WHY YOU MUST NOT INVOLVE YOUR PARENTS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP EARLY


As a man or lady, when should you really involve your parents in your romantic relationship? Are you considering an age factor, a social standard, a financial status, or an academic qualification?

Let me shock you by saying all those are the last on the list.

If there is someone who would be so grateful to have read this piece earlier than now, her name is none else but Bukola.

She sat and couldn’t just get the embarrassing moment off her head. The more she tried, the harder it became more than a task for her.

Anyone looking at her from afar could tell that something was wrong with her, or would have made a quick inference of disappointment. It was written all over her swollen face.

The disturbance continued. And as the scorching sun wouldn’t help the matter, she was sweating profusely.

She looked keenly at her shadow and her anger intensified! This is the first time in her life that she wished her shadow would do something against her normal action, even against the law of nature.

She would have loved a playback of what pioneered her despondency, and would wish she had done it better.

She was in her own world, totally bewildered. Even if it was sunny, she could feel total darkness around her.

To help the costly menace she’s wrapped in, she placed a white chair in front of her. Now she’s got a company, and her tensed feeling was now coming off. Or so she thought.

It was a perfect timing as her shadow cast itself on the chair in front of her, assuming the position of a confidant.

She asked, “Sister, would you tell me how I could correct my mistakes…? Is there a man who would help turn back the hand of time…? Do you know where such lives…? How should I go back to my prospective mother-in-law and prove my betterment against her dogged belief… Against her verdict that I am nothing but an uncooked lady… And that I am on the mission to kill and destroy her only son, the one whom I love?”

The more gesture she made, the more her shadow did!

“Oh! Is it that you were not listening that you can’t give an answer?”

Daniel, the all-knowing neighbour as he is commonly called, was watching her all along. He was seeing a TV soap he didn’t pay for. And this time, it’s happening life.

He beckoned on his younger brother, Chuka, to come join in the enjoyment, but his spoilt bike has got his attention more than anything else. He came, looked at her for a moment and thinking she’s rehearsing for a drama even though she never acted. So he chose to go back to his bike.

Bukola continued…

She threw away the chair and even set to do the worse when Daniel bumped into her.

With his Ibo intonation, Daniel said,

“O gini? Wetin happen! You want to kill “yaself?”

She started to sob uncontrollably, but she couldn’t understand the cause of her cry. Looking at her, Daniel could understand that she had been mentally disordered.

“Because of a man, a mannu, you will destroy your own life? Bukky baby, don’t do this to yourself, biko!”

The story changed when Daniel heard Bukky said, “What happened? Why are you saying sorry to me when nothing happened! You have started again o, Daniel! Must you see everything going on in this compound! And funny enough, nothing happened this time.”

Her voice was becoming so loud that it got Chuka’s attention.

Chuka rushed into the scene and managed to calm Bukola down.

“You better say what is wrong with you before your 5 minutes video hits Facebook! I will even tag you in the *this is what happens when a guy jilts you* video. I am sure it will go viral.”

Curiosity took over her as she argued, “Which video are you talking about Chuka? Which video! …”

Daniel tried to stop his brother but it was as if God wanted to use him for the poor Bukola.

“Where is the video?” she asked for the third time.

Daniel brought out his newly bought Android kitkat phone. Bukky moved closer but he warned her he would only show the video on the condition that he would hold the phone as she watched.

“Don’t break my phone o!” Daniel reiterated.

Bukola moved closer and she could couldn’t negate Daniel’s words.

Something just caught her attention as she watched the said video: She is wearing her cloth inside out, and even part of her cornrows was loosened.

“I made this hair yesterday, and look at my cloth! Is something really wrong with me?”

Feeling so remorseful, she muttered “I am sorry, Daniel. Chuka, thank you so much.”

The time had come for Daniel to show his priceless ego. And with his Ibo intonation again he said, “now you are talking, Etisalat… Sorry always…. No, sorry by the way.”

“So if I may ask, why would you kill yourself, spoil this beautiful face that is always doing us “gish-gish” in this compound…? Why?

“You can’t understand, Daniel”, she said, as she gently sat down.

“Daniel winked to Chuka to stay away and thank goodness, he understood this time. He just walked away unannounced, and now Daniel could start his inquisition better.

“Hmmmm…. Bukky, if you say it, I will understand. Remember I am the all-knowing in this yard. Just say it anyhow and I will decipher it, with my all-knowing formula.”

She sighed and now she was ready to spill the beans.

She adjusted herself on the two-legged sofa they were sitting on and started to share her experience.

“Cornelius is the only guy that I ever loved, even if I have been in three different relationships before I met him. He has everything a greedy lady would want in a guy. He is rich, brilliant tall and handsome. His alluring smile is enough for me to frolic all day for. In fact, he is the one who taught me what true love is. He showed it both in words and actions. How he had interest in me still sounds mystic to me. I just knew I didn’t deserve someone like him.”

“Other guys from my previous relationships were just interested in my body with nothing to add to me, but my Cornel adds and adds without removing nothing from me. There are many times I would wake up to his thought and I would feel like it had been a dream all the while.

“I was so heartbroken that I once told myself I was not going to get married again. The last relationship before I met Cornelius really took a part of me. This guy used me and dumped me. I gave him my body and even my money. He played with my heart for six good months before I knew he had impregnated three different ladies. The worst part of it, he was an armed robber. He was caught and now in the prison. The Macho that I thought would be my husband is now married to the prison walls…”

“I was so traumatized by it all and completely lost until Cornelius came and turned the tide around for me. For the first time in my life, I could boast of having a career as a woman. He made me know my purpose and he never demanded anything from me – not even a kiss. I wished I have met Cornelius five years ago. And by now I would still be a Virgin.”

“It was the tragedy that befell me that made me become a foster daughter to my nanny. She chose to stay and take care of me after the demise of my parents, and the family was glad. “There was everything available to take care of me hence her willingness to take the responsibility. Somewhere along the line, misfortune struck the family and several people died. That was all I could remember until five years ago, exactly 10 years after my parents died.”

I met myself inside a church and that was how I got delivered from the embargo this woman placed on me. For three good years, I stayed in the church and there I met two different guys who promised to marry me only to know that they were embodiments of destruction.

As a lady, I just had to move on. It was in my dejection that I met Macho the armed robber. He rented this apartment for me and even got a job for me, but how funny it was that he lived on my savings.”

Six months after I met him, I got to know that my nanny had died after she confessed she was the brain behind all that befell my family, starting from the death of my parents.

She sold my father’s properties and even the house, saving a piece of land that my dad only told one of our neighbours about.

It was this man that took me to the land and I was happy that I at least got an inheritance from my father. God bless you, Mr. Banji!

Daniel, I made the worst mistake of my life the day I told Macho about the land. How he made me sell the land for a sum of #700,000; and how he went away with the money is still mystifying to me.

I looked everywhere for him until I got the news of his imprisonment.”

She couldn’t hold it, as tears rolled down her cheek. Daniel was capable of controlling the situation and pretending to be a gentle man that he was not, he gave a placating smile as he sang, “Sorry… Bukky baby… all is well o…”

The story was becoming more interesting and he wouldn’t like Bukky to stop it half way and as fate would have it, Bukky continued.

“Cornelius and I were going to marry as planned. And he invited me to her mother’s house. On getting there, I was so happy that I immediately took her to be my mother. The joy of having a mother really intoxicated me since I lost my parents to a fatal accident at age 10. She welcomed me and I was so happy.”

She pauses a little, and continued.

“She wanted to cook and I just must assist her, so she agreed. I managed to make the ‘amala’ but it didn’t come out fine. Obviously she was not happy. Plainly she asked, “What are the local dishes you can prepare?”

Since Cornelius had taken every iota of falsehood away from me, I sheepishly said, “Only this ‘amala.’ In fact, I leant it from a neighbour five days ago.”

“She smiled and I returned the gesture, thinking all was well. Cornelius later joined in the food after he was through with putting his mother’s room in order, as his custom is. She ate the ‘amala’ and I was so happy. Few hours later, I left.”

“I couldn’t just tell Cornelius about the shame even if he wouldn’t give any hurting remark.”

“As I was going home that evening, I saw a catering school close to my house. My attention never went there for once and this time, their sign board seemed the biggest to me in the area. I went in and registered to learn. I paid the tuition fee with their POS and I was ready for the task. In fact, I started the training right away.”

Now she couldn’t hold it again, she started weeping. This time, Daniel couldn’t help but joined her. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried let alone weeping; it was so touching.

She just had to continue… And so she did.

“Within few days in the class, I had learnt how to make ‘eba,’ ‘amala,’ even pound yam. I forced myself to get it right so quick because I knew that would be face-saving enough.”

“But the unexpected happened: the mother called me on phone exactly ten days following my regretted visit. I was the happiest lady on earth to be receiving a call from her. I mustered up some courage as I answered the phone and greeted her, before I got the shock of my life. She told me categorically that as long as she lived, her son would not marry an indomitable lady. (Indomitable is what she calls any lady that only know how to cook pastas and noodles.)

“I was disturbed that I went to her yesterday and pleaded. But I didn’t know why I forgot to tell her I had gone to learn. Would she have believed? No!

The next few sentences I heard from her couldn’t save the day.

With a look of disdain she said, “Cornelius is my only son. He was the only person that survived the poisoned food that killed my husband – his father – and his two elder brothers. So, I think you should be wise enough to know why I didn’t allow Cornelius to go study elsewhere but that University, and why he doesn’t eat outside but the food I cook, saving the time he travelled abroad, which I allowed prayerfully!”

“I couldn’t mutter a word. I didn’t even know how I got home. I can’t even give an account of what and what I did from yesterday until this morning. Can you see how I am about losing the only reason my future looks bright? The prime of my joy, my heartbeat, my heart… I can’t tell it all!

“The hard part of it is that, I cannot pray that she would die. I can’t do any of such. Even if I can, not to the mother of the person who gave me life. Not to the mother of the man who provided the light I needed when I came out of my life’s tunnel but in the night. I just can’t do that… I can’t, Daniel!

“I know his mum would do anything to make me lose my Cornelius… That is my fear Daniel… That is what I dread!”

She turned to Daniel and asked,

“If I am your sister, what would you want me to do?”

Confusion was written all over Daniel’s face; this time he had bitten more than he could chew. He just had to contribute positively, and constructively, to save his pride and so he said, “As it stands, the only thing I can say is that, there is nothing prayer cannot do, Bukola. You just have to pray. Pray and God who has turned your miseries into testimony will not let you down.

“Let me take you inside. You need to freshen up and find something to eat. This mood would only worsen the situation”, Daniel said gleefully as he walked her into her room.

Cornelius got home that morning from a programme he went for overnight, and the troubled mother narrated what had transpired between his angel and herself. He was very angry even if he wouldn’t show it. He had told the mother about her catering class and how she’s improved. The mother was sorry about her action towards her and so they drove to Bukky’s house in his Toyota Camry.

It was an admixture of Joy and sadness for Bukky to have seen the woman in her house. Even though Cornelius was almost twice the size of the mother, she couldn’t get a clear glimpse of him. Her attention was only on the woman, and why she had come this time.

The woman rushed to her and hugged her. “I am sorry for what I said my daughter. What would a mother like me do? Please forgive me my dear,” she said as she rubbed her hand on her back.

Cornelius took over and began to tell her few things she never knew. “My love, mummy and I are so sorry for having made you go through this. Please forgive us.”

He paused for a little, noticed Daniel walking his way out of Bukky’s room. They couldn’t exchange any pleasantries and he continued…

“I didn’t choose you because of anything other than the fact that God instructed me to do so. I have been in many relationships like you have and I regretted every bit of them all. I got tired and I began to pray until I was ministered to. You are the missing piece in the puzzle of my life, Bukky. You are the centre of my joy and my merriment. You are the rhythm my heart would dance tirelessly to. You mean the life itself to me my love.”

“And I was told not to get another house for you until we get married. That was why you are still here. You have added longevity and fulfilment to my wealth, even as the name you answer, Bukola. An end will come to your solitude next Saturday when I will lead you down the aisle. Blessed among women shall you be called! I LOVE YOU!

I would like to know what you learnt from this story. Share you views about it and don’t forget to share with your friends. Thanks.

 Here is my advice for ladies and guys also:

No matter how heartbroken you think you are, don’t lose your brain. Even if you have lost your heart, don’t lose your senses. You can get a better lover.

And I leave you to my love letter to the brokenhearted. If you have ever been jilted or you know a friend who has, the love letter is a perfect piece for restoration, guaranteed. Read the letter and share with friends. It could save someone. To read it, click here.

Did you know?
What happened to Bukky has happened to many ladies and that ended their relationship.
There are many of this that happen of daily basis and it is sad how little things break a relationship two people had built to last.

And how did Bukola help herself?
She was wise enough to see where she was missing it and she acted to correct it immediately. That is what you should do as a lady, even as a man.

Anyone could be lack in character, talk, dressing, make up and so on. No matter what yours is, make sure you get them corrected before it’s too late. Correct them before you meet your in-laws.

Now when is the right time to invite your parents into your relationship?
It is when you have both dealt with each other’s inhibitions. No matter how small they seem, you must trash them out, and you must do that now.

SEE THIS

I remember posting a comment after this Facebook status: “Should Parents interfere in their children’s choice of partners?”

To me, there is a simple different between interference and involvement: Ideally, parents should be involved in their children’s relationship as guides, but only when it’s right. I fact, some parents are so spiritually inclined that they know what is good for their children, even in the process of choice making.

Ordinarily, I can never get my parents involved in my relationship when they cannot tell their canal left from their spiritual right. If I have proven my parents’ spiritual stand and even moral intelligence, I can then get them fully involved. If not, I will only let them know once it’s settled – once we are few moments away from getting married.

You know why? Because some parents don’t even know what is good for their children’s day to day life let alone their relationship matters.

And it is even heartbroken to see unimaginable things 21st century parents do. If a lady doesn’t greet well, cook well, even smile well, she is everything far from a wife material. They do not want to dream of any improvements!

The same is true for the men too: Some parents would just look down on a man and conclude he can’t be their son-in-law. How they judge is questionable!

Thank you once again. See you on the other side of Blissful Marriage.

And Remember…
[dt_quote type=”pullquote” layout=”right” font_size=”big” animation=”none” size=”1″]If you must despise the look of a town crier, never despise his message – Olalekan Adebumiti Click to tweet[/dt_quote]

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