Olalekan Adebumiti
We live in a time where help is everywhere. If you need advice, you can find it in seconds.
If you need community, there are thousands of people who understand what you are going through.
If you need guidance, there are voices, platforms, and resources ready to respond.
You can literally raise your hand, and someone will reach back.
And yet… So many people still go through this alone.
Not because help is unavailable. But because something inside them holds them back.
Sometimes it is doubt.
Sometimes it is fear of being misunderstood.
Sometimes it is loyalty to the very person hurting them.
Sometimes it is the quiet belief that “maybe it is not that serious.”
So they endure. They cope. They manage.
They do everything except get support.
But here is something to think about.
If you were physically injured, you would not stop at just stopping the bleeding.
You would not say, “At least it is not getting worse,” and leave it there.
You would seek proper care. You would allow healing.
Emotional wounds are no different.
Stopping the confusion is one thing.
Healing from it is another.
And healing rarely happens in isolation.
So walk with me as we talk about how to actually get support, even when it feels difficult.
1. Admit to Yourself That You Need Support
This is the first step, and it is often the hardest.
You may feel like you should be able to handle it on your own.
You may tell yourself, “I just need to think this through,” or “I’ll figure it out.”
But gaslighting is not just confusing. It is disorienting.
It affects how you think, how you feel, and how you trust yourself.
Admitting you need support is not weakness.
It is clarity.
2. Stop Minimising What You’re Experiencing
You may have already downplayed it.
“It’s not that bad.”
“Other people go through worse.”
“Maybe I’m just overthinking.”
These thoughts can keep you silent longer than necessary.
Your experience does not need to meet a certain level of severity to deserve support.
If it is affecting you, it matters.
3. Choose Safe People, Not Just Available People
Not everyone will understand.
And that is okay.
The goal is not to tell everyone.
The goal is to tell the right people.
People who listen without rushing to dismiss you.
People who do not immediately take sides without hearing you.
People who allow you to speak without making you feel smaller.
It could be a friend, a mentor, a counsellor, or even a support group.
Safety matters more than proximity.
4. Say It Out Loud, Even If It Feels Messy
You may not have the perfect words.
You may not even fully understand what is happening.
That is fine.
You do not need a polished explanation.
You can start with something simple.
“Something has been happening, and I feel confused.”
“I don’t fully understand it, but it doesn’t feel right.”
Speaking it out loud does something important.
It brings your experience out of your head and into a space where it can be seen clearly.
5. Allow Yourself to Be Validated
This can feel unfamiliar.
Especially if you have been in a space where your experiences were constantly questioned.
When someone listens and says, “That doesn’t sound right,” or “I understand why that affected you,” it may feel strange at first.
You may even resist it.
But allow it.
Because validation is part of rebuilding trust in yourself.
6. Use the Tools Available to You
Support does not only come from people you know personally.
There are resources everywhere now.
Online communities. Educational content. Professional support. Counselling services.
Social media, when used intentionally, can connect you to people who have experienced similar things.
You are not as alone as it may feel.
But you do have to take the step to reach.
7. Take the Courageous Step, Even If It Feels Small
You do not need to do everything at once.
You do not need to tell your entire story in one sitting.
Start small.
Send a message.
Have one conversation.
Ask one question.
Courage in this context is not loud.
It is quiet, steady, and intentional.
When You Stop at Just “Coping”
There is a difference between coping and healing.
Coping helps you get through the moment.
Healing helps you move beyond it.
If you have been managing, adjusting, and enduring, you have already shown strength.
But you deserve more than just getting by.
You deserve clarity, peace, and a restored sense of yourself.
And that is much harder to reach alone.
A Gentle Truth
You were not designed to carry confusion in silence.
You were not meant to question your reality without support.
And you do not have to keep doing this by yourself.
Help is not far away.
But it does require something from you.
A step.
Even a small one.
Next, we move into something deeply personal:
How to Rebuild Your Confidence After Being Gaslit.
Because once you begin to receive support, the next step is learning how to trust yourself again.
