If I would ask you what part of your relationship is the most important, what would be your answer?
Don’t rack your brain. Here’s the answer…
IT IS… OPENNESS!
A twin brother of Honesty!
Yea, that’s it….
Openness is the most important part of a relationship.
Sad enough, people often neglect this.
Little wonder, there are relationships with hidden stuff than a bank’s strong room.
Are you ready to know more about openness in a relationship? Follow me….
First of all, let me share a little flaw of mine.
My first relationship lasted for three years. She died few months before our wedding plan.
Within those three years, I didn’t tell her a single lie.
Awh! You think that’s impossible because you’re of the opinion that *anyone who doesn’t tell their partner any lies doesn’t have respect for their heart?*
Is that your school of thought?
Then I am praying for you to never get caught. Getting caught means you will not be trusted like you once were.
Let me continue the truthful path of mine….
I wouldn’t be inside the room and say, I’m on my way out.
Which other examples?
I wish I know many of these lies people tell. You know, right?
I detest all of them!
I only had a single version of everything I did. No hidden agenda. No hidden emotions. No hidden plans.
I never wanted to give any room for mistrust or doubt. I never wanted to hear her say, *I don’t believe you or you are lying*.
And the very day she did try it, she wished she never opened her mouth to doubt me. Smiles.
I just never wanted to be every normal guy out there – nothing stops you too!
As you would guess, I did everything rightly?
Because of my relationship with women, I remember romancing two separate ladies. (Palms meet face). Though I didn’t sleep with any, not even her.
Back then, the deal was… She would ask me anything about my moments away from her.
It went thus: whenever we met, she would ask direct questions like, did you kiss any lady, romance or sleep with any?
I would answer “yes” if it happened and explained my stupidity. It’s stupidity!
Hey, those few stupid acts of fornication (romance is fornication) really sowed enough seeds of mistrust into her heart until I was able to make myself trustworthy again.
NOTE: The fact that anything will soil your reputation doesn’t mean you will hide it. Don’t hide your flaws from your partner, it will poison your loyalty to them. If you hide your flaws, chances are, the same will happen on many occasions again. You know what that means?
You will build enough reasons to have the worst relationship ever.
After confessing my errors, she just had to forgive me and we’d talk it out, warning me never to let it happen again.
After the second count, she vowed to break the relationship if I would ever let it happen again and we devised more strategy to help.
This time, I was going to tell her my moves, especially the ones that require meeting any lady.
And, that was how I was able to help it.
Before I started my present relationship, I had to give a breakdown of how my life went since I was born. There was nothing I remember that I didn’t tell her.
She did the same.
The reason is not far-fetched: we can trace how our lives have been and what we expect to have in the relationship.
You need to do the same.
Wait! It’s lovely if the person is someone you are proud you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
If he/she is just one of those trial and error candidates of relationships, I don’t think openness will help.
Hint: Go into a relationship when you are ripe enough for it. I never planned to have two relationships. I waited for the right time and it was worth it.
Embrace the same mindset.
Now, let’s talk about Openness in a relationship!
So, what guides Openness in a relationship? Why should it be practiced and what happens when it’s not in place?
Let’s pick it one after another.
THE IMPORTANCE OF OPENNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP
With no gainsay, any relationship that embraces Openness will have endless possibilities to having a long lasting romantic experience.
By embracing openness in a relationship, there’s no hidden place for unsolved puzzles about your lives. When you two are open, you know each other’s frailties first-hand and the need to help yourselves surfaces.
If you have any inhibitions, let it out and then you can tell if your partner is capable or not, to help.
Besides, why would you hide a part of you, thinking they won’t find out? If they do find out behind your back, you should know what that will cost you!
Note: a partner to whom you open up all your frailties and flaws, would trust you even if they are hiding a part of theirs from you.
As a matter of fact, don’t expect an outstanding success in your relationship when one of you isn’t doing their part as far as Openness is concerned.
WHY EMBRACE OPENNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP?
Even if your lives are the worst ever, with openness, you know exactly where to improve on.
You wouldn’t have the cause to believe a second version of what your lover says.
Doing that will squeeze the life out of your relationship in no time.
On top of that, you can be vouched for, anytime!
WHAT’S THE DEFEAT OF OPENNESS IN A RELATIONSHIP?
The defeat is this: anyone trying to be opened to you expects you to help. If they keep on telling you about their flaws, errors, frailties and inhibitions and all you do is just to listen without striving to help but using it against them when you quarrel, I’m afraid you can’t have a successful relationship.
Yea, I mean that!
If you’ve got the shape of a mature man without the heart and knowledge to back it up, I’m afraid you need to take a break and go learn about relationships.
Real men should be able to proffer solutions – great ones – to help their partner’s inhibitions.
You need to help her life, her career… Help every area of her life!
And to the female folks….
Don’t sit there just thinking that a man doesn’t need you to be better. They do.
It’s your duty to search out areas you can help in or, at least, ask in a lovely way.
If he appears too perfect, then your presence in his life is just for a season. Every man needs help; that’s why a woman is called a “help meet”.
HOW TO KEEP OPENNESS GOING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
It’s understandable that no one is an island of knowledge.
So, you are not expected to solely help them out on each count. You might only need to source for help from trusted persons and just tip it in.
CAUTION: Never discuss your partner with anyone that will only use it against them. In fact, you can anonymize their name.
Just tell it as a scenario without mentioning the person’s name or find a trusted person as a mentor.
NOTE: You need a mentor, even in your relationship.
Learned something? Go practice it!
*Make sure your relationship embraces openness. If it doesn’t, it’s not a relationship.
*Make sure you are mature enough to handle your lover’s frailties or they will begin to share it with someone else.
Sharing it with someone else means your stay in their heart is just for a period.
*To enhance the practice of openness in your relationship, make sure you prove yourself worthy to help.
Remember, if you can’t help me a little, you can’t help me much.
And when you are told of any error, mistakes or inhibitions, make sure you strife to help.
Do those and watch your relationship blossom.
Thanks for your time.
Do you love what you just read about openness in a relationship?
Then help share it. I’ll be grateful.