Olalekan Adebumiti
We all know one of them.
She isn’t necessarily the prettiest woman in the room. She isn’t the richest.
She certainly isn’t the one trying the hardest.
Yet, she is the one who always seems to be cherished.
Men don’t just date her; they court her, and move mountains for her.
And she accepts it all with a calm, maddening grace, as if it is simply the weather.
You look at her and wonder what her secret formula is.
You wonder what game she is playing.
But the trick is… she isn’t playing a game.
This lady is operating from a completely different set of beliefs about what she deserves.
Isn’t she lucky? No! She… is… self-possessed.
Today, I’ll introduce “Smartinie” to you. It’s the best way I can describe ladies like her.
The 10 habits of the woman who always gets the relationship she wants, and how you can adopt them today.
1. She Never Auditions For The Role
You spend dates trying to prove you are the “Cool Girl.”
You pretend to love football, you pretend you don’t have needs, and you laugh at jokes that aren’t funny. You are auditioning, dear.
Guess what? Smartinie doesn’t audition.
She shows up as her authentic self with the flaws, quirks, and all.
She operates on a simple premise: if he doesn’t like who she really is, he is simply the wrong audience.
She doesn’t try to twist herself into a pretzel to fit his mould.
Imagine the “Herdacity!”
2. She Believes Him The First Time
When a man tells you, “I’m not ready for a relationship right now,” you hear, “Try harder to convince me.”
You treat his emotional unavailability as a project.
When a man tells Smartinie he isn’t ready? She believes him.
She doesn’t take it personally; she takes it as data, and data, they say, is power.
She respects her time too much to waste it waiting for potential to turn into reality.
She wishes him well and walks away as a real queen would.
3. She Is Comfortable With The Silence
Anxiety hates silence.
When there is a lull in conversation, you panic. You babble.
You ask silly questions just to keep the energy moving.
You do all the heavy lifting.
This one here is comfortable sitting in the quiet.
She knows that silence creates a vacuum, and if she leans back, he will lean forward to fill it.
She lets him do the work.
She knows her presence is enough, and she can bank on that all day.
4. She Keeps Her World Full
You clear your schedule the moment he texts.
You cancel plans with friends just in case he wants to see you.
You make him the sun, and you become the planet orbiting him.
Smartinie has a life that was full before he arrived, and it stays full after he arrives. She has passions, friends, and plans that have nothing to do with him. She isn’t playing hard to get; she is hard to get because she is busy building her own empire.
5. She Doesn’t Compete With Other Women
Unlike Smartinie, you scan the room to see who is prettier, younger, or thinner.
You get jealous of his female colleagues.
You view other women as threats to your security.
What does she do instead?
She views other women as allies or irrelevant.
She knows that her value is unique.
She knows that if he wants to be with someone else, he is free to go.
She doesn’t guard him like a prison warden because she knows you cannot keep a man who wants to leave.
6. She Sets Boundaries, Not Rules
You try to control him with rules: “You can’t talk to her,” or “You have to text me every hour.”
That is insecurity masquerading as standards, and yours is as low as quicksand.
Smartinie sets boundaries for herself.
She doesn’t tell him what to do; she tells him what she will tolerate.
“I don’t date men who disappear for days at a time.”
It is then up to him to meet that standard or lose access to her.
A queen and more, I stan.
7. She Allows Him To Be A Man
You try to micromanage everything.
You plan the dates, you fix his CV, you remind him of his mother’s birthday.
You mother him because you don’t trust him to lead.
Smartinie steps back. She allows him to make plans.
She allows him to make mistakes.
She gives him the space to step up and be a partner.
She knows that if she does everything, she leaves no room for him to do anything.
8. She Handles Conflict With Grace, Not Drama
When you are hurt, you explode.
You send paragraph-long texts.
You give the silent treatment. You want him to feel your pain.
Smartinie communicates directly.
She says, “I felt disregarded when you did that,” and then she waits for his response.
She doesn’t use conflict to punish him; she uses it to solve the problem.
If he refuses to solve it, she doesn’t scream. She re-evaluates his place in her life with precision.
9. She Validates Herself
You wait for his text to tell you you’re pretty.
You wait for his approval to feel good about your career.
Your mood is entirely dependent on his attention.
Smartinie brings her own weather.
She knows she is valuable whether he texts back or not.
She enjoys his compliments, but she doesn’t need them to survive.
Her cup is already full; he is just the cherry on top.
10. She Isn’t Afraid To Walk Away
This is her superpower.
You stay because you are afraid you won’t find anyone better.
You stay because you have invested time.
Smartinie knows that the ability to walk away is the only true negotiating power you have.
She loves herself more than she loves the idea of a relationship.
Because she is willing to lose him, she never acts out of desperation. And ironically, that is exactly why he fights so hard to keep her.
The Reality Check
You don’t become this woman by buying a new dress or changing your perfume.
You become this woman by changing your mind.
You have to decide, right now, that you are the prize.
You have to stop asking, “Does he like me?” and start asking, “Is he good enough for me?”
It feels arrogant at first. It feels unnatural.
But the moment you stop auditioning for the role of his girlfriend is the moment you actually get the part.
Straighten your back, dear. You have work to do.
And I wish you all the best.
