn-out clothes and make room for a new wardrobe of support, empathy, and love.
You deserve a partner who lifts you up, champions your dreams, and stands by your side through thick and thin.
Kindly share your thoughts in the comments below, and let’s continue the conversation.
Thanks.
