Almost every day, you see or hear people ask questions like, “How to handle stress in a relationship, How to deal with stress in a relationship, How to overcome stress in a relationship or how to manage stress in a relationship.”
While so many are already stressed out in their relationships, some are looking for ways to stop being stressed as some others are looking for ways to be stress-free in their relationships. With a confused notion, some begin to question if it’s a norm to be stressed or if it’s ever possible to be managed, or be relieved from the grip of stress in their relationships.
And here you are, maybe wondering how a one-off answer can be provided for the agelong inquisition.
You won’t be disappointed… So be ready to get the best, guaranteed.
First of all… Let’s talk about love.
And… finally, you’ve found someone you can call your own. Without any doubt, the connection is nothing but divine. Life has been fair to you is all you can say and you can vow to celebrate the streaks that come with the relationship – until the end of time.
In addition to the never-ending feelings, by estimation, your lover is the best partner you can ever find even if you’re permitted to search the whole world. Your lover has got all that pertain to awesomeness and your shadow can testify to that. The tickling effects that their face and each word from them bring is enough to frolic about all day…
To say it as it is, heaven has smiled on you and sure have blessed you with someone you can call your own. This time, love is everything to you… Love is everything you can think of… Everything you want to hear, sing and laugh about throughout your days.
The affection began to grow and you were enjoying every bit of it…
But not long after, normalcy called! You suddenly found yourself in a rut and wouldn’t just know the next thing to do. Little by little, the affection is beginning to wane off, your commitment to building the best relationship ever is starting to nosedive. This time, all you’ve held dear were tearing you apart and you just wish you could turn back the hand of time; or better still, you wish you never started the so-called journey into the land of bliss.
No matter what option you want to consider, you know it’s time to call a spade a spade!
Deep down, really, you wish you’ll have a problem-free relationship… You wish every conversation would take you a step further into the “down the aisle journey”, wish every meeting would make the best of moments even beyond the festivity on your wedding day. Or if you’re married, you’d wish the best of miracle would happen such that will place you on the pedestal you once were; you wish you would just keep the spark in your marriage alive.
With every fibre in you, you know that calling it quit isn’t worth a consideration. And now you can’t count how many times you have sighed, even if it never helped.
Wait, dear… Should I say you’ve been stressed? If you say yes, I know how it feels.
So let’s talk about stress, how it affects an individual life and how that graduates into making a mess of a relationship (whether it’s romantic or not).
Are you still there?
Then, let’s go.
What is Stress (in a Relationship)?
Psychologically, stress is a state of mental or emotional strain. It means your mind has been stretched beyond its capacity. Stress is a difficulty that causes worry or emotional tension. Stress is what causes that unthinkable reaction towards a simple action. It’s the reason you are burned-out and always want to feel like being in a world of your own. Stress could also be the reason behind the constant breakdown you have. And also, could be the reason you’re always tired of everything around you. With the presence of stress in a life or a relationship, peace and romance can never be guaranteed. All aspect of one’s life will suffer the effects. Misunderstanding will rife.
If you don’t have a firsthand knowledge of stress management in relationships, stressful moments in your relationship can cause you a chunk of happiness, can break down your nervous system, create more problems than romance, can lead you into depression and can ultimately cause a break-up and ruin your relationship.
Is Stress Normal in a Relationship?
So, is it normal to have stress in a relationship? Wait… Should I say yes? Or I should say no?
If I had said yes, you’ll want to use it as a ground to cover up your frailties. And if I had said no, you would want to use it to debunk any claim of stress from your partner. Yea!
So my answer is? Yes and No!
Here is it: stress could be inevitable since it’s not what we can always ward off. It’s alarming how the society we live in, our environment, our places of work, families are friends are the sources of our daily stress. The people we trust most with our time and emotions are the same people that pose a threat of stress to us. Whenever stress extends its filthy hands towards us, our immediate family and friends should be our succor; instead, they are the ones who heighten the dealings of stress upon us. I sigh.
Don’t forget that you can be the source of the stress in your partner’s life. And, you know, not everyone has got the mental capacity to endure the stresses and strains of life.
When you are exposed to stress, it’s normal to bring up a reaction against what your partner would expect – that’s how resentment is being built up; that’s how quarrels are being triggered! When this stress comes from any source, whether internal or external, and you let it rub off on your relationship – of course, it will – there’s no word that can help describe its effect. Sad enough, many marriages and relationships can’t just help find a way to deal with it when it comes.
Ideally, a supportive and understanding partner can be all the help that one needs during those daunting times. When people have learnt to stay and grow together in times of challenges, peace is ascertained.
Permit me to say that no one has immunity to stress. We all need to learn how to fight it whenever it comes. And when it’s managed effectively, the result helps deepen romance in a relationship. You can’t beat that!
If only people would be willing to help the other person when trouble comes, no word can describe the joy that will come from the adventure.
If only we’ll be willing to manage or relieve stress together with our partner, won’t the world be a better place?
We need to know that the more we are willing to help the other person get over a moment of emotional struggle in a relationship, the stronger the cord of love that holds us together becomes.
You need to be such that can be trusted to help in trying times!
What are the causes of stress in a relationship?
Like I’ve said above, our environment, the society we live, etc., are potential causes of constant stress in relationships. The boss at work wants to use you as they would a rag since they assume that the money they pay you – I call it pittance – is enough to use you as a robot. In the cycle of friends, everyone wants to be right. The family members are there with their portion of menace.
Everywhere one turns looks like a mental snare. As if that’s not enough, the only person we think should help is the worst of them all; you know who that is? Your lover!
You need to see how people are being selfish these days. As an internet marketer and a blogger, I have access to what people search online on a daily basis. To know that many people want to be loved than they want to love is unimaginable. And when selfishness is always the order of the day, expect someone to be the victim of its dictates – that could be anybody.
Within my few years online, I’ve seen nothing but untold selfishness in play. For you to be sure that I know what I’m talking about, see the picture below for what people search for on a monthly basis.
How to make my boyfriend love me more is searched 880 times in a month.
How to love my boyfriend more is searched 90 times in a month.
How to make my husband love me more is searched 480 times in a month.
How to love my husband more is searched 70 times in a month.
How to make my girlfriend love me more is searched 480 times in a month.
How to love my girlfriend more is searched 40 times in a month.
How to make my wife love me more is searched 40 times in a month.
How to love my wife more is searched 40 times in a month.
How to make him love me more is searched 720 times in a month.
How to Love him more is searched 140 times in a month.
How to make her love me more is searched 90 times in a month.
How to Love her more is searched 50 times in a month.
So what does that picture above tells you? Here is the commentary on the picture. And for you to know, the information inside that picture is real, you need to believe it. If you want to know how I came about that picture, see this page.
What are the symptoms of stress in a relationship?
When your communication begin to turn into a tussle and you just can’t say a word and expect to get a better reply nor can you agree on the smallest of matters; when your partner is the last person you want to talk to concerning a matter… Begin to suspect stress. And, mind you, you might be the source of the stress. You need to be 100% sure you are not the source before you can point accusing finger at the other person.
How much stress is too much in a relationship?
I have asked people who asked, “How much of stress is okay for a relationship?” If I may ask, “How much of a “leak” is enough to sink a boat?” Ideally, the degree of stress doesn’t matter in a relationship; what matters is how we deal with it as it comes: if we can curtail it we will enjoy its result, and if not depression can’t be negotiated.
In case you don’t already know, I’ll like to tell you that stress – no matter how small you think it is – can increase one’s blood pressure if not well managed. And I’m sure you know what happens when someone’s blood pressure increases.
How do you deal with stress, overcome or manage it in a relationship?
Do you really want to know How to deal with stress?
The good news is… you can overcome stress or manage it, depending on its source and intensity. While you might not be able to boast of a stress-free relationship, you need to be proud of a relationship that can look stress in the face and dare its effect. You need to grow to that level.
Well, I’ve seen people write many ways through which stress can be helped in a relationship but the three steps below will help curtail its effects, most assuredly.
1. Source the stress out
Knowing the source of the stress is the first step to managing or overcoming it. If you don’t know if someone is a culprit or not, it’s hard to judge them a convict or get them acquitted. If the stress is not from your romantic relationship but an external source, you already know where to point your accusing finger to. So the next step is what you should consider.
What if – you think – it’s from your partner?
I know you want to point accusing fingers and lay claim that your partner is the reason that you’re always being stressed out in your relationship, even if they are not the direct source. But I am going to say a funny thing here. I want you to take it seriously anyways.
Here is it: you need to accept that everyone is a suspect in any occurrence of misunderstanding, in a relationship.
Before you ask me why, I will tell you.
Growing up, I learnt that I should say sorry to anyone who carelessly steps on my toe. The practice has eaten deep into me that I would always want to smile and say sorry even before the other person would mutter a syllable. I do that because… If my foot is not where the person had stepped on, they would have no reason to say sorry to me.
If they had not met you, there wouldn’t be any reason to say sorry to you for any offence.
Is there a wisdom in that?
In my relationship, most of the time, we both say sorry after any misunderstanding; while one person does that for the wrong deed done, the other person has to do the same for either not being understanding enough or not choosing to help the offender grow.
“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself” ~ Deepak Chopra.
With that quote in mind, you would lessen how you always want to blame your partner on any issue. You will understand that any fault from your partner has a direct link to how you have helped invested in them.
If you see her as someone who demands too much, that might be the result of your financial limitation. If you think he’s not cheerful enough and always not happy because of that, it might mean you’ve not learnt how to balance temperaments.
If she’s too forward for your liking, you might be the one who haven’t graduated from the school of sluggishness. If he nags a lot, it might be that you’ve not learnt how to stop getting him piqued.
So we need to check our reactions towards our partner’s actions. I need to do the same myself!
2. Talk the stress out
I know how it feels when you have someone with whom you can share everything with. You can call them and be like, “I am not feeling okay… I am stressed out… I am just not getting along here… I am tired… I am getting intimidated…” and you’ll get nothing but a soothing reply beyond your wildest imagination.
Isn’t it going to be great if your lover is qualified enough to be that singular person? I know you wouldn’t agree less! And it’ll be greater if you can be found qualified to be called an understanding and loving partner.
To me, there’s no gift as great as openness in a romantic relationship. With openness, there’s no limit to how a relationship can grow. If your partner knows that you have got a listening ear, they sure will be willing to tell you the least of whatever they are passing through. You need to trust or help them to attain the level, you have no choice.
If there’s no openness in your relationship, there’s no way you’ll want to tell your partner whatever you are passing through and they will not be able to do the same to you. Hence, everyone tries to find a solution to their problems outside the confines of their relationship. That’s saddening and pitiful if you don’t know.
I’m not the best man on earth but I will never hide anything from my partner, no matter what happens. In fact, before we started our relationship, I told her everything about me as much as I could remember – since I was born! My friend, if you’ve not grown to that stage you might be a century away from having a blissful marriage. Don’t cover your errors! Make your partner your best of friends.
And it’s when the two of you are in an alliance that you can have the boldness to talk to each other about what you are.
As you can see, you need to talk it out. I it about how your partner pressurizes you? How your boss at work intimidates you? How your parents don’t just want to get along with you? Or how your friends are the all-time threats to your wellbeing?
Even if your partner hasn’t been helping the situation, don’t conclude so soon never to trust them. If you keep on finding solutions elsewhere, you are equally severing the bond between you and your partner. So, if it’ll take you to help them grow to have a listening ear and a compassionate heart, you have to do it. Will you? Thanks. Mwah.
When you finish reading this post, I urge you to read this one on how you can help your partner to always want to talk to you about anything.
3. Kick the stress out
Kicking the stress out is the final blow to help yourself or your partner from its grip. And you will have to take the courage to do that as long as you want to enjoy your relationship.
These days, it’s not uncommon to see people chicken out, instead of them to have waited and fought out disagreements, little quarrels, and their cohorts. You hear many of them say, “We are not compatible… We just can’t get along… I’m done with that good for nothing person… I hate every moment we spent together… How could I stoop so low to have allowed you into my life…? She’s a bitch… ‘He’s nothing but a fool…” When you look at most of them, they have only be played upon by their ego. Many of them are those who know little to nothing about all it takes to grow and maintain a relationship. And after one or two months, they are out of one relationship and then into another. Before you know it, nemesis would have caught up on them, yet they haven’t been wise. This time around you will hear them say, “All men are equal… All ladies are the same…”
She said all men are the same and I asked, “Who asked her to test them all?”
He said all ladies are witches and I asked, “Who lured him into their coven?”
By now, you should know that knowledge is power. The more knowledgeable you are, the better chance your relationship has for a covetable sustainability.
If I tell you that I have a headache, do you know the right drug I’ll use for relief? If I tell you that I’m getting weak, do you know if glucose is better given me than any other drug? And if you don’t have much knowledge about medicine, do you, at least have a friend that knows a friend that knows another friend that knows a medical practitioner?
How much of solution do you have for any challenge or problem that your partner can ever face?
So, now that you have succeeded in making your partner tell you that they are stressed out, with every detail being spelt out, have you got what it takes to help them deal with the stress?
What’s now the way forward?
You see, the more mentally equipped you are in your relationship, the greater the peace and romance you will enjoy. One thing is for you to be sympathetic and another is for you to be empathetic. Do you know the meaning? To be empathetic is to have the ability to put yourself in the shoes of others and be willing to help them while to be sympathetic only means to show the person that you can feel their pain. Which is better? You do the maths.
It’s time to be no one else but someone your lover can trust enough to share their challenges with and be glad they’ll get an outstanding solution.
Get yourself up with as much as you can learn about them. Know as much as possible about the opposite sex. If you’re a male, know how women feel during their menstrual period and know how to help them out whenever they are stressed because of that.
What if their boss is the reason behind their stress? I’m sure you won’t ask them to quit their job; that might be the worst option, you know? Rather, you’ll find a way for them to get along and you’ll be glad you did in the end.
You just have to be willing to help. And you must help them.
If you don’t know how to help them immediately, you have to seek help from someone you know can help.
I will always be available for that.
So that’s how to deal with stress in a relationship and really overcome it. If you believe strongly that this piece has helped you, or is capable of helping a friend of yours, I will love you to share it. Just share it to help someone else. Thanks.
Remember, the stress question was asked by one of my subscribers and so I am dedicating this post to him. His name is Beejet.